Thursday, November 3, 2011
single mormon girls in their family wards
i have the best ward. i know a lot of people say that, but i really do. when i moved into it a few years ago, i was the classic, fly under the radar, member and I LIKED IT THAT WAY.
then the ward split and someone got the crazy idea to call me into a leadership position. crazy, i know. soon EVERYONE knew me. i was on the radar so to speak.
it was a slow sort of evolution, but it dawned on me a little while back...i am one of those people in the ward that everyone knows. i am fairly well liked and i have to say the whole experience is odd to me. its not bad. just odd.
here i am rambling again(youve missed it havent you?), but i am getting around to the point. really i am.
being single in a family ward can be tricky. you always have to be on your guard to make sure you are not appearing to flirt or pay too much attention to the married men in the ward. in my calling i have to interact with leadership. in our church, that is mainly men(duh)and i have only had one problem with one sister who absolutely refused to give a message regarding a stake assignment to her husband who was out of town. it was the most bizarre thing. i think i am going to have to write a post on that experience itself.
anyway, to continue rambling....a girl has to be careful. seriously avoid the appearance of evil.
a few weeks ago i had two things happen that pleasantly surprised me. the first is that i walked into the chapel and saw an elderly brother that i know fairly well, so i walked right up, shook his hand(like i usually do)and he said "you sure are looking beautiful on this sunday morning." with a big smile on his face. he said it with such sweet sincerity that i didnt feel the tiniest bit uncomfortable. i just thanked him and sat down in my usual pew. its been a while since i have had such a genuine a sweet compliment from someone(a man) who wanted nothing in return. it made me happy.
then during sunday school i was sitting in the same row with the 1st counselors wife(who was my visiting teacher years ago)with an empty seat between us. he came in late, sat down, put his arm around me and gave me a little hug. he has never done that before, but i felt completely comfortable. i also knew that his wife would think nothing of it.
why did these two events make me happy? maybe its just another level of acceptance. i am not sure.
if you are single in a married ward-how do you feel about it?
if you are married-how do you perceive the single adults in your ward?
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I wish I could get to know the singles (never married, divorced, and widowed) in our ward better, but I tend to get really tense and ramble. Even before I was married, my idea of being friendly seemed to everyone else to be flirting, which doesn't help. My wife (thankfully) thinks my nervousness is cute, and knows me well enough now to know that I'm not flirting, its just how I am.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping as we move to a meeting time that is not in the middle of the kids nap time, that we can start inviting people over for dinners again, to get to know them better. I also want to invite over the single sisters, but think it'll likely be in pairs (same gender) to help keep the "wierdness feeling" down. One of my fears is that some interaction will be construed as feeling out for polygamy, rather than just friendship.
See, I ramble. :P
I am a young single adult, 20 years old. I attend my family ward and there are a couple of single adult women in our ward, and men too. They seem to be under the radar a little bit like you mentioned in this post.
ReplyDeleteAbout the "beautiful" comment...not to be conceited but there are 3 girls in my family including me and we get that "beautiful" compliment often as well. Men even act the same way that gentlemen acted towards you, towards my mom and she is obviously married haha. I think it could be considered "innapropriate" for men to compliment me like that but I agree that the compliments and hugs also feel good in a sweet and genuine way from men at church. Especially if you have been in that ward for a while.
arghhhh. i had a big ole long comment responding to you guys and i somehow deleted it. i hate it when i do that.
ReplyDeletefrank-if you do have some singles over for dinner, you will have to report back how it went. :)
chloeazy-as young as you are, they might see you as a peer to one of their children or something. i can remember getting compliments from men in the ward when i was a kid. by kid i mean 16-21. lol.it is sweet and i think our intuition tells us when its sincere and made with good intentions.