Sunday, January 31, 2010

what the....

"a single sister in her forties" was used as an example of an unusual circumstance where the full time missionaries would need assistance from the ward members. he said it as a joke and it got quite a laugh. as the single membership in the church continues to grow and the accepted fact that the women far out number the men-is this funny? i havent decided. what do you think?

Friday, January 29, 2010

memories of tgws

tgws(tall guy with sunglasses)did not like modern english. he was a total metal head, but this song was really popular when we first started "going out" and i really liked it. he really liked me, so he tolerated it with a smile. i am sure all the smiles, kisses, and pretty sparkles being shot from my blue eyes helped him cope.

i heard "i melt with you" on the radio in the car and it reminded me of this short(seemed like an eternity at the time)period of time when i was grounded(for what, i dont remember. probably for spending too much time on the phone.) and was not allowed to do anything besides go to school, chores, and homework. no friends. including my brand new boyfriend,tall guy with sunglasses. the cruelty was almost too much to bear, but we had brief moments after school to see each other and steal a few kisses before i had to get home.

thank goodness fate stepped in. i got a primo babysitting job(babysitting was excluded from the grounding). the lady across the street needed me 3 days a week while she went to night school. it paid well and i would have 3 evenings a week pretty much to myself. her kids were young, so i would be feeding them and then putting them to bed. that meant mtv all night! the tv was off at our house by 8. my parents were oddly strict about bedtimes. i actually had to campaign to get a later bedtime when i went to high school. all of this was perfect timing considering i was GROUNDED. i could talk on the phone all night and my parents would never know.

i was a pretty obedient kid, so it really didnt cross my mind to invite tgws over while i was babysitting. "bending" the rules by talking on the phone with tgws and my friends was one thing, but BREAKING them and having him over was an entirely different story. most of the families i worked for were in my ward and had strict "no boys" policies. mrs night school was not a member and she had no problem with me having friends over(even boys). so when tgws suggested he drop by after he punched out of his after school job, i immediately said yes. then i got nervous. technically i would be disobeying my parents and it would be a serious breach of my grounding. all of this was outweighed by how much i missed him and wanted to see him outside of the few minutes after school.

it was well after dark when tgws got off work as a bag boy at the local grocery store. it was like we were playing house when he came in and gave me a kiss and jokingly asked what was for dinner. he ate the blue box dinner i had prepared for the kids and we watched tv. mtv was our favorite. it was the mid 80's and there werent that many videos,so we saw "i melt with you" A LOT. they didnt do all the crazy programming they do now. it was just videos. no real world, cribs, or jersey shore just videos and those super cool vjs.

it was all just background noise to our make outs. we genuinely liked each other and could talk for hours on the phone, but when we were together...the fireworks, the chemistry, the heat, THE HORMONES. we could not stay off of each other.

see how one random song on the car radio can just throw me back? craziness. maybe i should reconsider the dating hiatus so i can post stories that arent over 20 years old. i am coughing from the dust kicked up from this one.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Retire it already! I am worn out from hearing 'thats what I AM talkin about!' & 'boo-yah!' & the evil laugh spelled out- 'muh whah whah'. HATE all of it!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

creating a brand new ending

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard

Monday, January 25, 2010

uh oh getting sucked in

the sa program is coming to my little town. a year ago there wasnt even have a singles ward, now they are the rumblings of establishing the "middle singles" scene through activities such as family home evening, temple nights, and other non-dance type stuff. because of my calling, i am visible and ,as you may have noticed, have a big mouth so i am being asked to get involved. to "help". no official callings. there were some hints on a stake level, but i made it known i did NOT want to be involved like that. so far, so good. i figure this is my come uppance. i have complained enough and now here is an opportunity to possibly make some effective changes in what i consider and totally ineffective program. what changes do you think should be made? give me some ideas so i am prepared! thanks in advance.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

smc still cooking with the pioneer woman

i made the pw's potato skins yesterday. DELICIOUS!! i have never made potato skins of any kind, but i think most recipes call for them to be fried. not pioneer womans! there is oil in the recipe, but nothing compared to completely submerging the potato in a vat of boiling oil.
the recipe is not listed on her blog, so i wont list it here(until i figure out if i am allowed to do so), but i can tell you its really easy, a little time consuming(an hour + for baking the potatoes), and doesnt require any fancy or cost prohibitive ingredients.
pioneer womans recipe is classic. cheese, bacon, sour cream, and chopped green onions. the flavors meld just right and i was surprised how delicious such simplicity could be.
if you have the book, please try these-they are so worth it!


