cougar in the grocery store

when jake from confessions from a mormon bachelor pad called me "cougarlicious", i laughed. blushed then laughed. i had to reconsider the whole thing today. in the grocery store today i found myself flirting with a KID who might have been 25. maybe. he started it. he saw me looking at a silly poster in the chip and snack aisle and made a funny comment. it was truly funny, so i laughed and we stood there flirting like crazy for a few minutes. he was super cute-i usually dont go for the blondies, but he was sweet, had an amazing smile and was nice(or a well disguised serial killer. hard to tell sometimes). i moved on to finish shopping and on my way to the check out one of the bags of chips fell from my cart,so i went to replace them. i happened to pass him again so i sweetly asked him(ok! i might have been batting my eyelashes and shooting sparkles at him)if he would trade me my chips for his. he simply smiled and said "sure". i kept smiling at him as i passed by and went back to the chip aisle to get a new bag. shameless!!! i beat it the heck out of there. i am on a dating hiatus!!

high maintenence

i worked with this guy who was married to the most extremely high maintence girl ever. she ran him like i dont know what. they worked together and had no children so they were literally together 24/7. he was the nicest guy ever. he really loved her and put up with so much,but he hung in there like a trooper. everyday she had to have pepsi. not just any ole pepsi. it had to be pepsi in a bottle(no cans!)purchased from a specific convenience store(they kept it the coldest). he had to transport it in a cooler and go to a specific dunkin donuts to get two 32 oz cups filled with their special crushed ice and place them in the cooler as well. there were specific instructions on how to pour the pepsi into the cups, but i dont remember them all and wont bore you with those details. you get the gist, right? super high maintence. the pepsi stuff is just the tip of the ice berg, but he did it. is it me or is there a pattern that repeats over and over amongst the majority of couples? really nice guy with demanding hag or super sweet girl with emotionally unavailable man. he once told me he liked the challenge of trying to please her. what? wondering if i ever break my dating hiatus if i should change everything up and just be a demanding be-otch and see what happens.

sexy?

is chastity sexy? can you be chaste and still be sexier than hell? i think so. i think there is something to setting boundaries and creatively exploring every inch of space within those limits. like the boys over at the bachelor pad talking about the sexiness of the first french kiss or the small of a girl's back....some may disagree, but i say that is true sexiness. a lingering kiss on the neck while pulling each other close....hot. strong hands stealing under your shirt to gently rub the small of your back(sorry for the plagiarism jake-you threw me down memory lane!)is so sexy. i know when i trust the boy i am kissing, so much more is given because i'm not worried about roaming hands or guarding bra clasps.

friends

i have never subscribed to the "lets be friends" theory of breaking up. its a cop out, usually meaning someone doesnt want to invest in a relationship,but isnt willing to do the dirty work of fully breaking up and moving on, keeping the person on stand by just in case. there are exceptions of course. maybe you just went on a few dates and realized IT just wasnt there, so you stop dating, but remain friendly. stuff like that. i dont get people who get divorced and say "we get along better now than when we were married". if you can manage to be friends, why couldnt you do it to save your marriage? when i invited mr soldier of fortune to leave our home and filed divorce papers, i knew i would never speak to him again. i was done. we didnt have children to keep us connected and he was a big jerk. a liar and a cheat. why would i invest anything in any sort of friendship with him? people still ask me how often i speak with my ex husband and seem surprised when i tell them never. i didnt even speak to him in court. he waited for me and tried to talk to me, but i acted as if he was invisible. mr ex man's latest ploy was to ask me to be his friend. "lets be friends and see if we can build our broken relationship back up". he got so mad when i refused. i saw it as a loop hole to keep contact, but not have to do the work of mending what was broken. i hated that he considered me deficient because i "couldnt" be friends. i could be friends. i chose not to. he wasnt friendly. he wasnt a friend to me in any way, shape, or form. in a nutshell, i think the "lets be friends" things is b.s.

