damn mirror

i am not loving what i see. i need a haircut. something drastic. my hair is pretty long-well past my shoulders-but it is not really doing anything i want it to do. i have been thinking of cutting about 10 inches off, which would put it right above my shoulders(found a cute cut that i am pretty sure will look good on me). i am embarrassed to admit that i worry that not having long hair will compromise how attractive i might appear to certain men. men like long hair, right? i think i might be tainted because of msof. he would get angry if i even trimmed my hair. he wanted it long, long, long and he did not care if it was unhealthy looking. anything above the shoulders was a "dyke-do". i know a few men who say they dont care about hair length, but those guys are married to women with short hair. i dont know if i have ever heard a man say that he liked or preferred short hair. so guys-what do you say? long or short? do you care?

well?

mr new guy and i have definitely hit the friend zone. its fine with me. i really dont think i could ever get over the disney crocs. like most women, i really enjoy dressing the man i love, but making over a man who wears disney themed crocs is just too much for any woman. when i met tgws, he still wore corduroy bell bottoms. I AM NOT KIDDING. i thought he was lying when he said they were still in fashion where he came from, but then he showed me his most recent yearbook. sure enough THEY WERE ALL WEARING CORDUROY BELL BOTTOMS. in 1983. seriously. oh yeah, i forgot the velor shirts. so we went shopping and he started dressing like a respectable 80's teenager: levi's 501's and polo shirts. it was revolutionary. msof did ok, but i did some fine tuning. and though i think i would be up to the challenge of making over mr new guy....i just dont wanna put in the effort. not that he would let me. he is definitely the kind of guy who would dig his heels in and refuse to change just because he thought someone wanted him to. who needs that? i havent heard from mr nice guy since we talked a few days ago. he is madly in love with me, wants to be with me, broke up with a girl because he didnt love her like he loves me....yet...YET he will change nothing. i am not surprised and i dont even care because the truth is, i am still in love with dick.

not sure what to say...

besides mr nice guy telling me he was still in love with me...(not just love MADLY in love), there is really nothing going on. i have recently come back to some of the sewing and crafting that i used to love so much. my creativity comes in spurts and i try to take advantage of it. as far as men, i am kind of fed up. single men in the church are a hot mess and i just dont feel like dealing with it. no more dances, socials, or firesides. i just dont wanna do it. sure, if i know of some amazing speaker at a fireside, i will go, but i am completely doing away with my new years resolution to become more involved. i am benched. benching myself and i dont even care. i would chalk it up to the weather, maybe some early onset S.A.D.D, but fall is my favorite time of year. i think its just the circumstances and my general failure in the relationship area. this isnt depression-its resolution.

man oh man

you know my new friend? mr nice guy? yeah, thats him. he told me today that he is still in love with me. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH THAT?!

stranger in a strange land

although leaning toward the dramatic, i think its an interesting commentary-especially now that i have spent the better part of a year participating in more single adult activities that i ever have before. the women who get the majority of the attention at these things are literally the exact opposite of me. i am a stranger in a strange land and i am taking the next space ship i can find outta here.

choose

woman a:
long blonde(bottle)hair
tan(skin showing the sun damage looks older than her real age)
lots of makeup
6+ kids
petite(short and tiny)
divorced 3+


woman b:
brunette
fair skin, looks younger than her age
wears natural looking make up
divorced 1x
no kids

think jessica simpson, but older and lucy lawless(xena, warrior princess). i am trying to paint a picture and i feel like i am failing miserably.
this is not about competing. i understand that we all have our "things" that we are attracted to.



but i am just wondering why xena(these are not literal comparisons) gets no attention and jessica gets it all?

mr new guy, the king of mixed signals

(a post i wrote weeks ago, but never published. thought it might be interesting considering the "croc incident".) mr new guy has given me many subtle and not so subtle indicators that he is interested in me. when in a small group, he often mentions how he is not dating right now. the single scene is too crazy. or so he says.
i do not chase nor compete. when he figures it out he can call me. in the meantime, i enjoy his company when i am around him and enjoy semi regular facebook and email correspondence with him.
today it all came crashing down. he emailed me asking me about another woman. what the heck? we emailed back and forth as i told him what little i knew about her. then there was something that seemed to me that needed to be conveyed over the phone so i gave him my number and asked him to call. he called in 2.7 seconds. we spoke for 2 hrs, 5 minutes of which was devoted to discussing the other woman.
i really enjoyed our conversation. he is interesting and fun. irreverent in such a way that i truly appreciate, but a few things stand out:
he asked very little about me. i am not even talking about dating behavior, i am just talking about good conversation skills. his saving grace is that he is entertaining as hell.
i have been reading "he's just not that into you" again and this just screams that he is not that into me, but it bugs me that he asked me about this other woman. i like her. she is super cool and i told him so. i just wanted him to like me. then again, do i? i dont know all that much about him and he could be a complete train wreck. i think its time for some self introspection and get over this need to have him like me especially since i dont know how interested i would be in him.
maybe i am the one delivering the mixed signals.