do guys do that?

i was thinking about Dick and a random memory appeared, seemingly out of the mists of my mind. it was a happy memory and i liked tossing it around in my head since its one of the few(i assume)that i havent worn out like an old cassette tape.
do guys do that?  will a memory of an ex catch you off guard and it is allowed to linger? men are famous for compartmentalizing, so i wonder if walking down memory lane is common.

am i lonely?

i generally dont think about lonliness much. i dont mind being alone and there arent many times that i can truly say i was lonely.
yesterday my 14 yr old niece asked me if i was lonely. my knee jerk reaction was to say no, but her question made me think about it and eventually admit the truth to myself. i am, in fact, lonely.
somehow it makes me feel less to admit that. is it ok to be lonely or is it a symptom of a deeper issue within myself?
i think about Dick every day and miss him, but i am not traumatized by it.  i just feel like i am patiently(usually) waiting. i am not in any sort of deep anguish, but i feel a little lost and wish he was here to anchor me. i have always anchored myself. why do i feel the desire for him to do it now?
i dont want to think about it anymore.

yikes!

i cant believe its been 2 months since i have posted.  i have been busy, but not with anything fun or exciting.  i have had a few ideas for posts that i thought would be interesting, but when it came down to actually logging in and posting, i lost all interest.  blogging used to be one of my favorite things; i hope that feeling comes back.

general update:
mr nice guy admitted that he was still in love with me and i, in no uncertain terms, told him that friendship was the only thing we could ever have in the future.  he seemed to respect that, but the next time we talked he tried to feed me a load of bs that i just did not have the stomach for. so i blocked him. i didnt have a big conversation with him to explain why and hope to soften the blow, i just blocked him on email, facebook, and cell phone.  if he tries to contact me, he will be unable to.  no explanation.  that is unprecedented for me. i like closure. i like explanations and understanding. i just dont care any more.
while i was at it, i blocked mr ex man.  i havent heard from him in several months(random text that i ignored), but i just decided to do it.
i did the right thing-i have no doubt.
still hoping and praying for Dick(yes, blain, i capitalized it for you)to come back.
i canned a bunch of apricot preserves. first time making preserves and my first time canning.
i guess that is it in a nutshell.

first date

msof took me to see e.t. for our first "date".  i say "date" because i wasnt 16 and his mother drove us to the theater and sat a few rows behind us with his 3 little brothers. the movie was good, but we were both distracted by the sexual tension between us.  he finally worked up the courage to hold my hand about 1/2 way through the movie.  i was thrilled, but we let go as soon as the lights went on and never mentioned it again.  we "went together" that summer, but i started ignoring him when his ex girlfriend from the previous year came home from visiting her mother and step dad out of state.
a few months later i met tgws and dated him for the rest of my high school career.
after msof and i were married, he told me that i broke his heart that summer.  i guess he got even when he broke mine by cheating on me with one of my best friends.
this memory was brought to you by my rambling channel surfing that led me to seeing a few minutes of e.t, the extra terrestrial today.

what was i thinking?!

i was with a friend in the perfume department of a major department store when i saw a big display of dicks cologne. i love dicks cologne. i mean i really, really, really, really LOVE his cologne. i dont know anyone else who wears it(its not calvin klein or drakaar noir)so its been a very long time since i have smelled that amazing scent. i looked around for those little slices of card stock that you can use to spritz the cologne on and take with you as a sample,but there wasnt any. i tried just sticking my nose very close to the nozzle, but that didnt work either. so i sprayed some on my own wrist. not smart. what was i thinking?

getting older....

my birthday was last week and although i would not consider myself one of those women who cry with every birthday and insist upon lying about their age, i really do not like getting older.  it really does suck in a lot of ways. i want to be fun and spontaneous. sparkle with an effervescent personality that just draws everyone in, but thats not me. i think it used to be, but it really isnt anymore. i grieve a little for the person i was, but i am surprisingly comfortable with my little circle of wonderful friends and my new-ish skills of saying "no" when i truly dont want to do something.  lately, there isnt much i want to do. i feel a little boring, but surprisingly ok with it. is this just a normal part of getting older? maybe its just me.

what are the odds?

who has ever reunited(peaches and herb, anyone?) with someone after being broken up for a long time?
when msof(my ex husband for those of you who have forgotten, are new to my blog, or have just stumbled upon this)and i were separated about half way through our doomed marriage, i was desperate to get back together. i actually found a book that gave step by step instructions on how to do this. it worked. we got back together for another 5+years before i finally divorced him.  i am not talking about putting a band aid on a gaping chest wound and simply delaying the death of the relationship like i did with msof. i am referring to the chick flick, running towards one another in pouring down rain, embracing without saying a word, and living happily ever after. reality? ever?