flirt or tease?

is there a difference? i think there is a huge difference. i was telling one of my oldest and dearest friends about mr jack mormon. giving her the fun details about our 8 hour date how we flirted with each other and she called me a tease. a tease? seriously? i am not a tease(tease verb, teased, teas⋅ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
to irritate or provoke with persistent petty distractions, trifling raillery, or other annoyance, often in sport..) i am a flirt(flirt–verb (used without object) to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet..) something that i would never cop to until recently, but i was faced with irrefutable evidence and so now i accept it. in my opinion, a tease is someone who will flirt in such a way that promises things they are not willing to deliver on. flirting is fun and should be harmless, but teasing can lead to disaster. i like to avoid disaster and i would never make promises that i didnt intend to keep.

good hair day

i used a sample of doves new heat defense therapy shampoo and conditioner. I LOVE IT!! my hair is such a pain, but this shampoo really made me reconsider shaving it all off in an act of desperation. no dry ends after the blow dry and its really shiny and soft. plenty of body too. i never have body in my hair. its really fine so i normally have to do some sort of ritualistic sacrifice just to get the good hair gods to make it look somewhat decent. i should line up a ncmo just so someone besides myself can run their hands through it. its the simple things that really bring us joy. like good hair.

virgin?

the boys over at the mormon bachelor pad posed the question about whether you could consider yourself a virgin if you participate in oral sex. without a doubt participating in oral sex violates the law of chastity for both men and women, but i think it breaks down differently for girls and boys. if a girl allowed oral sex to be performed on her she is definitely acting in an immoral way, but still a virgin until she has actual intercourse. a boy, on the other hand, whether its traditional sex or oral sex, very similar things are happening to him and i dont think he could be considered a virgin any longer. is that sexist?

whats up?

i hate when i call or approach someone to talk to them and they say "whats up?" its like "get to the point so i can be done with this conversation." its also a really casual thing guys say to each other to keep up the nonchalant macho bs facade they got going on. no man should say "whats up?" to a woman he cares about. just like a man should never say to the woman he loves "would you please just calm down?" like fuel to the fire. i would love to hear from anyone who has ever known a woman to calm down when addressed in such a way.

mr jack mormon

i kind of just dismissed mr jack mormon. after our 3rd date and his unwillingness to answer a few basic questions, i just figured he was playing games. i dont have the time, strength or energy for games. i hate to get all business like when it comes to dating(its supposed to be fun, right?), but after 3 or 4 dates, you KNOW whether or not if it could go anywhere. the thing with mjm, is that i really think it could go somewhere as far as our personalities, sense of humor, and general compatibility. the main thing that makes us undo-able is his stance of the LOC. he thinks its ridiculous. another thing is his ambivalence regarding the church. i really dont need or want and uber righteous peter priesthood type, but i dont want to be dragging someone to church either. this is so aggravating. i hate to be a quitter, but i think its time to reinstate the hiatus. i am committed to attending a singles function at the end of the month. i will actually have a job to do, so maybe i can fly under the radar....

