Monday, June 29, 2009

finally over

i have blocked mr ex man. blocked him via email & blocked him on the cell phone. the cell phone is actually a funny story. we had been text fighting for quite a few days and i was just fed up. he just kept telling me over and over again how selfish and unreasonable i was being. we kept going in circles. we had been going in circles for months, but i was willing to hang in there because i thought we would figure it out, but we didnt so i am unwilling to continue going in circles. so i just kept saying we needed to go our seperate ways(do you hear journey in your head? and stop communicating all together. not good enough. he wants to be friends. WHATEVER. i do not believe in breaking up and being friends. not at this stage of the game. if we just had a few dates and we knew it wasnt going to work out-ok, fine. be friends. we were engaged. the breaking up process has been so ugly and so painful. a friend wouldnt do that to me. ANYWAY back to the funny part of the story. it really is kind of evil of me, but i was at my wits end. i tell him that i am going to block him, to take control of this situation and not worry about when his next contact will be. he gets really mad at this, starts talking about my "need for control" and how unreasonable(why does he stay, why does he want me if i am so rotten?)i am being. he all of a sudden has to go and hangs up. he never would have done that at the beginning of our relationship, but he does it just about every time we talk now. that was it for me, so i sent a very official looking text message that stated "verizon wireless messenger service can no longer deliver texts to this number" and sent it to him. its not that hes dumb. hes not, but he doesnt know much about phone service and computers. he totally bought it. he immediately send me an yahoo im, really upset asking me not to do it. i just ignored him. a little while later he calls me, frantic. he cant get any texts from his kids or work associates. he cant send them either. he is mad,but he is trying to get me back on board with him. i know i didnt actually block him, so i am trying to talk him off the cliff without giving my secret away. i worked for the phone company for many years, so i am using all my knowledge and expertise to tell him that there is no way that my block caused it. he is a conspiricy theory kind of guy and he cant be persuaded. so i "take it off". it takes a little while, but he is able to send and receive texts. there is no way i can convince him, so i stop trying. we are talking on the phone and he is trying to convince me to not break up(we have been broken up for a year, where the heck has he been?)blah blah blah. he finally gets so mad at me he says f***k you and hangs up. i immediately send the fake block text again and go to my computer to block him from im and email. there is an im waiting for me "you blocked me boo hoo"-ohmygosh. i couldnt believe it. i blocked him on everything and havent heard a word. it is, in a sense, a relief,but i find myself checking for texts and my heart skipping a beat when the phone rings. i have even found myself wanting to call just to argue and have the connection, but that is just crazy. the most unhealthy kind of crazy. i didnt do it. i wont do it. praying for strength. praying to figure it out so it makes some sense. i think that will be a future post, my deductive reasoning on the whole matter.

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