Saturday, July 31, 2010

word of wisdom? what? what was that? smc cooks with the pioneer woman(again) rib eye steaks with whiskey(gasp!)cream sauce

as i mentioned in my cheesecake post, i had friends over for dinner last night and this is the recipe i made for the main course. i also made roasted garlic mashed red potatoes and a spinach salad with hot bacon dressing. train wreck cheesecake for dessert and various biscotti for them to take home. they are both big coffee drinkers and love my biscotti.
i have never minded recipes made with alcohol. i particularly love the jack daniels barbecue menu items at TGIF and always operated under the assumption that the alcohol burns out leaving only a complexity of flavor and richness behind. apparently that is not the case. yes, some of the alcohol does burn off, but not all of it, so....technically i am breaking the word of wisdom by eating this recipe. IT WAS WORTH IT. i kid. a little bit. i guess this is one of my justifications. dont we all have them? some drink "DE"caffeinated coffee and call it good or say that green tea is really a herbal tea. cooking with whiskey, and other spirits, on occasion, is mine. just like dr phil, i would never ask you to substitute my judgment for your own, but if you are liberal with the w.o.w, i recommend you try this amazing recipe.

pioneer woman's rib eye steaks with whiskey(she doesnt gasp)cream sauce. if you need to see pictures(it really does help)click here.

* 5 tablespoons butter
* 3 tablespoons diced onion
* 1/4 cup whiskey
* 1/4 cup beef stock or broth
* Dash of salt
* Freshly ground black pepper
* 1/4 cup light cream
* 2 rib-eye steaks

1. Begin by melting 2 tablespoons of the butter over medium heat in a small skillet. Add the onion and cook until brown, about 4 minutes.

2. When the onion is brown, turn off the burner temporarily so you won't ignite your kitchen or yourself.

3. Pour in the whiskey.

4. As soon as the whiskey evaporates, turn the burner on medium and pour in the beef stock or broth.

5. Add salt and freshly ground black pepper.
(taste the sauce before you add salt. the broth/stock i used was really salty andi did not need to add any salt.)

6. Now, whisk in another tablespoon of butter.

7. Allow the mixture to bubble for 30 seconds, then reduce the heat to low.

8. Over low heat pour in the cream.

9. Whisk, adding more cream if the mixture looks too brothy.

10. Allow to simmer on very low heat while you prepare the steaks. Stir occasionally

11. Melt the remaining 2 tablespoons butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Generously salt and pepper the steak on both sides, then add it to the hot skillet.

12. For medium rare, cook for 2 minutes on each side for a thin steak, or 3 to 4 minutes on each side for a thick steak. Place the steak on a plate and keep warm. Repeat with the other steak.

(Feel free to cook both steaks at once in the same skillet, if you prefer.)

13. Spoon the sauce over the steak ... and don't skimp! You want to taste the deliciousness.

* from:
The Pioneer Woman Cooks
Recipes from an Accidental Country Girl

day 12

12. whatever tickles your fancy.

breakfast out. i went out to breakfast with friends this morning and it was so yummy. we went to a little local place that has a really good, original menu. i got the "down south". two biscuits, sausage, eggs over easy, all smothered with gravy. i barely made it through half of it, but it was GOOD. i probably wont need to eat for 2 days. definitely stick to your ribs fare.
anyone else love breakfast out? whats your favorite?

Friday, July 30, 2010

day 11-does this seem to be dragging on...

or is it just me?

11. a recent picture. i had one, i really did, but it was from an old camera phone. i thought i had downloaded it to my computer, but i cannot find it. a million other random shots, but not the one that shows me, but really doesnt.
i was kind of iffy on whether or not to post it. it shows my bare back. just the upper back. i have a swimsuit on. you can see the tie around my neck. nice shoulders and a tiny bit of a profile. imagine it if you care to.
maybe not being able to find it was divine intervention or something. its not that it was immodest...but i thought it might be just too "out there".
i asked someone about my concerns and he thought i was silly. i probably am, but there is something about posting a picture in a bathing suit. maybe its my mothers modesty speeches that were pounded into my head. i dont know.
the cool thing about that shot is that it was taken for other odd, random reasons that had nothing to do with this blog. i liked that i didnt take it for this specific purpose and that it was "mysterious". like me. ha ha.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

