Thursday, June 18, 2009

the big get even

this song is CLASSIC. it makes me think of mr ex man. i just wanted it over. we werent making each other happy-lets just part in a nice way. he just wouldnt have it. whenever i brought up breaking up like adults-he would say "but i dont want to break up". then proceeded to be the biggest jerk in the universe. even if we no longer love someone, dont we have an obligation to be decent? even though i think his life is crazy and i dont think he's handling it right, i didnt want to make him feel worse by rubbing his nose in it. he obvioulsy did not feel the same. he continued on with his mean(albeit untruthful)comments. i took the bait. i wish i was stronger, but he knew he could get me that way. i felt like i had to explain, set him straight so i would talk to him or text him or whatever means of communication we were using at that minute. classic rotten kid getting attention. doesnt matter if its negative or not. i woke up yesterday to 7 nasty text messages from him. all telling me how i am not living by the spirit and how horrible i am. it breaks my heart, it does, but what is it that dr phil says? hows that workin for ya? its not working at all. someone also said you cannot solve problems at the same level of thinking on which they were created(pretty sure it was einstien , but i read it in "7 habits of highly successful people") if you havent read it-i highly recommend it. theres also the quote: the true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. man, that is our relationship. anyway, i didnt respond to the texts and i am literally praying all the time for strength not to respond to him in any way. i am really embarassed i have let it go on this long. i am one of those girls that i stood in judgement of. its a big lesson to me. i get now why people hang on. you feel this deep connection and it is so powerful, feels so good, that you cling to it, hoping it will morph back to its original state. the problem is, the original state was the fake.

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