OH MY GOSH!

it was one of my dearest friends birthday today and a group of us went to lunch to celebrate. we dont get together too often so the lunches turn into hours of talking and gallons of refills on our drinks. we all exchanged stories and caught up. one of my friends has a friend(lets call her wendy) through her church(not lds)that is always doing something outrageous and we always ask about her. todays story was INSANE. maybe when you read this you will say "single mormon chick, what is your problem? are you living under a rock of naivety? this stuff happens every day in the real world!" i am still shaking my head and trying to process this. its real. it really happened. this is not some made up story sent into penthouse by some lame guy who only dreams of such shennanigans. so heres the story: wendy has been separated from her husband for years, but both refuse to actually get a divorce. she mainly meets men through her work and has had many affairs. right now she is juggling 3 different men in various stages of "adult" relationships. one of these men is a cop. married. they had been "innocently" flirting for months. i guess she has dropped hints about where she lives and what goes on in her life. when he sees her last week he says he drove by her apartment complex, but didnt remember her apartment number. wendy gives it to him and he tells her he is coming by for breakfast the next day. she lets him know she gets home from dropping her 9 year old off at school by 730. before she takes the kid to school she pops a xanax chased with a vodka(7 am people!)and rushes home to change into some classy outfit she got at the local adult store. he knocks on the door, she opens it, grabs his hand and pulls him into her living room. then she pushes him up against the wall. he stops her and tells her "that wont be happening today". she is standing there thinking maybe she should have seriously made him breakfast. fried some eggs and cooked some bacon. as she is pondering this odd turn of events, he reaches down, hikes up her dress and starts running his hand up her thighs to... well you can imagine where to(have to keep this pg13)and she says "that wont be happening today". and he leaves! there she stands in her trashy outfit, vodka on her breath and buzzing from the xanax and NOTHING HAPPENED. all she is worried about is if she should have made him breakfast.

total bummer

mr boring, but nice was at church today. ALONE! my stomach sank. i was hoping the new girl friend was just late or couldnt make it for some reason. when i finally worked up the courage to ask him how she was, he just shrugged his shoulders. apparently she broke up with him because she thought he was moving too fast. i made sure to keep a two ass distance between us on the pew. watched my body language. didnt touch him one single time during our conversation.mentioned how i am on a total dating hiatus. during sunday school, i caught him really looking at me a couple of times. i completely ignored him hoping that he is just one of those people who stares and isnt thinking of asking me out. he is so nice. just sooooo not for me.

so aggrivated

i have been working on a post about the 2nd and final rm i ever dated. i was just about done with it when i lost so much content that i just threw my hands up in the air and said, "forget it!" it had good stuff about back scratching and ice cream dates. really romantic stuff that i didnt fully appreciate then. mormon matters asked me to post with them again, so thats on my mind too. sorry i dont have anything more exciting to say. feeling like a boring lump of nothing at the moment.

dating the electrician rm

a little background:growing up, the boys in my ward were jerks. i know that sounds harsh, but its true. when people talk about dating guys in their wards, it makes me cringe. it was that bad. i lived in a small town, so not dating the guys(not that they ever asked)in my ward meant i didnt date lds boys. it really didnt bother me; my first boyfriend was tall and super cool(until he got involved in the drugs introduced by the guys in my ward)and i never felt lacking because some future missionary wasnt courting me, hoping i would "wait" for him.i also rejected that special form of peer pressure that seemed to be introduced about that time: "i will only marry a rm". man i hated that. during one of the many breakups with tall guy with sunglasses, i went to an institute dance with my bff and met electrician rm. he was different than any other boy i had met. he wasnt someone that i would normally be attracted to, but he was cute and when he asked me to dance, i said yes. we danced all night long and i had the best time. my bff danced with his buddy and they took us out for frozen yogurt after. when he asked me out again-i immediately said yes. erm would call on wed for a date on saturday. he always had something nice planned. part of the reason he seemed so different was the fact he was 26 years old to my mere 17 years. he was a man. not a boy. no wonder he seemed "different". he had been a little bit of a wild child, but got his act together and served his mission late. whenever he would bring me home, he would turn down my street and drive really slooooooowly. drawing out our time together. he always walked me to the door and we would hug. i think the age difference intimidated me because i was too scared to kiss him. i would run in the house before he had a chance. bff would call me every time we went out-"did you let him kiss you?" she did nothing to hide the disappointment when i would tell her no. i dated erm off and on for a year or two. he was pretty honest about difficulties with his ex girlfriend. we ran into her at a dance one time. i had never met her, but i could tell by the look on her face she was not pleased to see him come in with me. i could tell he felt bad, he didnt expect her there and he was quite relieved when i told him to go say hi and ask her to dance. it wasnt unusual for us to go weeks without talking or seeing each other, but i was a little surprised when i heard him and that girl got married. his friend stopped by to tell me. i guess erm asked him to. a gentleman to the end. a good experience all around.