boy, is my face red

tomorrow is national cheesecake day. so i ruined 2 cheesecakes on the eve of national cheesecake day. i am such a loser.
you might be thinking..."TWO cheesecakes single mormon chick?" yes. two. the first was worst than the second. let me explain.
as you know, i am having friends over for dinner and wanted to make cheesecake for dessert. at the risk of being redundant, i am an excellent cook, with better than average skills in the kitchen(get your mind out of the gutter). while some might find making a cheesecake from scratch intimidating, i am not one of those people. i have made tons of cheesecakes using a variety of recipes. they are all pretty much the same. cream cheese, eggs, cream, sugar, vanilla, etc. i have been known to whip one up without a recipe. i am that familiar with the making of cheesecakes.
then i found the smitten kitchen recipe. i respected the recipe. i read it several times, noting the differences. no cream. a little flour. a 550 degree oven. WHAT THE ...? five hundred and fifty degrees? did my oven even go up that high? it did.
i mixed up the batter and unashamedly dipped my finger in for a taste. incredible! the recipe is for one giant cheesecake, but i have two small spring form pans, so i split the batter between the two pans and i slid the first one carefully into the oven and gently closed the door. it was supposed to bake for 12 min at the super high temp, but i notice within a few minutes that the crust was burning. although the recipe did not mention a burning crust specifically, it talked about how you shouldnt fear the high temperature because it served a purpose and if you were watchful, it would all be ok. WHATEVER.
somehow i pushed the wrong button when resetting the temperature and instead of cooling down to a gentle 200 degrees to complete the cheesecake perfection, i basically allowed it to burn in the fiery pit of hell of a 550 degree oven.
it came out of the oven looking completely ruined. black. nasty. i couldnt bear to throw it in the trash just then, so i put the second cake in the oven and walked away.
this time i really watched and turned the heat down after 8 minutes. it came out a little darker than i would normally like, but the top was smooth and perfect with not a crack to be seen anywhere.
once cooled, i went poking at the first one and realized there was only a very thin layer on the top of the cake that was actually burnt. i was able to peel it off and although it looks like a train wreck, there is a perfectly good cheesecake underneath.
i will put some kind of sauce or fruit on top to cover the damage and serve the cheesecake on nation cheesecake day.
enjoy a piece(get you mind out of the gutter)for yourself.

well surprise, surprise, surprise

mr nice guy emailed me yesterday. it has literally been months since i have heard from him, but i am not even going to let him open that can of worms. i wont reply to his email, but its weird because a good friend of mine was just asking me about him and i was telling her that i didnt think i would ever hear from him again. she laughed in my face and said "oh honey, it aint over." i really didnt believe her, but here we are, just a few days later and i got an email from him.
is the moon full or something? why are all these blasts from the past showing up now?
ps- i am renaming mr nice guy gomer pyle. it fits.

so pissed off!!

at myself. i just ruined a cheesecake. i am so mad i cannot see straight. i could spit nails and all the other little sayings that convey that i am mad as hell.
i really am a good cook,but you wouldnt be able to tell today. i have made cheesecake a million times. i have tried a bunch of different recipes and they all turn out good. i have NEVER ruined a cheesecake. ever. ever ever!
i found this new recipe over at smitten kitchen for a new york style cheesecake. the lack of heavy cream and the addition of flour and the high temp cooking intrigued me. the pictures looked wonderful, so i wanted to give it a try. i am making dinner for friends and they love my cheesecake, was a PERFECT opportunity to try the new and intriguing recipe.
lets just say a freakin oven malfunction destroyed my cheesecake!!!!550 degree oven for 12 min. i dont think i have even had my oven up that high. it singed the crust, but i could salvage that. when i turned the oven down to 200 for the remainder of the baking time-it didnt take or i pushed a wrong button and i walked away thinking it was at a lovely 200 degrees when it was still at 550! i HATE electric ovens. i hate waste like that. sigh. i need to take a few deep cleansing breaths. maybe do some meditation or something.

day 10

10. a picture of me that is at least 10 years old

thats me on the left. yep, thats right. the BLONDE. this picture was taken at Christmastime or my hair would be practically white. it didnt start getting dark until junior high, so all my bitching about the blonde stuff...i have been on both sides, so i know what i am talking about.
the brunette in the picture is my cousin. we joke that we have been best friends since before we were born. our moms were pregnant with us at the same time and i am about two months older than her. i joke with her that she looks like a toddler in this picture and i look like i am practically ready for college based on our height difference. now we are both brunettes, and i am still at least a head taller than her.
i love old pictures.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

one .

is the loneliest number. or so i have heard. i can honestly say that right now, at this point in my life, i am lonely,but i'm not really sad.
i have always embraced being alone. i firmly believe you can be alone and not lonely, but i am lonely now. alone and lonely.
is this the uncomfortable feeling that will light a fire under my ass and make me answer the emails(only a few, but thats another post)that i have gotten on the dating website? will it force me to say "yes" the next time someone offers to set me up?
i havent completely decided, but i am leaning more that way that i have in the past.
admitting(or is it confessing?)that i am lonely feels kind of icky. like i am making it known that i have done something wrong or that i am horribly weak.
arent we all supposed to be so in love with ourselves that we can be constantly entertained without any company at all? i think thats what cosmo and glamour magazine would promote.
i am fine. really,i am, but i want someone. i want the companionship and the fun and even the not so fun stuff, just to have someone to share it with.
according to 3 dog night, 2 can be as bad as one, so.....

