Tuesday, July 6, 2010

good conversation

women, in general, complain about how men cant/dont/wont talk, right? i have never really had that problem, but i figured out why.
when rehashing broken relationships and listing the good things about said broken relationship, "good conversation" was always, without exception, on the list.
but,but BUT how can we have such good communication and the break ups be so ugly? BECAUSE I AM THE GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST. its all me.
i thought it was a marker of a good relationship with healthy communication patterns, but it is really just party skills put to use for an extended period of time.
no longer can "good conversation" be any sort of test, because its not rare. it doesnt mean anything.


  1. Good conversation is a necessary but not sufficient condition. Good communication too. But communication is just about transferring the ideas from one person to another. It doesn't mean you've got anything good to say.

  2. I just like to argue. Originally I liked talking to people that weren't like me just so I could get into those deep debates. Unfortunately the "Opposites Attract" rule doesn't work for me. It creates quite a paradox. Luckily I'm skilled at playing "Devil's Advocate," probably to the point where it's impossible for others to tell where I really stand on any topic.

    I think, however, that at least in this post, you're jumbling making good conversation and having good communication. In my opinion having good communication is being able for both parties to tell each other when they're really bothering the heck out of each other. I heard a GA talk about how it's rare that only one big problem causes a relationship to fail. That it's actually a lot of little things that have been bottled up, not talked about, and when that big disagreement comes up, the flood gates open and it's all just too much to overcome.

    I think it also helps to know what kind of communicator your partner is. I hate talking about issues right away, when things get heated I always told Hannah to just let us drop it for like an hour, that way I had time to simmer down, take the emotion out and look at the issue with a rational mind, and that really solves the problem. It was when past flames just kept going on, "No, no, let's talk about it now" that drove me crazy. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't get angry often, I'd say it would fit into the "Almost Never" category.

    I also think good communication includes being able to compliment AND critique your partner at anytime. As mom always said, "If they don't know you don't like it, how will they know to stop?"

  3. Good conversation requires two people. I am extremely talkative but I have been on a few dates where I found it basically impossible to actually carry a conversation. Some people are just dead weight and they will suck the energy right out of a good conversationalist. Dont give yourself too much credit or too much of the blame.

  4. i briefly considered how conceited how this post may have seemed when i wrote it up in 2 seconds and hit "publish". its not that i am saying i am so great. i am a good conversationalist, but its not all together that unique.
    what i wasnt clear about is that the a-ha moment came when i realized that these good conversations with all these guys wasnt unique or unusual. its a social skill of mine that was honed even further in my previous line of work.
    i guess i am saying i cant count it in the pro list, just like i couldnt count that a man speaks english. its a given. its good, but not amazing like i used to think it was.