i hate this

i was on the phone early this morning with a good friend who is going through some major family issues. her husband is a difficult jerk who is passing his behavior on to his(their)children. my strong, fun, full of life friend is a shadow of her former self. she is literally a shell. she has no real refuge. her husband treats her with blatant disrespect in front of the kids and rarely backs her up when she attempts discipline. she really is not the meek or door mat type, but in her efforts to be a supportive wife and mother she lost herself and allowed everyone to put her last. why do women allow this to happen? i know i did it in my marriage. when things started going south, i let him convince me it was my fault and altered my behavior to show my support and willingness to create a fulfilling marriage. it was his way of manipulating me and it worked. i hate that it worked. i know that my friend looks back on the last 20 years of her life and hates that it worked on her. i think it was President Hinckley who talked about that if both people in a marriage make an effort each day to ensure the happiness and well being of their spouse, so much unhappiness and divorce would be eliminated. the unfortunate thing is that there is so little of that. people just dont do it. why? why do we take for granted and abuse the one we promised to love and care for above all others. i am rambling again. i hate this.