so high school

i am hip deep in the dumbest drama ever. mr jack mormon has drug 2 other women into a private conversation where i now have to defend myself and go on the offensive for damage control. i wish i could divulge all the details or at least have my wits about me enough to tell the story and protect the innocent. i am seriously worried about him spreading lies and rumors about me because he is angry about an absolute truth i told to a mutual friend. he then followed up with a big fat lie about us. i have always had a pretty solid "reputation", but i feel worried about him damaging it with lies. no one of importance would believe it, but i hate that i am even worrying about it. i should have never talked to him again, but i felt bad. he was trying so hard and i didnt think i should ignore him anymore. so dumb of me.

dilemma

too good for the bad boys and not good enough for the good boys.
this is my dilemma. the really good and faithful boys find my irreverence unsettling and when i wont put out for the bad boys the quickly grow bored and move on.
is there a happy medium man out there for me? someone who understands that i rarely curse, but when i do, doesnt judge? someone who gets that i can kiss passionately, but still say no when it comes to going any further?
every time i think i have found that person(mr nice guy, mr exman, and dick), something weird(and usually quite ugly) happens.
sigh.

miss you

i really do. i have stuff to write about, but no motivation at all.
i spoke with mr jack mormon. an old girlfriend of his is stalking me on fb because she remembers him talking to her about me. how crazy is that? this is the 2nd time this has happened to me in the last 6 months. i just think its weird and creepy.
cant remember if i told you guys about the motorcycle guy. but i have seen him a few times and despite the fact he told me he wasnt going to be dating for a while, he seems pretty interested. i was flirting with him pretty hard, just to exercise some feminine power over him. his that evil?
missing dick(nothing from the peanut gallery blain!)a lot. is the flirting a healthy distraction? i dont know. i think about him every day and wish like heck that he would come back. i am so out of my element here. when something is finished, i might mourn for a little bit, but done is done, right? i havent contacted him or anything, but this just doesnt feel done. now i am worried that i seem like one of those idiotic women who cant let go. technically, i have let go. i am not a stalker. i am dating and going to activities. flirting away. being flirted with. feels good.
i have been single for a long time. i am ready to connect and play house. anyone game?

balance

how do you balance being a nice person, but keep away the creepsters that hang out at the church dances?
i remember my mia maid adviser telling our class that we should never turn down a boy who asks you to dance. she explained that its difficult for boys to muster up the courage to ask and we should do our part to encourage them and help strengthen their egos.
ok. maybe that was good advice when i was 14, but now that i am in my 40's i need a new strategy.
any ideas? i dont want to offend or hurt anyones feelings nor do i want to be flung across the dance floor by some man who considers himself the swing king. i would prefer not to discuss his plans to build a perfect community (under his direction of course)or see huge scars bestowed by an unfortunate marriage of motorcycle meeting tree at a high speed.
is it too much to expect?

its not you, its me...

or is it: its not me, its you? just kidding.
my best friend swears i am wrong, but i think i just got a creative version of the "its not you, its me" speech from the guy who just asked me out. twice. yes, twice.
i dont want to totally dig this up and rake it over with a fine tooth comb, but, we went out, had fun(he said he did)and then told me(via fb im)that he was taking a break from dating. WHAT?! he gave some reasons that i dont know if i want to go into here. nothing critical of me, but...
i am not in love with this guy, but i had a nice time. what is wrong with him? what is wrong with me?
i am seeing how lame this post is, but i am going to publish it anyway and hopefully find the motivation to write more details and explain.
one last thing-sometimes i am crazy-i wasnt really feeling it for this guy, but i am mad that he told me he was taking a break from dating.

stalker?

i think mr jack mormon is stalking me. he keeps trying to friend me on facebook and he sends me these cute and witty emails. its hard not to reply to him because i have some snappy comebacks,but whats the point?
if we havent been out since last summer and i have ignored all his communication since then, why does he keep trying?

a date

it was a nice date with a nice man. there was easy conversation, but no spark, at least not on my part. he didnt seem particularly into me either, but he asked me out again. i said yes. is it wrong to date someone you dont think you have a future with?