good hair

i saw a promo for oprah last week advertising that chris rock would be on promoting his new movie "good hair" . i personally think chris rock is hilarious. i like his observations and how he makes his audiences think about some pretty important stuff-even if its with a humorous twist. what prompted chris to make this movie was his daughter(i think shes 4 or 5 years old)came home after spending the day with her little white, blonde friend and asked "why dont i have good hair?" the clips from the trailer show him trying to get to the bottom of what is going on with women(particularly black women)and their hair. as a white woman with straight hair that wont hold a curl, my experience is the exact opposite of what i saw some of these women going through. chemical straighteners, hours upon hours in a stylist chair getting their hair braided to prepare for a weave, and thousands of dollars spent for the privilege of being tortured. i saw a brief interview with ali wentworth who talks about getting the white girl's weave(extensions)and dying her hair blond because she "just wants to be pretty." the whole "blonds have more fun" and are prettier gets under my skin for a couple of different reasons(and none of them have to do with the fact that i am NOT blond). its fake. how many adults do you know that are natural blonds that dont use any chemical intervention? on the oprah interview, chris rock was pointing out all the blond women in the audience and so many were embarrassed to be booted out of the blond closet and be shown for the fakers they are. faking pisses me off. i was born a blond, but it started turning darker about age 12 and continued to get darker until my current shade of medium brown. about ten years ago i decided i needed a change and started getting highlights. i got so many over the following few years that i was back to being a blond. it was expensive and time consuming, not to mention bad for my hair. my drivers license was taken during this time when i am asked for id they do a double take. it really doesnt look like me. people joke about mormons and their attachment to being blond. the mormon child bride even blogged about how she had dyed her hair a darker color that she really liked, but knew going to her parents for a family get together was going to be rough. there would be stares. judgment. disapproval. its okay to go BLONDER, but to go darker is like....i dont know what. like wearing a t-shirt that says you drink jack daniels everyday or something. i also hate how mothers instill this love of all things blond in their daughters. my friend kelly has 2 kids. both born with beautiful blond, curly hair. her son, the older of the two gets darker the older he gets. she says nothing, but when her daughter started getting darker(around age 10), she starts dying her hair. she is now 16 and recently, in rebellion, dyed her hair red. my friend was so angry and so sad that her "beautiful, blond daughter" is no longer blond. she buys into it. with all the pressures on women to be beautiful, do we have to narrow it down to that extreme? i remember as a child being fussed over because of my blond hair and blue eyes and looking back, i guess it is a striking combination, but its rare and its short lived. just like the black girls straightening their hair or putting their weaves on lay away. chris rock concluded that all of this time, effort and money is put into our hair to impress other women. not men. i see his point,but men buy into it as well. a woman in my ward(bottle blond)decided to go a shade or two darker. she was STILL blond, just a little darker. her husband told her in no uncertain terms that he married a blond and wants to keep it that way. she thought it was the cutest thing ever. i had to bite my tongue from telling her what a jerk i thought her husband was being. on the flip side i know a couple of men who dont care at all what their wives or girlfriends hair looks like. short, long, blond, dark. they dont care as long as their wives are happy. isnt that how it should be?

forgotten rm #3!!

ah ha! There was a third rm! driving home last night, INXS "need you tonight" came on the radio and it totally put me in the way back machine to when i briefly dated rm#3(the forgotten rm) anyway.... the forgotten rm was a high school friend who moved into my ward when i was a sophmore. funny,smart, and not even a little bit nerdy(or a complete jerk like the other guys in my ward). i was dating tgws and frm started dating another girl in my mia maid class. their relationship was intense from the beginning with constant breaking up and making up, typical high school stuff with some major drama thrown in for good measure. stuff like drug arrests and church discipline. shortly after high school frm and tgws were really getting into a lot of trouble. one time in particular was when i was broken up with tgws and he and frm(not even close to getting his life together to serve a mission)drove around our town looking for me while i was out on a date. they found me and made complete asses of themselves. i cannot tell you how angry i was-livid doesnt even touch it. i wouldnt speak to either one of them for months. tgws finally worked his way back in after some herculean tasks were completed on his part, but i would not even talk about frm-even when i heard he was finally going on his mission. once out in the field he began writing me, asking for my forgiveness(what they had done was crazy and embarassing and dangerous. it was huge), but i just threw the letters away. i was still seeing tgws off and on and the hypocricy of forgiving him and not frm was not completely lost on me. i finally got a letter from frm telling me that he was asking me for the last time to please forgive him and that he would not be writing again. he also pointed out the craziness of forgiving tgws and not him. he was right and i finally just let it all go and forgave. i wrote him throughout the last year of his mission. always a rebel, he would call me sometimes and we would talk for hours on the phone. when he heard i was going to have a layover in the city he was serving in, he(along with his companion) met me at the airport ang hung out while i waited for my connecting flight. 20 years later i am still embarassed to admit such a breach of protocol! as it got closer to the time for him to come home, he started talking openly about dating and even the possibility of getting married in the temple. "whisking you off to the celestial kingdom" was his way of putting it. i was there at the airport when he returned(back in the day before 9/11 and the changes for missionary homecomings)and for his homecoming talk. we went out a few times and we made out once. he had taken me back to his place(attic apartment at his grandma's)after one of our dates and we made out for a while. it threw me a little when he said "tgws was right, you are an AMAZING kisser." i was kind of flattered, but a little weirded out all at the same time. we fell asleep and when i woke up i was on his bed and he was crashed out on the floor. we never went out again, but remained friends. when i got engaged to msof, he tried to set me up with one of his rm buddies, but that never panned out. about six months after i married msof,i got his wedding invitation. he married another girl we went all hung out with in high school(and was dating another guy in our group). they got married on april fools day. so appropriate for so many reasons that i didnt mention here. so thats the forgotten rm. a total of 3.