"All the sorrow and trouble of this world is caused by unhappy people...The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world."
—Elizabeth Gilbert

Friday, January 22, 2010

a big waste of time

but so FUN. i have been reading this blog off and on all morning. its hilarious. for a lot of it, i think you have to be lds or immersed in the culture for it to tickle your funny bone instead of looking confused and going "wha..?" i love how they have a ward dog AND a ward snake. not to mention the ward gay and the ward liar. i have been laughing all morning.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

terms of endearment

i am not talking about the classic tear jerker starring debra winger and shirley maclaine. i am referring to what we call each other when we are(supposedly)in love.

mien schatze is what msof(briefly stationed in germany)called me throughout our short courtship, shorter engagement, and the first half of our too long marriage. the last few years we were together, we got a dog, named her schatze and we started calling each other butthead. it was said with all the love in the world, but we called each other butthead. from the german equivalent of "my sweet one" to butthead. quite a commentary, dont you think?

throughout our marriage, we called each other honey, sweetheart, baby, and even a few goofy ones like boo boo and yogi. i never referred to him as "hubby". when i hear women refer to their husbands as hubby, hubs, or the hubster(not making it up, i swear.)my head just wants to explode. not sure why it irritates me so much, but its one of those things that just drives me insane. i seriously want every woman in the world who uses those ridiculous monikers to just STOP. if you dont know me well enough to refer to your husband by his actual name, then simply say "my husband".

i know, maybe a little to picky, but its a pet peeve of mine. anyone else hate this or am i alone in this?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

smc cooks! the cooking continues with the pioneer woman

today i made iny's prune cake with buttermilk icing and all i can say is YUM! this is one of the recipes that is actually in the pioneer woman's archives, so you can check it out here. it is very easy to make and PLEASE dont let the fact there are prunes in it gross you out or make you run away. this is basically a spice cake with a delicious icing. i think calling it "buttermilk icing" is kind of misleading. sure, there IS buttermilk in it, but it translates into a caramel/butterscotch type sauce that seeps in to add to the delicious moistness of the cake and leaves a think layer sitting on top. seriously. yummy. the pioneer woman encourages you to lick the spoon and i was obedient and was instantly blessed. she also encourages you to try the cake warm(i did),but promises that it gets better with time. i will let you know in a day or two. if it lasts that long.
ps-as i was writing this post the pickiest of my taste testers walked in and asked "whats this?" i chose not to divulge the whole truth-he would definitely be turned off by the prunes-and simply called it "spice cake with caramel icing". his eyes rolled heavenward when he put the first bite in his mouth.
pps- there are a lot of desserts in the pioneer womans book, but i will be moving on to her other recipes. most of them are meant to feed a crowd, so i need to line up dates or family or random strangers off the street to cook for.

Monday, January 18, 2010

an answer of sorts?

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt

when the world...

tilts on its axis and everything you know spills out, leaving your world empty and without color, what do you do? what can you do? hang on.
i have been shaken to the core and i am not sure where to start. i dont have it all organized in my mind, but i am trying to make order and figure out my place and what to do.
the things that have transpired in the last few days have not happened to me, but i am so close to the victims that it almost feels like it.
i know i am totally just rambling without giving much real information. its really big, dark, horrible stuff that scares the shit out of me. i normally know how to deal, but i am lost. its affecting me to the point the my heart is breaking and my head hurts.
this is the stuff that kills testimonies and souls could be lost. the adversary is tap dancing i am sure.
i feel like i just want to tell it all in technicolor detail, right here for the whole freakin world to see so i can purge all the ugliness i know out of me.
the word "why?!" keeps repeating over and over in my head.
as we all know, life will go on. i will post silly stories about my dates, recipies that i have made, and fun make up tips. hopefully it will work as a distraction.
if you ever feel like praying for a stranger, please pray for me and those that i love.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

smc and the pioneer woman

i made my first recipe from "the pioneer woman cooks"- "flat apple pie". at first i was going to list the recipe because pw lists all her recipes on her blog- or so i thought. when i checked her blog, flat apple pie was not in her archives. not sure about trademark and copyright laws when it comes to a format like this, so i will just tell you about what happened.
not sure why i started with this one. i have always had problems with pie crust. i failed the pie crust unit in my high school home ec class. mine was never tender and flaky and always resembled cardboard. the few attempts since then have been equally dismal. my mother is a star pie maker, so i decided that it just wasnt one of my talents and focused on other areas in the kitchen. i am great with cakes and cookies and even some candy, but when i saw this recipe as looked through pw's book i decided i wanted to conquer the pie crust.
this recipe is easy and the results were delicious. my moms apple pie is generously laced with cinnamon, but pw's has none. just granulated sugar, brown sugar, and a little lemon. i didnt miss the cinnamon at all!
the pie crust ended up being perfect, but where i failed(and will easily correct next time)was with the "flat" part. instead of using a pie pan, you simply(it wasnt simple for me)put the rolled out crust on a cookie sheet, pile the apples in the middle and fold the edges up around, making a rustic looking tart-like pie. you see the apples peeking out from the middle where the crust doesnt meet. i didnt roll the dough out thin enough and the crust was too thick on top. it tasted good, but the apples were over powered by the crust. i am going to make it again and aim for flat apple pie perfection.