exit damage

why inflict more pain on the way out of a relationship? over a year ago i told mr ex man that our needs and wants were not on the same page. we thought they were, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that we were not going in the same direction. i wanted him to be happy and what i wanted to be happy was in direct conflict. i told him i wanted to break up nice. go our separate ways(insert journey song). he begged me not to. he loved me and we could work it all out. i loved this man and i wanted to believe him, so i went for it. it has been a horrible downward slide into hell ever since. i have to take my part. every time i broke up with him(for excellent reasons), i allowed him back. at first it was the begging. the crying. the repentant attitude pleading for another chance. i went for it every time. i really thought this guy was THE ONE. i had fasted. i had prayed. i really did all the right things. i figured the adversary was doing his little schtick and we just had to get through it. it just got worse. i imagine, like most men, he was able to compartmentalize and just go on with his life, while i was limping along emotionally. i was a mess. i think its fairly common for women to blame themselves; wondering what we did wrong to bring all the drama on. were we not pretty enough? too fat? too skinny? not sexy enough? prudish? sleazy? why do we do that? if anyone i knew was going through this and i was presented with these specific circumstances, i know what i would tell them:move on and be grateful that you didnt marry him. can i take my own advice? i think i can now, but its been a very long, very treacherous road. i had a meltdown of sorts yesterday. it was somewhat private. only one friend, via im, was subject to what was going on. i hate that i let myself get this far. i hate that i did not withdraw with grace as i originally set out to do over a year ago. there were times that i played into his passive aggressive game. when he wouldnt agree to break up like a decent human being, i threw some really negative stuff out there. nothing like the profanity and personal insults he threw at me, but i am still guilty of unattractive behavior. its like kiddie games with adult ammunition. scary stuff. mr ex man really threw the f-bombs and other weapons at me over the last week. despite my attempts to really(really)see it his way and try to go his way, it just wasnt working. any disagreement on my part was met with such rage. why doesnt he want me to be happy? if he thinks his desires are so righteous, why does he try to force me? why not go and pray for me, pray for my understanding, and ask Heavenly Father to inspire me? mr ex man preached against being unrighteously compelled to do anything, yet he suggested so many unrighteous things. i am rambling. its cathartic and i thank anyone who held out to the end of this post. i might end up deleting it, but its going out there for now. i wish i had done so many things differently, but i tried out of true affection and love. that cant be all bad, can it?
SOUNDTRACK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCVfGCqLMRM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRuai7Jgdro
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcDfM4bKfiQ&NR=1

sex and starbucks

is there any connection? probably only in my weird, stream of consciousness mind. when reading some of the comments from my post on mormon matters it got me thinking about obedience. its human(mormon)nature to, on some level, pick and choose what gospel principals we will follow. i wont have sex before marriage, but i will drink a pepsi. there are others who wouldnt dream of partaking of any caffeinated beverage yet will break the law of chastity because they believe it represses a natural and healthy aspect of human nature. i know i am over simplifying, but you get my meaning. so many of us members are into the facade. make it look like its perfect even when its not. there is evidence that some caffeine and even red wine are good for the body-has the church rewritten the word of wisdom? nope. modern thinking tells us that sex is normal and healthy and that repressing these urges in any way is detrimental. is the church going to do away with its doctrine regarding morality? mmmmm.....no.
i was actually in a starbucks with a friend yesterday. i find the smell of coffee absolutely intoxicating. the whole store is a temptation and its cool to go to starbucks. come on, you would have to be cool to pay 22.50 for some exotic concoction and look super-hip walking around with the cup. wonderful baked goods. an extensive menu. my friend assured me that there were non coffee drinks i could get, so i perused the menu. i saw decaffeinated, but couldnt find the coffee free menu. she finally pointed out the two coffee free items. two. sigh. neither really appealed to me, but my friend was adamant that she was buying me a starbucks! i caved to the peer pressure. i kind of wanted to order a grande caramel latte half and half with a double shot(its another language, i swear)just to feel part of it all. i think the barrista shot me a snotty look when she handed me my childish strawberries and cream. judgment for my righteous decisions is around every corner. sigh.

