i have been wearing the same 14k gold hoop earrings for over a month now. this might not seem out of the ordinary to most people, but i generally dont wear jewelry. its not that i dont like it, but where other women consider picking out jewelry just like they would shoes(its a basic part of the outfit), i just dont take the time to do that. i have a few sentimental pieces, like the gold hoop earrings that mr southern gentleman gave me and the rest is just junk.
whenever i take the time to pick out jewelry, i always get a few extra compliments on how good i look that day. a little bling goes a long way.
except when it comes to engagement and wedding rings. except for me. i dont care. well, i do care, but not in the way you might think. if i were to fall in love again and the object of my affection asked me to marry him, i would want him to want to give me a really nice ring, BUT it wouldnt take 2 carats or more to please me.
i realize that its total satire, but the girl over at seriously so blessed has gone on about her ring, and i think its typical of what a lot of women expect. while i dont care for the whole idea that the size of the ring is somehow indicative of how much your intended loves you, i like the idea of someone loving me so much that they want to spoil me and show the world with this outward showing. the ring.
i have one friend in particular who would pass out if she heard me say this, but i wouldnt care if it was a cubic zirconia in a nice setting. is it crazy not to care, but i want him to care? probably.
Sold my 1967 mustang (we went on our first date in that car) to get my fiance a ring, we figured we just needed one car between us anyway and she had a nice escort. The guy I sold it to, totaled it a few weeks later. I think she appreciated the gesture. Always a little lerry of the girls who want big rings and seem to be impressed by them. No one I know who got a big ring paid for it themselves or is still married.
ReplyDeleteanon-that was a wonderful gesture! my ex wanted to get me a big ring, he picked out a lovely set, but since he had been out of the country from before his 18th bd until after his 21st, he had no credit history and could not get financed-even with a good down payment. i liked the ring, but it wasnt necessary. we ended up paying cash for a very modest ring that i liked very much and got simple gold bands for wedding rings. i kind of felt judged by a few of my friends that i didnt want more. many girls do take it as a sign of how much the guy loves/wants you by how much he is willing to spend on a big rock. it doesnt make sense to get a ring that you will be paying on for years or that you will be fighting over in divorce court.
ReplyDeleteI lOVE my ring! Chas knew me well enough to know that I would want to choose it. He proposed ringless and we went ring shopping together. He payed for it with cash he had been saving for that purpose.
ReplyDeleteNot planning to go into debt for an engagement ring when the time comes, and will think twice if the intended insists on a mineral (blood) diamond. Synthetic diamond is a much better option for those who like diamonds, but this is a very recent "tradition" based more in marketing by deBeers than anything your great-grandparents knew.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I think jewelry is nice, but generally prefer smaller ear-rings to larger (although I really liked the big button-type in the 80s, especially with long hair).
jenni-i like that he had saved money and was prepared. one of the rm's i dated told me about how he had saved for a honeymoon so he could take me ANYWHERE i wanted to go. i liked that too. i am sure he had saved for a ring too, but we never got that far. sigh. hind sight is definitely 20/20.
ReplyDeletei would prefer to be surprised with the ring, but i get the whole thrill of shopping for it.
blain-diamonds never really fascinated me that much, but there is certainly a cultural push for them. when mr ex man and i were making plans, i looked into the synthetic diamonds, i think the ones my debeers, as a matter of fact. dont they have a name that starts with a "m"? anyway, i was surprised by how expensive they were. not much less expensive than actual diamonds. i never knew about the whole issue with the diamond industry until that movie came out. didnt see it, but saw interviews that gave background on it. another good reason to stay away from diamonds. quite honestly, i would feel horrible if i had a huge and expensive ring and i lost it or damaged it somehow,but i guess thats what insurance is for.
The idea of a diamond as the one true mark of an engagement ring is also an invention of de Beers. I don't buy it; I think it's a false tradition and an unnecessary expends. When my fiancé found out my opinion on that subject, he wasn't inclined to disagree.
ReplyDeleteOnce we decided to get married, he and I went ring shopping together, found out what we liked, and custom-ordered my engagement ring: a beautiful green topaz in an engraved white-gold setting. The same ring but with a diamond in it would have cost twice to three times as much.
my engagement ring was a blue topaz with a teeny tiny diamond. i loved it. it looked really pretty on my hand, but i have to admit, my barely 20 year old heart was hurt when others made comments on it not being a diamond solitaire-which was the style back then.
ReplyDeletei really like the idea of creating your own ring. i also like vintage rings as well.
i guess it feels kind of low class(to me) to say "i dont care, just pick me up a cz!" but thats all the marketing, i am sure. i also dont want him(the invisible 'him')to think that i dont care about other important stuff because i dont care about the ring as much. so many emotional layers to this. sigh
It is absolutely a struggle for a guy too. According to the media, the new trend is to spend 3 months salary on an engagement ring. It used to be 2 but I guess that wasn't helping their bottom line. A $30,000+ ring seems so excessive to me. But on the other hand, it is a matter of pride. Like it or not, we do things cause society expects us to. The value of a diamond is completely synthetic. Is a CZ less sparkly than a real diamond? Are diamonds even rare? Not at all, according to wikipedia.
ReplyDeleteSo on the one hand, as a guy I look cheap if I want to do something other than a diamond for an engagement ring but I look stupid if I buy into a clever marketing campaign that turns a mostly useless piece of rock into a necessity. I personally am not at all opposed to spending over $10,000 on an engagement ring but I would much rather spend it on something with some value than just a diamond.
It is a matter of pride, and I think that's the problem -- pride in all the wrong ways. It's hard to find people who really don't care about the opinions of others, especially about things that don't much matter. But sorting through those questions is something everybody has to do on their own, and some people will value the "everybody says" over the things that bother me about mineral diamonds. That doesn't make me better, but it's something to think about.
