Tuesday, June 26, 2012

do guys do that?

i was thinking about Dick and a random memory appeared, seemingly out of the mists of my mind. it was a happy memory and i liked tossing it around in my head since its one of the few(i assume)that i havent worn out like an old cassette tape.
do guys do that?  will a memory of an ex catch you off guard and it is allowed to linger? men are famous for compartmentalizing, so i wonder if walking down memory lane is common.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

am i lonely?

i generally dont think about lonliness much. i dont mind being alone and there arent many times that i can truly say i was lonely.
yesterday my 14 yr old niece asked me if i was lonely. my knee jerk reaction was to say no, but her question made me think about it and eventually admit the truth to myself. i am, in fact, lonely.
somehow it makes me feel less to admit that. is it ok to be lonely or is it a symptom of a deeper issue within myself?
i think about Dick every day and miss him, but i am not traumatized by it.  i just feel like i am patiently(usually) waiting. i am not in any sort of deep anguish, but i feel a little lost and wish he was here to anchor me. i have always anchored myself. why do i feel the desire for him to do it now?
i dont want to think about it anymore.