cool link

via mormon bachelor pad i found we dont mean to brag and she had this cool link a glossary of lds terms. i love finding out new stuff like that.

sorry for the disjointed posts. sending texts from my phone and didnt realize it would chop them up like that. thanks for the comments anyway. :)

What motivates us to hang on to bad relationships? If someone lets you know you are undesirable to them,why won't they let go and move on to someone they think

is worthy?

tely embarrassed to acknowledge that I have fallen into something I have warned others of. Just had to vent a little.

The true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again & expecting a different result.
I AM INSANE.
I just can't talk about it. I am comple

high demand, low effort?

i posted on mormon matters again and the comments really got me thinking about something. its not even a fully formed thought, but i want to put it out there, knowing i will probably edit later.
its a well known fact that there are many more single, lds women than men. i wonder if that is part of the reason that decent lds guys are in such short supply. they know they are in demand and know that with very little effort they can get dates and maybe even more. ncmo and beyond. little is required so little is given.

the single mormon girl and the priesthood

this can be a tricky one. when i was married, mr soldier of fortune was a non member, so the priesthood was somewhat of a non issue. we lived close enough to my parents that on the rare occasions i was sick or otherwise needed a blessing i could go to my dad. i was young, invincible and though the absence of priesthood creeped into my consciousness every once in a while, i didnt think about it much. then came my nightmare of a divorce(serious jerry springer material, i will have to write a post about it all eventually)and i was in so much emotional pain, i could hardly move. my family, seeing what i had been through, were sympathetic with me(they love me), but they were relieved to see my marriage over. i didnt feel like i could go to my dad for a blessing of comfort when i knew that deep inside himself he was jumping for joy that mr soldier of fortune was out of my life. i had been inactive for the majority of my marriage, but the last year or so i had started going back. no one really knew me. i usually just stayed for sacrament, but a few had introduced themselves and i had home and visiting teachers. all that have been through an ugly divorce know that the pain can come in waves. some you can stand against as the water rushes over you, others are like a tsunami that sucks you in and spits you out in hostile and unfamiliar terrain. it was a tsunami day when i called my bishop and asked if he could come to my house and give me a blessing. i had caught him at a bad time;he was walking out the door to go somewhere with his wife. i apologized over and over and told him not to worry about it, but he came over anyway(it might have been the my unsuccessful attempts to hide the tears in my voice). i felt so embarrassed, but he gave me a lovely blessing that truly got me through a particularly dark period. for several years after i divorced, i had no desire to date. the legal proceedings drug out(thanks to him)and i was determined not to get involved with anyone until my divorce was final. i had kind of settled into being single and i actually liked it. i worked hard, had fun with my friends, traveled, and pretty much did whatever i wanted to do. i was pretty active in a family ward that didnt treat me as some freak of nature because i wasnt married. life was good. then i read an article in the ensign about how people in the church are choosing not to marry and that it was a troublesome trend in our culture. it pointed out the commandments regarding marriage and encouraged all to not just disregard marriage as a worthy goal in our life. for the first time in 7 years i thought those words were being spoken to me-a revelation of sorts. most of the men i met didnt seem to take their priesthood too seriously. some had arrogantly lived beneath their privilege, unashamed of the covenants they broke, not sure if they even wanted to be in good standing with the church again. there were parts of me that held the priesthood in some disregard, sometimes mild contempt. Heavenly Father had not blessed me with a faithful husband who honored his priesthood, maybe this was just one of the many blessings that would not be mine in this life. in more recent years, my heart has really softened on this subject. the first time i felt truly moved was about 3 years ago when i witnessed a baby blessing. it was a young father, a recent convert to the church, blessing his baby. he had invited quite a few men to stand in the circle and bless this tiny spirit so new to this world. as they gathered and comfortably formed the circle, placing one hand under the baby and the other on the shoulder of the elder next to him. it moved me that these men were joined in such a tender act and when the blessing ended and the baby was shown to the congregation, there were warm embraces and slaps on the shoulder. for the first time i yearned to have an eternal companion i loved to be standing in on of those circles. late last year all the priesthood holders in my ward sang as a choir. i dont remember the song, but to see all of those men standing behind the pulpit singing literally moved me to tears. then today, the youth speaker canceled and the bishop(last minute) asked the three priests in our ward to share their favorite scripture and explain what it meant to them. these young men did fantastic. you could tell they were a little nervous, but they had scriptures ready and spoke in such a way that i was impressed with their conviction. i cried a little seeing these young men, future missionaries, husbands, and fathers grow in their faith before my eyes. i want my own priesthood holder.