day 9

9. a picture i took

another poor quality picture of a fond memory. i was taking a little tour of the cider mills in the mid west. fun stuff. the best donuts and cider anywhere.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

day 8

8. a picture that makes me sad or angry

i just tried to think of things that made me sad and angry and "traffic" just jumped right out at me. it was more like "TRAFFIC!!" i hate being stuck in traffic. i got this picture off of google, and i dont even think its here in this country, but its an extreme example of bad traffic and stupid drivers.
i tried to find any remaining pictures of msof, but no luck. he would have qualified for both sad and angry. mostly angry, but not so much any more.

Monday, July 26, 2010


i was just reading a very romantic story. very romantic. make your heart ache, romantic.
its been a while since i have experienced any true romance. there were times that it was given to me and i didnt appreciate it like i should or it was presented to me by someone that i wasnt in love with. a few times i saw it, recognized it, and appreciated it in all its awesome-ness, but not enough. there were times i was too shy to fully embrace it. not thinking i was deserving of the attention or able to accept it the way i should. can i call a do-over?
i need some romance.

day 7

i took this shot a few years ago with my camera phone. its not high quality, but it certainly evokes emotion, namely happiness and nostalgia, in me.

Sunday, July 25, 2010


i have been wearing the same 14k gold hoop earrings for over a month now. this might not seem out of the ordinary to most people, but i generally dont wear jewelry. its not that i dont like it, but where other women consider picking out jewelry just like they would shoes(its a basic part of the outfit), i just dont take the time to do that. i have a few sentimental pieces, like the gold hoop earrings that mr southern gentleman gave me and the rest is just junk.
whenever i take the time to pick out jewelry, i always get a few extra compliments on how good i look that day. a little bling goes a long way.
except when it comes to engagement and wedding rings. except for me. i dont care. well, i do care, but not in the way you might think. if i were to fall in love again and the object of my affection asked me to marry him, i would want him to want to give me a really nice ring, BUT it wouldnt take 2 carats or more to please me.
i realize that its total satire, but the girl over at seriously so blessed has gone on about her ring, and i think its typical of what a lot of women expect. while i dont care for the whole idea that the size of the ring is somehow indicative of how much your intended loves you, i like the idea of someone loving me so much that they want to spoil me and show the world with this outward showing. the ring.
i have one friend in particular who would pass out if she heard me say this, but i wouldnt care if it was a cubic zirconia in a nice setting. is it crazy not to care, but i want him to care? probably.

day 6

6. whatever tickles my fancy.

lots of stuff. it varies depending on my mood.

creme brulee
thunder storms
a good pen

i am sure there are many more other random tickles, but that will do.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

day 5

5. my favorite quote

"a year from now, you will wish you had started today." - karen lamb


"We fear that we are inadequate, but our deepest
fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our
darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves: "Who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"
Actually, who are you not to
be these things?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn' t
serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that
other people around you won' t feel insecure.
We are all meant to shine
as children do.
We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let
our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
releases others."
~ Marianne Williamson

smc cooks- baking the BEST wheat bread

i made this bread for the first time this week and it is THE BEST. it has a great taste,but even better, the texture is wonderful. it slices up beautifully and has that soft, squishy "store bought" texture. remember when your mom would make you sandwiches from her homemade wheat bread and she had to cut the slices too thick or else it would fall apart and even once the sandwich was made and you tried to eat it it would fall apart anyway and all the kids in the cafeteria would look at you and your weird sandwich with the giant slices of bread and wonder what the heck you were eating? that doesnt happen with this bread.

EZ Wheat Bread
recipe from everyday food storage

1 1/4 cup warm water
1 Tblsp active dry yeast
1/4 cup honey or 1/3 cup sugar
2 3/4 cups whole wheat flour (or whatever combination white/wheat you like..I use 100% hard white wheat. To learn more about the different types of wheat, download my wheat handout)
1/4 cup wheat gluten
1 tsp salt
2 Tblsp nonfat non instant dry milk
1 Tblsp butter/margarine/oil
1 Tblsp vinegar
1/4 cup potato flakes (NOT potato pearls)

Mix ingredients in order listed in mixing bowl of mixer with dough hook attachment (like kitchen-aid) for 12-15 minutes. Let rise until double, 1- 1 1/2 hours. Punch down, and shape into loaf or rolls. Let rise again until double and bake 375 degrees for 20-30 minutes until golden brown and sounds hollow when lightly tapped.