Friday, January 15, 2010

soooooooooo tired

i am a procrastinator. i mean a really bad one. i have been procrastinating writing a couple of longer posts that have some actual insight(i think so, anyway)and something significant(in my opinion)to say. sigh.
the past two days has drained everything out of me. every little thing that i have to give is spent.
so. i procrastinated writing and now i have nothing to give. i know things will get back to normal, but its hard to imagine it right now.
on the flip side, some of my favorite bloggers are recovering from the hectic holidays and posting some really good stuff. thanks guys. you help me take my mind off the drama.
totally random and unrelated thought: i caught an interview with mark wahlberg on the ellen degenerous show and he looked remarkably like msof(mr soldier of fortune, my ex husband). never noticed the likeness before.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


If we choose the right way, we are sustained in our actions by the principles of righteousness, in the which there is power from the heavens. If we choose the wrong way and act on that choice, there is no such heavenly promise or power, and we are alone and are destined to fail."

William R. Bradford, "Righteousness, Ensign," Nov. 1999, 85

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

lets hope

“Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open.”
― John Barrymore

as a man thinketh, so is he...

if that scripture is the literal truth, then i am a violent murderer. or murderess. i guess it doesnt matter. i seriously want to kill someone. someone specific. i was able to plan the details down to the disposal of his body. why do we do what we do to each other? i know that there are plenty of women who are completely selfish and cruel and do evil things, but on this post, i will be talking about selfish and cruel men. i visit teach a woman whose husband has huge addiction issues. like most addicts, he blames everyone but himself. a half a dozen kids didnt slow him down. she is at the end of her rope. she talks about suicide because she just cant handle it anymore. they have been married for 15 years and she has sought the counsel of 5 different bishops. our bishop is number 6. he calls this guy in and now he is mad at HER. typical addict behavior, but still.
i just keep wondering if things are really getting worse or if it just seems that way because i have access to more information about people in the ward. if i wasnt in the rs presidency, i would probably never hear about most of this stuff. its really disheartening and makes me wonder if getting married is really worth it. is that a logical thought process or simply the adversary effectively distracting me from a worthy goal?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

i am so going to be COOKING!

i just got the pioneer woman cooks and LET ME TELL YOU, i am going to be cooking up a storm. i am not even half way through browsing the book and there are at least six recipes i am going to try. since i am on a dating hiatus, i am seeing that cooking will be the replacement activity. that and upping my workouts to off set all the taste testing.


"We all face dangers and hardships, But
there will be 'angels round about you, to bear you up' (D&C 84:88).
They will sustain us as we carry our earthly burdens. Often in our lives,
those angels are the people around us, the people who love us, those who
allow themselves to be instruments in the Lord's
"President Spencer W. Kimball said, 'God does notice us,
and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he
meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the

Susan W. Tanner, "All Things Shall Work Together for Your Good," Ensign, May 2004, 106)

Monday, January 11, 2010

cooking de ja vu

i am having major blog dejavu. i am making some delicious potato soup and thought i would write up another smc cooks post, but i kept thinking i had done it before. i went to look at previous posts, but couldnt find anything, so here goes...

Copycat Black Angus Baked Potato Soup

6 cups milk
2/3 c flour
2/3 c butter
6 large baked potatoes, cut into cubes
10 slices cooked bacon
1 3/4 c shredded cheese(just about any yellow cheese would work)
8 oz sour cream
chopped green onions to taste(i use 3-4)
1/2 tbs black pepper
1/2 tbs white pepper
3/4 tbs salt(i recommend kosher salt)

melt butter, then add flour to make a roux stir as it cooks for about 1 min.
add milk, once heated through add
cubed potatoes
sour cream
i usually will garnish with a little extra bacon, onions, and sour cream.
this is really a delicious soup and this is the best time of year for this warm your tummy goodness!
i am making bread to go with it, but this recipe is new to me, so i will report on it later. it looks yummy. will see if it tastes as good as it looks.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

safety and security

"At . . . moments of crisis and challenge, some choose to abandon
faith just at the time when it most needs to be embraced. Prayer is ignored
at the very hour when it needs to be intensified. Virtue is carelessly
tossed aside when it needs to be cherished. God is forsaken in the
all-too-human yet mistaken fear that He has forsaken us.

"The truth is that our only safety, our only security, our only
hope is to hold fast to that which is good. As the mists of darkness gather
around us, we are only lost if we choose to let go of the iron rod, which
is the word of God."