serendipity&first kisses

lazy saturday afternoon and i decide to pop in a movie. i am in the mood for a chick flick and since i love john cusack, i picked serendipity. for those who have not seen this movie rent it today! such a sweet and funny movie,but it made me sad. i have really been thinking a lot about mr ex man. its making my heart ache and i dont want that. like in the movie, we kept missing each other and by some creative investigation of his own(nothing like the hollywood version, of course)we found each other. to me, it was amazing. he said it was amazing, but now i am thinking it was just the empty words of a dating site player. playing a game. i hate being a fool and i generally avoid it quite well. i was a big idiot in this one. jake from mormon bachelor pad got me to thinking about first kisses. i havent had a ton of them. like i mentioned, i am a serial monogamist, not the ncmo girl(not that theres anything wrong with that). since mr ex man and i met via www.ldsmingle.com our first "meeting" was at the airport when he came to visit. i was happy and excited(a little nervous, but surprisingly calm)to be seeing him, hoping that i was as attracted to him(and him to me)in person as i was long distance. people can look so different from their pictures. i was worried i wouldnt recognize him right away. i was worried he wouldnt recognize me and be dissappointed when reality hit him. i got to the airport 20 minutes before his flight landed. got a primo parking spot that just happened to be right off the terminal where i needed to meet him. i did a quick hair and makeup check(i looked pretty cute) and went to check the status board-his flight landed 10 min early-he was here! i stood waiting and watching as people came out of the terminal, holding the little sign i had made to catch his attention. i was really worried i would miss him, but the second i saw that man, i knew. i held up the sign and peeked from around it to see his reaction. he smiled(love that) and we walked towards each other and without hesitation, fell into the best hug ever.i never felt so at home, so comfortable. i fit there. we held on for a few minutes and then leaned away to look at each other. then, like we had done it a million times, we kissed. it was perfect. we lingered for a moment, then broke away only to smile at each other again. we walked hand and hand to baggage claim. i felt him looking at me and suddenly i felt shy. i am sure i was blushing and i just couldnt look at him. he swung my hand a little and i turned to face him. we kissed again, this time more passionately-i wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me close to him. we stood there kissing like no one else was there. i already knew i was in love with him, but that sealed the deal. sealed with a kiss.

freakin soundtrack of my life

mr ex man and i really fell in love(or i did, anyway) via music. during our ldr, we would send youtube videos of different songs that meant something to us and our growing relationship. when things started going south, he was kind and apologetic(at first) and sent me this beautiful song by david bowie:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hca-yvFUPk i had never heard it before, but i loved it and it made me cry. i forgave instantly and loved him even more. as things got worse and we really werent talking at all-he was yelling & i was crying a lot. then we broke up and didnt talk for what seemed like an eternity. then he sent me this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VascyLfpNrI . the music is more rockin, but the words are sweet and apologetic. again, i melted. whats the truth? the repentant man who sends the sweet songs that say the things he cant or the raging jerk who accuses falsely and says the meanest and most horrible things? the reason for this rant? i heard the buckcherry song in the car today. it really doesnt get that much airplay and so it is weird to me that i came across it while channel surfing in the car. silly girl. putting way too much meaning on something that a stupid, dumb, and ugly boy used simply as a manipulation tactic.

