a date

it was a nice date with a nice man. there was easy conversation, but no spark, at least not on my part. he didnt seem particularly into me either, but he asked me out again. i said yes. is it wrong to date someone you dont think you have a future with?

drunk dialing

or something like unto it...
i have really been fighting the urge to call mr ex man. i am not exactly sure why, but it comes to me almost daily. i hate it. calling him would be of zero value. why do we do such things to ourselves? i havent done it and i really dont think i will, but i thought i would just put it out there to you guys. who had done the "drunk dialing"? i am sure you realize that i dont drink(being the good mormon girl that i am)so i am not literally getting drunk and then thinking of calling mr ex man.
so.......have you done it? drunk dial, that is. i dont want to know about your sex life. not now anyway.

may all your dreams come true...

i was watching oprah and tom hanks was giving his farewell tribute when he said something about how oprah changed things for women so that all their dreams can come true. i think that is a pretty accurate statement, but it got me to thinking about my dreams.
i know you might gather from all the whining and complaining i do here that i am a big whiny crybaby that complains all the time. i am not. really.
now that i have given that disclaimer, i am going to whine and complain.
despite the fact that i have been a loyal watcher of oprah for almost the entire time she has been on the air, my dreams have not come true.
my dreams were simple. some got my dreams by accident-not the least bit of effort at all, while i worked my ass off and got nothing.
did i pick the wrong dream? was it just not for me? i dont know. i picked other dreams, but those didnt go to well either. i really am not bitter, just confused. as usual, oprah got me to thinking. thinking about dreams.

not 1, but 2

dates. yep. i have been on the bench for a few months now, but quite unexpectedly i have 2 dates with one guy. not sure how i feel about it. i mean, i KNOW i need to get out and move on, but...i really dont want to. i want dick back. he is gone and i have to live my life. do i have to like it?
i havent cried in a while, but i cried today. not for a long time and i did not descend into the ugly cry, but i did cry. i miss dick a lot.
so.....moving on. i met this guy via a facebook friend. there is no pretense that this is "IT". its a date. he thinks i am pretty and we had a nice time talking. he seems "real" and has learned a lot through his divorce.
so i am doing it. i am off the bench, but not completely in the game. counts for something, doesnt it?

hey!

yesterday i had 55 followers and now i have 54. i am going to go searching for my lost follower. even Jesus went after the 1, right?
watch out 55, here i come!

abandonment issues? probably.

jealous

have i mentioned how much i love this band? i love the black crowes. i had a dream where i had a barefoot make out on a big bean bag chair with chris robinson(lead singer)in some hippy dippy book/record store. it was so real i could smell the marijuana smoke. in real life, i have a huge crush on the drummer. i think he is flippin adorable.

none of this has anything to do with anything except i want to talk about jealousy and i knew that my black crowes sang a song by that very title.

i generally do not have to deal much with the green eyed monster, yet i am finding myself jealous over everything, but mainly of those who are in committed relationships. it hits me at odd times like when one of my friends has to rush home to her family. i have always embraced my independence and the fact i dont have to check in with anyone. i now find myself longing for someone to check in with. someone to wonder where i am and why i am not at home.
i hate admitting it.

dirty dancing

dirty dancing is on abc family today. i saw this movie no less that 6 times at the movie theater the year it came out. i also saw the dirty dancing musical tour with eric carmen. all of this happened the year that i married msof and the soundtrack was constantly played on the radio. despite the exposure, msof was not a romantic man so i was surprised when he told me that this song reminded him of me.



while watching the movie today and the scene where johnny is leaving(after being accused of stealing the wallets)came up and the song started playing, it totally threw me back. i hadnt thought of msof "dedicating" that song to me in years.

msof bears a slight resemblance to patrick swayze. just saying. he cant dance like him(unless hes taken some lessons in the years since our divorce). just saying.