Sunday, July 24, 2011

soooo.....i was right

i was in trouble. can i explain to you how i hate being stupid? not that i am always stupid, but i have my tendencies and they usually have something to do with men.
the friend thing is working out ok with mr nice guy. not so much with mr ex man. why am i surprised? I DONT FREAKIN KNOW!!!!!
i swear it started out fine. i was lulled into a brief sense of complacency and then KA-POW!! he blind sides me.
it got ugly super fast. he is now "enlightened" and "free" since he has denounced the church. of course i should free myself and join him. live with him without the shackles of traditional marriage or organized religion.
i swear i tried to reason with him. no, not to convince him to change his ways, just to explain how we dont work. i was hoping he could understand and we could continue on with our "friendship". nope.
he turned on me so fast that i cant even believe it.
why cant we all just be relatively normal?

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

uhmmmmmmmm i am in trouble

i had a long conversation with mr ex man today. why did i do this? i have no good reason to give you. am i glad i did it? kind of. let me tell you the reason i am not glad. he maintains that he still loves me and that i am THE ONE. i find that flattering, but ridiculous.
the reason i am glad? he copped to a few things that i NEVER thought he would admit. ever. like he was wrong and he wish he would have handled things differently. i liked hearing that. especially since there was absolutely no fishing or prompting from me.
the experience was completely absent of animosity. so nice.
whats next with him? i think at least one more conversation is on the horizon, but i am just happy to "wrap things up". kind of.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


i have definitely entered the friend zone with mr nice guy and it looks like i might be there with mr ex man.
mr ex man is iffy because he says he still loves me, but the context of the statement is somewhat shaky.
anyone who has been reading my blog for a while knows that i am not a fan of the "lets be friends" thing, but i feel like i was somewhat inspired when it comes to mr nice guy. i couldnt be more pleased with our easy going conversation and how it all turned out. i can tell he was happy too. i let him off the hook for a lot of stuff and he accepted an apology from me in the most gracious and gentlemanly way.
mr ex man tried to use the lets be friends line a long time ago, but i immediately rejected it because he was using it to by time. his reasons and excuses were beyond lame. i am slightly concerned that he might try to use this as a way to squirm back into my life, but i am on full alert.
i think things will be good with mr nice guy.
i feel like i have grown as a person. :)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

testing the waters

there is a new guy. maybe. i think he is testing the waters to see if i would be receptive to him asking me out. its fairly apparent that he likes me as a human. he has sat next to me at different activities(yes, THOSE activities)and even invited me to a few. i think he attended one activity solely because i said i was going. i am not sure. i hate making those declarations because it sound so flippin conceited-which i am not.
there are some major aspects of mr new guy that remind me of mr ex man. i have been examining myself and my motives to be sure that its mr new guy that i am interested in and not recreating and making right what went wrong with mr ex man.
so mr nice guy has been married and divorced 3 times. i have picked up different parts of the story as he has told them to other people. i refuse to ask him any details(yet),but today he offered some of the details without me asking.
he is funny(i love the funny guys)and nice. i have noticed that he is kind in different situations where others would not be. there have been a few times where i know the most patient and Christ-like person who have been rude, he was not. i noticed and was impressed. not that he is a door mat or wishy washy. definitely not that at all. i have seen him call a few people out on their crap. i just like him. even if we never went out, i would like to be friends with him. thats rare for me.
the last time he sat next to me, i fell effortlessly into a casual flirting mode that he seemed to enjoy. i know i did.
more on him later.

Monday, July 11, 2011


i am not a lover of summer. extreme heat is an enemy of mine and i do what i can to avoid it.
this summer hasnt been so bad and i am SO HAPPY. the dichotomy is that i love the water and summertime is when fun in the water happens. i love lakes, rivers, oceans and ponds. well, i love to look at ponds, but not get in them. the bottom tends to be squishy and i hate the feeling of not knowing what i am stepping in.
another weird thing about me is that as much as i love the water, i have never water skied.
i prefer spring or fall and thats all i have to say about that.
sorry for the lame forest gump reference.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

stupid, dumb, and ugly

this is what a happily(really, she is)married friend of mine says when she is frustrated with her super cool(seriously, he is)husband OR when i tell her a story about my dating life.
she is talking about boys of course.
i think its a funny saying, but i have always been a lover of boys. i like boys. even before the hormones kicked in, i had friends of the opposite sex. i dont think they are stupid, dumb, or ugly. in many ways, they are more direct and easier to deal with. when i have been asked why i hang around with guys(distant past, not so much anymore)i always joked that i liked the confidence in knowing that the guys i hang around enjoy my company; if they didnt, they wouldnt hang around, whereas girls will be sweet to your face and then stab you in the back without blinking an eye.
nothing too exciting to report on the romantic front.
mr motorcycle man up and moved quite suddenly a week or so ago. i got to see him one last time, say good bye and give him a hug. i was going to offer a ncmo to send him on his way, but i thought better of it. i dont think he is the guy i would like to have my 1st ncmo with. i also thought that i should reign things in when he jokingly asked if i would move(about 2 thousand miles away)with him. i went along with it, asking how many girls he asked before me, but he didnt seem to be kidding when he said "just you."
ok-maybe guys are stupid, dumb, and ugly. this is the guy that a month ago said he felt no spark(i agreed with him)and didnt think we should date anymore(fine by me, just wish i said it first.). sheesh. i think i just got derailed in my own post. never a good thing.
i am going to stop typing now.