Wednesday, July 29, 2009

the big sex fake-out

in one of my intellectual conversations on human sexuality with mr joe schmoe i made a point that i was quite proud of. when i presented it to him, i could tell he hadnt really thought about it from my devils advocate point of view. he was basically telling me that sex is so critical in a relationship that any couple would be doing themselves and their relationship a disservice if the didnt engage in premarital sex. there are things you need to know that can only be discovered by indulging in hot sweaty sex and if you dont like what you get.....well SEE YA! i could go on about that, but i will save it for another post. what i asked him was this: if you KNEW that you would be completely satisfied in the sexual relationship with your girlfriend(soon to be fiance, then wife), quanity and quality would all be met, would you be willing to wait until marriage to have it? he replied that he would, but continued to say there is no way to KNOW without actually doing IT. this is when i asked him about the big sex fake-out. he didnt have a clue to what i was talking about. i asked him how he would feel if the hot, practically a nympho, girlfriend turned into a frigid prude after rings were exchanged. i went on to explain how some women will do the hot, crazy, frequent sex to catch you,but after you are caught, she turns into someone who doesnt care that much for or about sex. which is worse? to me, the fake out is a lie and is much worse. classic bait and switch. i remember watching an early dr phil and the topic was about wives who didnt want to have sex. i remember one couple where the wife was just saying she was busy, she was tired and she just didnt want to deal. birthday and anniversary sex was all she willing to give. the husband was confused. angry. he went on to talk about their wild and crazy courtship where anything went and it happened a lot. you could tell he was embarrassed,but he had to talk about the fact that when they were dating she LOVED to give bj's and now that they were married, she simply refused. she blurted out:"i always hated bj's! i just did it to get you!" FAKEOUT. i know she spoke without thinking. you could tell she was embarassed , but it was the reality. it pisses me off. one man i met on told me his sad story about coming home from his mission, meeting his wife, moving in together, having sex constantly for a year, got married, and then the sex all but stopped. 3 kids and a bitter divorce later(he got addicted to porn since his wife shut him out)he is struggling to get back into good standing with the church and find a new wife. i only heard his side of the story, but i heard several similar ones from different men. sex is not the answer. especially when you are asking the wrong questions.

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