broken heart

man! i am such an idiot. i went against all my better judgement. i KNEW what was going to happen and i saw him anyway. all his promises....LIES. why do men, especially men in the church(we are supposed to be operating under a higher standard, right?)choose to act this way? i have my theories, but even when i repeat them in my head, they seem self serving. i hate being made a fool of and i let him do it. i went with an open mind and heart. weapons buried. did all that i could to make it easy for him. did he do anything to make it easy for me? no. of course not. he blames me for all. i feel like rapping my knuckles against his head just to see if there is anything in there. i have no desire to date at all anymore. i keep picking the wrong guy. the wrong type of guy. i really thought this guy was my prayers being answered. i think i need to get my revelation wires repaired. sigh.