If you are making this recipe in a bread machine, follow your bread machine’s directions for wheat or whole grain selection and add the ingredients in the order listed for their recommendations. (only one loaf will fit in a bread maker)

Friday, July 23, 2010

day four

4. my favorite book.

the forever king. i reread it every couple of years. its a new spin on the king arthur story. i like it very much; the whole classic good vs evil and good always wins.

i am going to leave it at that. i know. totally not like me at all. i was a voracious reader, now i just kind of meander through books. i dont necessarily like the change, but my efforts to change back have been unsuccessful so far.

is this true?

i was watching christopher titus "love is evol" and he went on this rant about how women dress and he declared how EVERY man hates capri pants.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

day 3, me again

3. favorite television show

i dont watch much tv anymore,so alot of this is passe.

eli stone
lie to me
friends. i would not miss this show-ever. now when i see it in reruns, i cannot abide it.
i used to watch this show on the bbc that was kind of friends-like, but i cant remember the name. a little smarter than friends.
i am looking forward to the new show "outsourced", it looks pretty funny.
drawing a blank now. sigh. hate that.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

2 books

i just finished "marry him ---> the case for settling for mr good enough and i am trying to get through "a love alchemists notebook". ms gottlieb(marry him) gives a lot of good information about dating, marriage, and divorce, but there is no happy ending. she says she has learned a lot, but hasnt gotten married and isnt even dating much. ms shepherd(love alchemist) had a very happy ending. she found the love of her life and got married.
gottlieb hired a dating coach who brought her some dismal numbers about the men available to her. something like 1% of an already small percentage of the male population who are interested in dating a woman in her 40's, while shepherd says that the scarcity we speak of is a myth. there is enough love to go around for everyone. you just have to use her magic secrets to "draw" the love of your life to you. its a tough read. i really dont know if i will make it through it. she is a astrologist, so a lot of her principles are based on knowing when your love sign is in the right house when mars is in retrograde or something like that. i really dont have the patience for that crap.
i am happy to say that i didnt fall into many of the traps that "marry him" talks about, but i am a little embarrassed to say that i have fallen into the trap of wanting the "perfect" romantic love story. in sex in the city, charlotte wanted the ny times write up in the wedding section. i want the good story to tell when my (imaginary) husband and i give a talk in sacrament meeting. gottlieb tells many stories of how women were holding out for the perfect story only to pass up the right guy because he didnt meet every lofty expectation. gottlieb herself tells of 2 guys she passed up and regrets it terribly.
overall, the book was a little depressing. her spin on the statistics are pretty dim for a girl like me, but it was a good read and there was some good information towards the end about happiness in marriage.
i will let you know about the love alchemist,if i make it through.

day 2 of ME. :)

2. my favorite movie

yikes. can most people really narrow this down to one of all time? not me.
lets see...
in no particular order
high fidelity
you've got mail
american beauty
the quiet man

i know there are more and i might add to it later, but there is a start.


i think all desire to have a child has left me. its been kind of creeping up over the last year or so. i noticed it when i was at a baby shower and as women are wont to do, they were all telling their "war" stories. their tales of being in the trenches and all they went through. all that came to my mind was "yuck" and "ouch". when they spoke of things like having their membranes stripped(what the...?!)or an episiotomy,where i once listened with great interest, i just felt icky. then i felt guilty.
is it normal to out grow wanting a baby?
never having a baby during my marriage was the biggest blessing that came from the biggest heartache in my life.
when i divorced, i still had plenty of time to meet someone and have a baby. no big deal. WHATEVER. i didnt date for years while i healed a broken heart and got my head straight from all the freaky mind tricks msof played on me. the biological clock was ticking, but it wasnt loud and it wasnt angry. i just figured it would happen.
well... here i am 42 years old, and while getting pregnant is certainly a possibility, its definitely not a probability. the clock is winding down and i dont know if i even care. maybe if i was married, it would matter more to me, but for now, it doesnt and its a relief in many respects to not have that yearning. the downside is, more often than not, the men i see on the dating site want kids. again, possible, but not probable.
i love kids. i so involved with my nieces and nephews and while i realize that is not being a parent, i dont have any bottled up maternal instinct that i need to use up.i have fed, changed diapers, and comforted scads of babies and toddlers. i think i would be a good step-parent for what thats worth.
in a family focused church, is a woman worth anything if she cant reproduce? dont misunderstand me. I KNOW i am worth something, but the demand for my type of girl could be low amongst lds guys. mr nice guy was convinced we would have kids no matter what and mr ex man had several, so me having kids mattered little to him.
just thinking out loud. my personal pro/con list seems to be shifting off balance.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


