alone(kind of)at a funeral

i attended a funeral of a tiny baby that lived only a few hours. her family is in my ward and i dont know them well at all, but i traveled the 2 hours with the other members of the rs presidency and our bishopric to support this family. i dont have much experience with funerals. i always feel like i am going to make the worst social faux pas in history. i almost tried to make my regrets and not go,but it seemed important. i am so glad i went. it was the sweetest funeral. the family is holding up well, their testimonies in tact. no matter how strong your testimony, death can certainly shake you. especially when it is a baby that is lost and this family had lost 2 babies in less than a year. the funeral was outside, at sunset in a beautiful rural area. both of the parents spoke, the father going first. you could feel his heart breaking, his wife leaning on him, her arm through his. then the mother spoke. as her composure slipped away, her husband gently put his arm around her and drew her close to him. she continued to speak and her words were lovely, but the image of them physically and emotionally leaning on each other is what struck me. i looked around at the people gathered there-lingering on the people i had arrived with. there were 4 couples, all married for 10 or more years all standing at different distances in front of me. the husbands all had their arms around their wives, holding them close, maybe silently counting their blessing for their healthy children and being spared this particular trial. things like this make my heart ache for true love. to stand with me at the trials of life and hold my hand. draw me close and protect me. allow that tenderness to seep through and allow themselves to be comforted. these are the times when any facade of the tough single chick who doesnt need or even want a man, simply crumbles at my feet.