Monday, December 27, 2010

heal thyself

dick and i will be spending a lot of time together over the next few days. i have been nothing but excited and looking forward to this time with great anticipation.
what the hell happened to me? i am all grumpy-stuff is just bugging me. the kind of stuff that doesnt matter or normally wouldnt bug me.
i withdrew from a conversation with dick earlier today because i felt myself getting pissy and tense. i know enough about myself that i realize in moments like that, i just need to get the heck out.
then i started thinking-trying out figure out what was going on. why would i be pissy and tense when, what appears to be the man of my dreams, will be with me practically 24/7 for the next few days?
i came to the conclusion that the problem is that i have been here before. all the fun stuff in the beginning and then the guy bails for a variety of reasons. cant cut the apron strings, really doesnt want to be sealed in the temple, his children control him, and the ultimate reason: he just wasnt that in to me after all.
its not fair to punish him for my past, but i certainly cant ignore it. i have to learn and move on, but also be aware of potential problems. keep my eyes open so to speak.
does anyone know how to actually do that? can you teach me?


  1. Just relax and breathe and keep saying to yourself "He is not the other guys and I am worthy of a guy like him." When you finally forgive yourself for past mistakes then you will be able to enjoy your friendship, and developing relationship with him. Don't be in a hurry. Remember, eternity is a long time :)

  2. i relaxed, but it didnt work. lol.