driving home tonight i caught a bit of a radio talk show where the host was asking who were the better drivers; men or women? i guess some study reported that 1 in 3 men are afraid to be in the car when their wife or girlfriend is driving.
personally, i think me do have the edge when it comes to driving and are generally better drivers, but if a man is bad, he is THE WORST. msof was a horrible driver. he had no sense of direction and would drive miles out of his way in some odd, random pattern to get to a location 5 minutes away in a straight line. it was bad.
i am an ok driver. i used to be a speed demon, but driving with my nieces and nephews has slowed me down a lot. i am not an aggressive driver unless someone tries to zoom ahead and cut me off when they lose a lane due to construction. then i am a BITCH. i will refuse to let them in, no matter what. 'you saw the sign a mile back telling you were going to lose your lane, dont EVEN try to squirm in ahead of me!"
i think its over generalizing to say women are just bad drivers, but we seem to do sillier things behind the wheel. like put on make up and nylons. it happens. it really does.

smc cooks make ahead muffin melts

make ahead muffin melts
adapted from the pioneer woman(who STOLE it from her mother!)


* 12 whole Hard-boiled Eggs, Peeled And Chopped
* 2 cups Grated Cheddar Cheese
* 1 cup (real) Mayonnaise
* 12 slices Bacon, Fried And Crumbled
* 1 Tablespoon (heaping) Dijon Mustard
* ½ teaspoons Garlic Powder
* 3 dashes Worcestershire Sauce
* 6 whole English Muffins Split

Preparation Instructions

Combine eggs with all other ingredients. Fold together gently. Cover and store in the fridge overnight.

Spread on English muffin halves, then broil for 3 to 5 minutes or until hot and bubbly. (Don’t set them too close to the heating element.)

i halved this recipe and did not have enough bacon, so i substituted sausage and it was GOOD. my taste testers loved it. very easy and just about everything in this recipe are things we normally have around. no exotic or expensive ingredients. i ALWAYS like that.

ME, day 1

1. my favorite song:

i really dont have ONE. maybe i can boil this down by genre...

hymn: the spirit of God like a fire is burning.
country: john deere green by joe diffe or anymore by travis tritt
heavy metal: still loving you by the scorpions or sandman by metallica
pop: mmmm this is hard...cant think of anything off the top of my head.
barry manilow(a genre unto himself) even now
mixed bag: here without you by 3 doors down, all or nothing by theory of a deadman

theres tons more, but it was just supposed to be 1, so i will stop. i am sure i am forgetting some stand outs, but this was totally off the cuff, so there ya go.

copy cat

i thought this was an interesting idea from the undomestic goddess.
30 Days of ME
Day 1: Your favorite song
Day 2: Your favorite movie
Day 3: Your favorite television program
Day 4: Your favorite book
Day 5: Your favorite quote
Day 6: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 7: A photo that makes you happy
Day 8: A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9: A photo you took
Day 10: A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11: A photo of you taken recently
Day 12: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13: A fictional book
Day 14: A non-fictional book
Day 15: A fanfic
Day 16: A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17: An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19: A talent of yours
Day 20: A hobby of yours
Day 21: A recipe
Day 22: A website
Day 23: A YouTube video
Day 24: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25: Your day, in great detail
Day 26: Your week, in great detail
Day 27: This month, in great detail
Day 28: This year, in great detail
Day 29: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30: Whatever tickles your fancy

Monday, July 19, 2010

what took me so long...

to try stacy's pita chips? the pioneer woman raved about them. a good friend in my ward loves them and bugged me forever to pick some up, but i always forgot or just blew it off because i wasnt in the mood for pita chips. i picked up the tuscan herb variety and some sabra roasted red pepper hummus and i made myself a delicious light lunch with nothing artificial or gross in it at all! feel free to mock me if you are already a stacy's pita chip lover, but if you arent, run out and get some! they are yummy.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

perfect for each other

i love how sean sums up the meaning of true love and a good marriage. funny, but very poignant.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

in a nut shell...

here is a quick re-cap of THE MEN OF SINGLE MORMON CHICK:

tall guy with sunglasses(tgws) my first love. we dated for about 5 years(high school and a little beyond) and i truly loved him, but he got caught up in drugs and it really changed everything i was attracted to. we broke up when i was 19 and almost a year later i was married to...

mr soldier of fortune(msof)we had known each other since we were little kids, but never went out or anything romantic. apparently he loved me all through high school and thought it was a waste for me to have been with tgws. we were married for about 10 years. things had been bad for quite a while, but the final straw was his infidelity. it was so devastating then, but the details are kind of comical now.

mr nice guy was a momma's boy. he was so nice and such a gentleman, but completely controlled by his mother. if he had ever found the jar his mother had his balls stored in, we probably would have gotten married.

mr great white north was a little bit older than i normally liked, but he was truly young at heart. i really enjoyed my time with him and broke my "lets be friends rule" when i told him about mr ex man.

