this just isnt feeling right. i am allowing for the fact that i am freaking out, but this whole dating site thing just seems so odd and foreign to me now.
i got the first "you have new matches" email. i was afraid to open it at first, thinking that it might show mr ex man or mr nice guy. i met both of them on this site and we were considered great matches.
my match for this week had no picture posted and stated very clearly in the first few sentences that he wants more kids. dead end.
amongst the men who have looked at my profile was a man that said something along the lines of "if you see that i have viewed your profile and i have not contacted you, do not send me an email or a flirt, i am only interested in the women that i contact."
he didnt contact me, which is fine, but let me tell you, if he did, i would reject him based on that statement alone.
thinking that this was a mistake, but i am going to hold out for a little bit more to allow for the freak out factor to subside.
What site are you on? What sites have you tried? I have considered giving the whole online dating thing a try again but I really didn't like ldsplanet.com.
ReplyDeletei have tried planet, mingle, and singles. they all had their good points, but definitely had their bad points too. i think ldsso is the only one that i wouldnt try again.
ReplyDeleteBut which one is the best? Have you tried match.com or eharmony or chemistry?
ReplyDeletei tried match.com a LONG time ago. i remember liking it, but the importance i put on religious compatibility made it tough for them to find matches for me. same with e harmony.
ReplyDeletenever tried chemistry. have you?
gbf found his husband on match.com. i know a few others, but i wouldnt hold them up as good examples of success of the site.
the wedding i posted about a few months ago was an e harmony couple.
i dont know if i know any success stories from any of the lds sites. not personally anyway.
My roommate and I tried eHarmony once, he got matches, I was informed via e-mail that I'm one of the 1 in 10 people eHarmony chooses not to match. I still don't know what that means or how to feel about it...
ReplyDeleteI think I know of a "success" from an LDS dating site, but maybe not...
I actually came here because I ran into your post at mormonmatters (http://mormonmatters.org/2009/07/09/mormon-dating-sites-what-the-heck/) Comments on it were closed but because your post there mattered to me I wanted to respond.
ReplyDeleteI am married, but unfortunately won't be for long. I met my wife on an lds singles site. We were eventually sealed in the temple. A year after the sealing I learned one day that she had multiple affairs as well as having spent every dime I'll ever make with bad debts that I am 50% responsible for. Worse, kids (some mine biologically and some hers biologically) were seriously emotionally harmed by her actions and when the kids who melded together wonderfully could no longer handle mom's treatment of them at all that was the last straw.
Yes the idea of online dating seems to make sense when you are in an area with few singles, but the risks are very high. I'll refrain from going into any more personal details.
I definitely do see the ability to create a false identity and hide real problems online. Elder Bednar's article from the June 2010 Ensign talks about the important differences between virtual and real. We can make mistakes in who we choose to marry no matter what we do, but really knowing a person (in person--not long distance) long term makes sense.
i have decided no more long distance. period. it takes a huge risk and makes it monumental. i am so sorry for what happened. sounds like you made efforts to do all the right things.
ReplyDeletewomen like your wife really make it difficult for the rest of us.
you are probably a wonderful man with great qualities, but you might never date or marry again and if you do decide to venture out, it will probably be a very difficult process.
i have always "got" why men are wary, but you really put a fine point on it with an extreme example.
thanks for reading my mm post and taking the time to come here to comment.
sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger-feel free to comment here and i will for sure reply.
there have been times in my life where the insight of someone i didnt even know really helped me. its good when someone can be truly objective.
Thanks for the thoughts and offer to keep commenting here.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind carrying on this conversation, but not in 'public' at least not quite yet. My email address is yeongyaksok at gmail dot com.
--The same 'anonymous' as above. :)