Wednesday, January 13, 2010

as a man thinketh, so is he...

if that scripture is the literal truth, then i am a violent murderer. or murderess. i guess it doesnt matter. i seriously want to kill someone. someone specific. i was able to plan the details down to the disposal of his body. why do we do what we do to each other? i know that there are plenty of women who are completely selfish and cruel and do evil things, but on this post, i will be talking about selfish and cruel men. i visit teach a woman whose husband has huge addiction issues. like most addicts, he blames everyone but himself. a half a dozen kids didnt slow him down. she is at the end of her rope. she talks about suicide because she just cant handle it anymore. they have been married for 15 years and she has sought the counsel of 5 different bishops. our bishop is number 6. he calls this guy in and now he is mad at HER. typical addict behavior, but still.
i just keep wondering if things are really getting worse or if it just seems that way because i have access to more information about people in the ward. if i wasnt in the rs presidency, i would probably never hear about most of this stuff. its really disheartening and makes me wonder if getting married is really worth it. is that a logical thought process or simply the adversary effectively distracting me from a worthy goal?


  1. Just don't marry a jerk. Simple as that. :)

    There are plenty of good people out there. You are getting skewed results because you are seeing a higher proportion of crazies to normals by virtue of your calling.

    The squeaky wheel gets the grease and the problem-filled relationship gets the spotlight.

  2. I think it is very much the adversary working on you. I work as a marriage and family therapist and I see the horrors that can happen in marriage all day every day. Yet I also get to see when it is amazing and the closeness that couples can have when they work through the hard stuff. The important part for you would be to make sure you choose well. Don't choose out of fear because that won't go well either, but make sure that you are being your authentic self in the relationship and so is he. Make sure that you are both going the same place and have close enough ways of doing those things to make it work. If you are having problems being your true self or knowing your real self in relationships, doing a little self evaluation or even a little therapy might be helpful. I love the work I do and I know that if we truly seek to change and honestly look at ourselves, Heavenly Father will show us what to work on and how to do it or place people in our lives to help us with that.

  3. I like what the therapist said. Marriage can be wonderful. But when it's absolute hell, maybe one should call it quits...

  4. I agree that it is the adversary. There are lots of great relationships out there, including mine of 27 years. We have more fun and are more in love now than when we first got married. Don't let a few bad ones spoil the view.

  5. who marries a jerk on purpose? ;-) i am sure there is some self punishing person who seeks that kind of person out to somehow redeem themselves or to feel needed or some other passive aggressive/co-dependent craziness, but not this girl!
    i totally agree with the whole concept of working to be the right person as opposed to looking for the right person. self awareness and working on your own baggage and issues is key.
    i am finding even the "good" ones seem to be faking and effectively putting up a facade in order to distract from their true nature.
    we all have to take responsibility, but when you are on the look out for the red flags and asking all the right questions AND still get a jerk dressed in nice guy clothes, it gets so discouraging. and exhausting. BITTER! PARTY OF ONE!