mr ex man was my guy. he chased me down on one of the dating sites shortly after i had met mr great white north. the chemistry was immediate and we had a lot of cool things in common. we connected on so many levels and i just thought he was amazing. it truly seemed like we were made for each other,but then there was major drama with his ex wife regarding his kids. from the outside looking in, it seemed pretty clear what he should do, but he couldnt see the forest for the trees. his choices completely ruined us by destroying trust. there were a few other things, but i think they could have been resolved if it werent for the ex wife issues. it was a horrible break up that drug out for much longer than it ever should have, but isnt that how so many break ups go?

mr jack mormon is such a fun guy and i really liked being with him, but he wanted sex. pre marital sex to be exact. he felt that all couples needed to sleep together before marriage to be sure they were sexually compatible. we had many intellectual discussions regarding this. he never "tried" anything, but during one of our discussions he let me know that the reason he never kissed me was because i wouldnt have sex with him. talk about throwing the baby out with the bath water.

so thats it in a nut shell...some of the highlights of my romantic life so far.

Friday, July 16, 2010


in the past week i have gotten texts from mr jack mormon, tall guy with sunglasses, and mr great white north. of all three of those guys, who do you think pissed me off the most? MR GREAT WHITE NORTH. why? you might ask. well i will tell you why. despite the fact that i had the least emotional involvement with him, he was the one who gave the speech(more than once) about how cool i was and how great our connection seemed to be and he would be remiss if he just didnt pursue this and see where it went. then he said i think we should just be friends. asshole.
i told you the mr jack mormon story. after 6 months he calls and asks if i want to go to dinner. i would have went(might have been dumb), but the timing was off. probably for the best because the text conversations went the same way they always do. him asking me for sex and then giving me a hard time when i turn him down.
i cannot remember the last time i have spoken with tgws. we text occasionally. stuff like "merry Christmas" and "how are you?" a few times a year. i was kind of surprised when i saw a missed call from him on my cell phone. i called him back and he joked around with me for a bit and i teased him about why he called.his tone immediately changed from goofy to serious. and i knew. then he told me that his mother had died suddenly. he was devastated and i felt horrible for him. i have no problem with him calling, just found it odd that after his siblings, i was the first person he called.
i have broken up with all of these men. not just the nice "mutual" break ups. big ugly, major parting of the ways-ok, maybe not mr great white north, but that one really pissed me off. am i clueless or is this unusual behavior?
i am glad i spoke to tgws, but regret not just ignoring mr jack mormon. i am glad ignored mr great white north. ignoring is so hard for me to do because i really think it is a crappy way to treat someone. tell them you dont want to talk to them. explain why if necessary, but dont ignore. its cruel, in my opinion. i know i hate to be ignored, but i ignored mr great white north and i am GLAD i did it.
my life is weird.

numbers game

if the average lds person gets married at...lets say 22(being a tad generous here) and and if they started dating at 16, you could say that the average lds person is only single and dating for 6 years.
i have been divorced for over 10 years in addition to the 4 years of dating prior to my marriage at 20.
this thought occurred to me the other day and i found it very interesting. fourteen plus years compared to an average of 6.
just saying.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

weird dream

i rarely remember my dreams, but if i do, the memories are generally unclear and i can only assign vague feelings and emotions to them rather than actual details.
last nights dream was different.

my friend annie calls me up and asks me to do a waxing service on one of her clients. she was going to his house right then and wanted to know if i could leave right away.
we arrive at his house and we he answers the door, i am a little surprised to see how young he is. he truly only looked like he was in his early 20's, but i figured he was probably 26 or 27.
he invited us in and offered us something to drink. even if he was in his late 20's, his social grace matured him in a very appealing way.
annie busied herself getting set up and i proceeded to cleanse his face and start trimming his facial hair(this in itself is weird. you do not wax a mans facial hair. ever.). he seemed comfortable with this close contact and we are chatting and joking when quite suddenly he kisses me.
its like one of those scenes in the movies where the girl is surprised and might even resist the kiss for a moment, but in a matter of a few seconds the shock has worn off and i am leaning into this unexpected kiss(who knows where annie is at this point)and it turns into this amazing make out.
the next thing i know we are at a party. apparently he is somewhat famous in his field of work because people are fawning all over him, but he seems unaffected and i am even more impressed with him. despite all that is going on, he is paying a lot of attention to me and its pretty obvious that he is crazy about me, but i am kind of uptight about the age difference. it doesnt phase him in the slightest and he keeps telling everyone how we met and got together and how happy we are. i feel really happy being with him. it feels right despite the obvious obstacles.
this is where the details go fuzzy, but we continue on as a couple and are very happy. in this dream, i am dressed fashionably, but not in my normal taste. i dont recognize him from real life at all, but he definitely isnt my standard. really young, blonde hair(i usually like darker hair)and kind of skinny. he kind of looks like a better dressed skater guy. i never caught his name.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