ReplyDeleteits a more "advanced" level of the whole hunter/gatherer thing. men dont have to go club the wooley mammoth to provide for their family, so they give rings and houses and cars and whatever else they "need".
ReplyDeleteThat may work at some strata. It may also leave people living alone because they (or those who would otherwise marry them) are unable to pay significant money for an overpriced (if very pretty) hunk of carbon crystal. Of all of the things that are required for a successful marriage throughout history, a hunk of carbon crystal on your finger doesn't show up on the list -- if anything, it's contraindicated.
ReplyDeleteDivorce rates have skyrocketed since diamond rings became popular. By the logical principle of "post hoc, ergo propter hoc," a case can be made that diamond engagement rings significantly increase the likelihood of divorce.
Hmmm... interesting idea, Blain. So, does a bigger diamond increase your chances of divorce? or does having a diamond at all doom your marriage? LOL!
ReplyDeleteWhat a hilarious use of "Freakonomics" statistics Blain. I read up on diamond rings and apparently one of the reasons that a man gives a woman a large gift at the time of engagement was as payment for sex. At the time, a woman's marriageability was dependent on her virginity. However, once a couple was engaged, the girl would "give in" and have sex with the man. Then, if he walked, the woman was left with nothing because she no longer had her virginity to help her get married. So, in economic terms, the men compensated the woman for her loss of virginity to signify that he was willing to stay in the relationship through marriage by giving her an expensive ring.
ReplyDeleteNot sure how much of that is true but it sure makes engagement rings less wholesome. Basically a guy is giving the ring as an indication of how much his fiance's virginity is worth. For one of my friends, it was worth $500. For another, it was worth over $15,000.
Overall, the diamond company is just lying to us. A diamond isn't forever. The money would absolutely be better spend on a new TV, a new bedroom set, new dishes, a down payment on a house, paying down debt that one of the parties brings to the relationship or used for the honeymoon. I did a search to find decent engagement rings without diamonds and found almost nothing. Although I am not even close to getting engaged, I kinda think I would rather spend the same amount of money on a ring without a diamond.
this has gotten so interesting. i never knew the "ring for sex" thing, but it makes sense.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, I was hanging out at the Institute, and overheard a conversation between one of the kids there and one of the missionaries, where the kid was talking about getting into investing in diamonds, and he said "Well, you know diamonds aren't going to lose value," and I interrupted to correct him. There was a guy in the next ward up (two blocks away) who was a dentist and prominent Mormon guy who invested heavily in diamonds in the early 80s, and got quite a few of his friends to go in with him, and then the diamond crash of 83 came and he killed himself. I (along with about a third of my male peers) had a huge crush on his daughter. I told him that diamonds have essentially no resale value, and that the only people making significant money on the are de Beers.
ReplyDeleteHe was about as happy as was the girl who was talking about her engagement to a guy she'd known a month or so.
Hmm... This makes me laugh. Seriously I think women are more competitive with each other than men are...
ReplyDeleteI'm a more utilitarian human, so the concept of buying a high price engagement ring has always seemed silly. There is so much a newlywed couple could do with an extra $1500-$3000. Personally I'd rather go back to the old ways, I mean, what ever happened to the dowry? When did we men stop getting livestock, land, or money to take these men's daughters off their hands and start shelling out all this money to convince a lady she wants us?
But seriously, I don't what I'll do if/when I ever go ring shopping. I mean, the guy from the Shane Co.(a big ring retailer here in Utah) told me I should get a ring that's worth about a month's income, so I'll probably just do that. Or maybe I should just go with the tattoo wedding ring... I wonder how those effect the divorce rate. I can see the rationalization to my fiancee now: "You want to marry me for time and all eternity? Prove it, dye it into your flesh! Then we'll talk."
So you would pay for the tattoo for her? I think tattoo rings are so ugly. Maybe instead of getting an engagement tattoo on her ring finger, she could get an engagement tramp stamp tattoo. Or one of those tattoos that just sort of dance around their hip. Something real classy. In all honesty, if I meet a girl and she wants a diamond ring, I will just buy her a diamond ring. But what a waste. It doesn't do anything. I would rather buy her 10 pairs of really really nice dress shoes.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Blain. Diamonds have no real value. Nobody buys a used diamond engagement ring. But that would be a great way to save a buck. I know they have "investment grade" diamonds but I seriously think de Beers made that up when they started marketing "a diamond is forever."
the dowry. arghhhhhhh. i guess i have seen too many jane austin movies. perfectly lovely girls that cannot get married because they have no fortune. i guess the modern day version of a dowry would be the big weddings/receptions and expensive honeymoons that some parents send their daughters on with their new husbands.
ReplyDeletejohnny lingo gave 8 cows for mahana-i wonder what they would equal in diamonds.
the ring tattoo is so stupid. any tattoo on your hands or feet will fade and almost disappear in a few years.
blain-i agree with most of what you are saying. are you going the synthetic route when you get engaged? i feel like i should care more, but i dont. i guess i would like someone who loves me to give me what i want-but...
WoSM -- I think we're thinking along the same lines. That's a lot of tangible and practical resources to go into something symbolic, especially when I don't like the way in which it became so, and the way in which the diamonds are procured. Not sure about the tats, though.
ReplyDeleteTripp -- I think a nice temple-centered tramp stamp could work, with Moroni coming right up to the garment line.
Noyb -- I don't have any idea. Until I've got a candidate in mind, it doesn't make sense to make any decisions. My predisposition is, if we're going diamond, I want a synthetic, but, after having this conversation, I'll likely go with what she wants if I can.