David S. Baxter, "Faith, Service, Constancy," Ensign, Nov. 2006,

Saturday, January 9, 2010

cute video

had cmc top 20 countdown on as background noise while i was doing some cooking and saturday house cleaning. i have heard this song on the radio and its not one of my favorites, but the video turned me around. i dont think i will change the station anymore when it comes on the radio.when they show the 80's transformation, i laughed out loud. i lived through those clothes. that hair. those dance moves.

smart and funny

AND cute. too bad hes gay. i honestly cannot remember how i found his now defunct blog, but i love what he has to say and how he says it. i like his post about celibacy . he makes some good points. i usually forward these gay mormon things to my gbf(gay best friend), but he takes real issue with lds gays who choose to be celibate in order to stay in good standing with the church. he thinks being celibate is denying your gay-ness. he doesnt use the word gay-ness, of course, but you get what i mean.

Friday, January 8, 2010

just about sums it up...

"Moral discipline is the consistent exercise of agency to choose the right because it is right, even when it is hard. It rejects the self-absorbed life in favor of developing character worthy of respect and true greatness through Christlike service (see Mark 10:42–45)."

D. Todd Christofferson, "Moral Discipline," Ensign, Nov. 2009, 105

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

is it in the water?

seems like many of the blogs that i read have been slow to post or making comments about how the dont feel like posting. i thought it was just me. i seriously have no less than 6 posts in the draft stage, but dont seem to have the motivation to complete them.

i really dont make specific new years resolutions, but i generally look at the new year as fresh start and a chance to refocus on the things i want and need to do.

the prospect of some of these things are kind of fun, but the majority of them are kind of tough. you know, the grown up, get on with it details of life. i find myself teetering towards depression, yanking myself back, and pulling a scarlett ohara--you know, "i cant think about it know, i will think about it tomorrow".

sounds like life, huh?

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

smc loves make up!

lots of us use the new year to start a myriad of make overs. some of us need to make over the inside; trade out old, bad habits for new, more favorable ones. build character and make ourselves better people.

sometimes all we need is a fresh coat of paint. some might scoff at the benefits of changing or updating your look, but i am here to tell you it feels great!
recently i bought two new maybelline(a brand i rarely use)mascaras. walgreens was having a buy one get one free sale and i jumped on the chance to try out their new "lash stiletto". i really like this mascara! it went on so smooth, not a clump to be seen and it actually curled my lashes! seriously, my lashes stick straight out and sometimes even a regular eyelash curler doesnt do the job. i have pretty long lashes, but this stuff fulfilled its promise and made them even longer. almost touching my eyebrows long. they looked really good, not scary or spidery at all. the only thing it didnt do was give a shiny look-which was ok with me.

the second tube of mascara i got was the volume express. it delivered on some extra volume, but i thought it would be a little more. still liked it, just will keep looking for another mascara to really thicken up my lashes.

so....2010 has my baby blues framed beautifully thanks to maybelline and walgreens.

Monday, January 4, 2010

happy new year

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man (or woman)." --Benjamin Franklin

Sunday, January 3, 2010


Do I exist for my own personal happiness? No, my whole existence is devoted to her, even in spite of her. And by what right should I have dared to aspire to her love? What does it matter, so that it does no injure her happiness? My duty is to keep close to her steps, to surround her existence with mine, to serve her as a barrier against all danger; to offer my head as a stepping-stone, to place myself unceasingly between her and all sorrows, without claiming reward, without expecting recompense. . . Alas! If she only allow me to give my life to anticipating her every desire, all her caprices; if she but permit me to kiss with respect her adored footprints; if she but consent to lean upon me at times amidst the difficulties of life.

~ Victor Hugo about Adele Foucher

Saturday, January 2, 2010

smc cooks for Christmas

i have 2 sets of friends that i usually dont get a chance to get together with until after Christmas. this works out well for me because it gives me more time to finish putting together gifts. gives me something to do on a lazy Christmas day when i dont feel like picking up all the tattered gift wrap and crushed bows left about the living room.amongst these friends, we usually give little token gifts, but the thing we most look forward to is the exchange of the goodies. we all have our specialties, but besides my loved-by-all biscotti, i made a few new things that everyone went crazy over. i made some old fashioned chocolate syrup by alton brown and put it in some cool looking vintage jars. i had stopped making chocolate truffles years ago, but when i saw this interesting recipe by the pioneer woman, i just had to try it and i am so glad i did. everyone loved them! the dark and milk chocolates are balanced just right and the few grains of sea salt add an amazing layer of flavor.
i did a few more things, but my favorite was that i "brewed" my own vanilla. got a couple of vanilla beans and a jug of vodka and i was good to go. everyone has been impressed with their little bottles of the amber liquid with a vanilla bean soaking inside. kind of fun shopping for vodka in a small, mostly lds town.