oh boy

this just isnt feeling right. i am allowing for the fact that i am freaking out, but this whole dating site thing just seems so odd and foreign to me now.
i got the first "you have new matches" email. i was afraid to open it at first, thinking that it might show mr ex man or mr nice guy. i met both of them on this site and we were considered great matches.
my match for this week had no picture posted and stated very clearly in the first few sentences that he wants more kids. dead end.
amongst the men who have looked at my profile was a man that said something along the lines of "if you see that i have viewed your profile and i have not contacted you, do not send me an email or a flirt, i am only interested in the women that i contact."
he didnt contact me, which is fine, but let me tell you, if he did, i would reject him based on that statement alone.
thinking that this was a mistake, but i am going to hold out for a little bit more to allow for the freak out factor to subside.


“Wisdom doesn’t automatically come with old age. Nothing does—except wrinkles. It’s true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.”
― Abigail Van Buren

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

dear casey kasem

i would like to send a long distance dedication to mr ex man. thanks, love, single mormon chick

the rated r clause

its really more like a loop hole. a loop hole that i created myself and surprisingly feel very little guilt about.
a little history. i NEVER watched rated r movies until i got married. then all i watched was rated r movies. msof was all about the rambo, die hard, and terminator movies. i just gave in. it bothered me at first, but you really do become desensitized to all the violence. i became unaware of what the rating was on any movie-i just saw what i wanted to see.
in 2006(i am so bad with dates, i cant believe i remember the year)my perspective started to change. i was becoming very senstive to the things i was seeing on the screen. the violence was just too much and the sex? dont even go there. i just couldnt deal and i decided to go back to my old rule. no rated r movies. i cleaned out my dvd collection and passed them on and put my friends on notice. they were all supportive. maybe a few playful jabs, but nothing really mean.
it was really a rough transition for gbf. we really liked the same movies that none of our other friends liked. we went to see american beauty(loved it)with 3 other friends and they HATED it. they were pissed that they even wasted 2 hours on it, but gbf and i loved it and couldnt stop talking about it. lets face it, most pg-13 movies are chick flicks and gbf is definitely NOT interested in those.
i have broken the rule a few times. for the most part, i regret it. like going to see sex in the city. what a waste. i used to love the show and i just really wanted to see how it translated onto the silver screen. not good. i also learned that you cant trust your most trusted friends when they describe a movie. gbf really wanted me to see forgetting sarah marshall . he kept telling me how great it was and how he really couldnt see why it was rated r. he said there was only 1 pretty tame sex scene and it really didnt take away from how great the movie was. i finally saw the movie and all i can say he was right and he was wrong. he was right- i liked the movie. it was really funny and very smart despite some of the stupidity. where he was wrong was that there was NOT one tame sex scene, there were a few, but the real kicker was the full frontal male nudity in the first 10 minutes. it was not fleeting either. i guess full frontal male nudity just doesnt register the same for a gay guy.
so i have broken the rule a few times,but the loop hole i mentioned above is this: if i have already seen it, i will watch it again. when american beauty comes on tv, i watch it. i know when to avert my eyes or take a potty break. i know its pathetic and truly stomping to death even the spirit of the law.

bitch switch

now that i have a profile on a dating site, i am getting some feedback from my friends and the overwhelming opinion seems to be that i need to be a bitch. lay down the law and if the men dont tow the line, then good riddance.
several of my friends have each told me that i give too many chances. i dont like the sounds of that. it makes me sound desperate and willing to take any crap that a man dishes out. not the case, but....but...but...they are probably right.
case in point: i cant tell you how many dates mr nice guy broke because his mother pulled him away with some ridiculous task. the first time i was irritated, but understanding. the second time, not so much and i took the opportunity to be sure my expectations were clearly outlined. he was appropriately apologetic and made some grand gestures to make it up to me. the third time...well the third time scored about a 7 on the richter scale. i broke up with him, but when he came back months later, again, very apologetic and ready to make it up to me, i wasnt such an easy sell. he convinced me, but he just repeated the behavior.too many chances.
there are other examples, but i wont bore you with them here, but i will say that until my marriage, i had a reputation of being a bitch. a bitch that plenty of guys/boys/men wanted to be with and were willing to do whatever i wanted.
the good thing with that was that while i was demanding, i wasnt demeaning. i demanded respect and courtesy and i reciprocated. it wasnt about making him hold my purse while shopping endlessly in the mall or sending him like an errand boy to buy tampons. i have never had a man do either for me. i am sure just about everyone(except msof)would have done either for me, i just never asked.
i dont want to be a bitch for the sake of being a bitch, but i certainly will look for the red flags and not allow for the things i allowed for in the past. i graded on a curve and i wont be doing that anymore. i guess i was extending kindness that i hoped would be extended to me,but it doesnt work that way. unfortunately.
if i can hang in there and not delete my profile, i will probably give you guys all of the gory details. sounds fun, doesnt it?


