i wonder sometimes if everyone thinks in a stream of consciousness style like i do. i worry about how random some of my thoughts seem, but they truly follow a logical pattern. to me, anyway. s-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o while driving in the car today i hear
which makes me think of mr ex man. he sent this song to me after one of our many break ups following one of his many freak outs. it melted my heart. i can be such a sucker, but when you love someone you want to forgive, right? anyway, this led to a whole 10 miles of driving and thinking of all things mr ex man. if you have read this blog more than once, you know i have droned on and on about him, but there is one thing i dont think i ever mentioned. "the nudge". this is something that came up with our first split. while arguing, he yells out "you dont love me, you NUDGE me away!" now i am thinking he is meaning emotionally or something deep like that, but no. he meant that i literally nudged him away. i demanded he explain further and what came to light is probably the biggest example of misinterpretation i have ever dealt with.
picture it: we are laying on my bed making out. its heating up pretty quickly and everything is going exactly right. i am tall, but mr ex man is considerably taller and when it comes to the horizontal make outs(and other things i am sure, but i have no experience with that. msof was my exact same height)this physical detail added a lot for me. i was laying on my back and he was on his side, slightly propping himself with his arm so he could lean over me as we kissed. at first my arms were just lightly around his neck, but i pulled him closer as he used his tongue to gently open my mouth and enter in for the best french kissing i have ever experienced. i pull my arms from around his neck and wrap them around his strong back, pulling him even closer as i turn towards him and wrap my leg around his hips. i start kissing over his face towards his ear. he is turning his head and kissing my neck and down onto my upper chest which is showing the evidence of my quickened heart rate(are you appreciating how i didnt go all harlequin on you and said something like "heaving bosom"?). i take his earlobe between my teeth and tug it gently, then use the tip of my tongue to trace around the outer edge of his ear. one of his hands makes its way down to where my lower back slopes up to my butt and he pulls me roughly towards him making me softly gasp against the cool skin of his neck. i continue to kiss,lick, and suck along his neck and jawline until i get to his chin. i start moving down nudging his chin up so i can kiss underneath it and down his throat. WE INTERRUPT THIS TOTALLY SEXY, AMAZING, AND SATISFYING MAKE OUT TO POINT OUT...dumb mr ex man thought i was nudging him AWAY. i found that so preposterous that i figure he is lying to distract from something else. its been so long that the details are fuzzy, but he was able to convince me that he truly thought i was pushing him away, telling him to stop. the actual pulling him close, heavy breathing, and the kissing southward didnt convince him otherwise. of course this discussion was long distance. weeks after the fact. when he initially told me, i laughed because it seemed so ridiculous considering all that went on. all the facts. he was pretty pissed off at me for laughing at him, but i really thought he was joking. who sabotages like that? mr ex man, thats who.
ps- sometimes i think that buck cherry guy might be in the neighborhood of creepy sexy, but he never actually leaves creepy town. just watching that video gives me the willies.