“Life is all about timing...the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable...attainable. Have the patience, wait it out.”
― Stacey Charter

Monday, July 12, 2010

coincidence...i love it!

"Someday Someone Will Walk Into Your Life And Make You Realize Why It Never Worked Out With Anyone Else..."

i was blog surfing from tripp hazards blog and came across "letting you in" which just happens to be one of my followers! i love coincidences like that. i have only read a little of her blog, but she has some cool quotes that i love.

done deal

my dating profile is up on one of the lds dating sites. i feel slightly nauseous. i am really trying to get to why this is making me so nervous. is it like a dance-afraid no one will ask the tall, non- blonde? is it because the last time i had a profile listed, i met and fell in love with mr ex man and we all know how that turned out?
even the pictures that i loved so much seem kind of icky to me. like somehow i morphed into an unattractive beast.
is it just me? am i being silly? do men go through this anxiety?
i am sure i will calm down. its just the initial step back into the abyss.
i hate feeling this way. kind of foriegn-i am ok in just about any other social situation. more than ok, but this is just DIFFICULT.


“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work. You don't give up.”
— Anne Lamott

Sunday, July 11, 2010

learning love

“Love must be learned, and learned again and again; there is no end to it.”
— Katherine Anne Porter

Saturday, July 10, 2010

mr jack mormon

asked me out last night. how weird is that? he was the final straw in me making my decision to go on a dating hiatus. i havent heard from him in over 6 months, so to see his text pop up was quite a shocker. i actually didnt look at my phone until about an hour after he sent it. he wanted to go to dinner and i definitely would have been up for it, but the timing was off.
why would a guy call after 6 months?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

how do you survive this?

a dear friend of mine is suffering. he is suffering with probably the biggest humiliation of his life. horribly mortified. let me tell you the story.
he is a grown man, late 40's, with 5 teenagers. 4 boys and a girl. the girl is the oldest at 18 years old. she is a nice girl, beautiful, but doesnt date. she is focused on school and her parents(now amicable after a nasty divorce 10 years ago)speculate that their divorce made her leery of getting involved in any romantic entanglements.
my friend has dated quite a bit in the last 10 years. he has had a few relationships and two short lived engagements. from what i can piece together, it seems like it was always something with the kids that ran the relationship off the tracks.
about 8 months ago he met the love of his life. i can tell just by the way he talks about her that she is THE ONE. i am envious of the relationship he describes with her. it sounds truly amazing.
they have had their ups and downs. a good portion of their relationship has been long distance. they talk regularly, but like we all do, rely on email and text messaging for communication.
just recently, they were flirting big time via text. it started going into rated r territory when by some bizarre cell phone catastrophe he sent a naughty message intended for his soul mate to his 18 year old daughter.
yes folks. his pg-13(ok maybe r)fantasy was transmitted to his young daughter. he is mortified. we spoke briefly and he is shock, so embarrassed, and inconsolable.
from what he tells me, his daughter is judging him pretty harshly.
i agree that this was a mistake. he and his girlfriend should have never allowed their texting to go that far, but as embarrassing as it might be, he is an adult, and to me, he should apologize to his daughter for the mistake, but explain that its none of her business.
am i crazy?
ps-all the people involved in this story are lds. active. my friend and his girlfriend have temple recommends.
pps-he sent me the text so i could see exactly what it said-it was mainly kissing stuff(the silly stuff we say to each other when we are in love)-which would be embarrassing to any kid- but at the end there was a reference to untying a bathing suit top. should he be burned at the stake? i am thinking no, but...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

good conversation

women, in general, complain about how men cant/dont/wont talk, right? i have never really had that problem, but i figured out why.
when rehashing broken relationships and listing the good things about said broken relationship, "good conversation" was always, without exception, on the list.
but,but BUT how can we have such good communication and the break ups be so ugly? BECAUSE I AM THE GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST. its all me.
i thought it was a marker of a good relationship with healthy communication patterns, but it is really just party skills put to use for an extended period of time.
no longer can "good conversation" be any sort of test, because its not rare. it doesnt mean anything.

Monday, July 5, 2010


“Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything.”
― Floyd Dell

Sunday, July 4, 2010


i am going to stop saying "exactly" so much. i was listening to someone today and they said it a lot. it started to bug me and then i realize that i say it way too much as well.
i have noticed that when someone does something to really annoy me that i can usually find that i, myself am guilty of what they are doing.
why is that?