always something there to remind me

this morning i was slapped in the face with one of the best memories i have of mr ex man. i had to drive down an old road east of where i live. its a rural area and this road was seldom used and when it was, it was mainly the farmers who drove their tractors on it. i am far enough along in the break up process that not every little thing reminds me of him, so i was driving along, oblivious, when i saw it. this little country road that runs next to a pasture where we had parked,watched the amazing sunset, and listened to the new(at the time)black crowes album-warpaint. it wasnt a slap in the face, it was a punch in the stomach. makes me so mad! just last night i was praying for forgetfulness. to just stop thinking about it and leave it all behind. sigh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMAe31FFHbo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGRKkxoh_Q0

cross dressing ?

one time in band camp....just kidding! wow, thats dangerous, i pretty much just revealed that i saw a rated r movie. please dont tell anyone!!! i could be way off, but i think the story that i am about to tell you could be made into its very own rated r movie. and its all true. except the names. protect the innocent(or not so)and all. in previous posts, i have talked about the little kids who would im me on the lds dating sites. i am about to introduce to you a new group of guys---the international gang. i have to hand it to these guys. they hardly speak a word of english, but they are trying to type it and communicate their adoration to women they have never met and probably never will. i actually had one of those nigerian boiler room guys try and hit on me, but one of the most memorable was adolfo, living in utah, but originally from the dominican republic. he wasnt really my type, but he was a gentleman and i appreciated how much he seemed to love the temple(many pictures of him at various temples around utah). he caught me just about every time i logged into the site and i would always chat with him for a few minutes. i knew it wasnt going anywhere, but he was tenacious and i was trying to be polite. he asked about my family and my friends. my favorite foods. told me he loved to cook and would like to cook for me. all really great stuff if there was even the tiniest bit of chemistry. our final conversation started out innocently enough. he had posted some new pictures of himself at the temple when he attended the sealing of a close friend. it was winter and the snow surrounding the temple looked beautiful and really added some drama to the pictures. he asked me if i liked the cold and when i told him yes, he asked me: "would you give me your coat to wear?" i am thinking he is trying to be a gentleman and got his english mixed up trying to tell me that he would give me his coat to wear if i was cold. when i tried to clarify, he said no, he wanted to know if i would let him wear my coat. now i was confused. he wanted to wear my coat? remember, this conversation is all via the dating sites im service. as i focus again on the conversation and what he is typing to me, i get the biggest surprise ever. he is telling me, in detail, how he likes to wear women's clothes. now, i like to be open minded, but i have to say it slammed shut when it came to this. there is no freakin way that i would ever, ever, EVER participate in such shennanigans, but ,he kept going on. and on. and on. about how he loved the softness of womens clothes, but i shouldnt be worried because he just did it at home, and there was nothing wrong with it and would i mind? would i mind? OH MY GOSH!! i quickly, and in no uncertain terms let him know that i did mind and then promptly blocked him. when i told my gay best friend(gbf) this story, he laughed with me, but then totally sympathized with mr dude looks like a lady! he didnt think i should shun him for one little ole fetish. WHATEVER! i dont care who thinks i am a prude, i do not want any guy that i know, let alone date to wear womens clothes!
ps-disclaimer: i am writing of my own experiences-i do not claim or even believe that all men from other countries operate this way. i'm just sayin.
http://www.consumerfraudreporting.org/nigerian.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qRTu5I2loY

is sex the only test?

i could be wrong. maybe its just the men that i have encountered. i dont know, but is sex the only thing they care about? there is some scientific evidence that supports that theory(check out this awesome book) , but i am here to say, "guys, come on! that sexy girl could be lacking in so many ways that will bump sex down to the bottom of your priority list so fast you wont know what hit you". i know, i know, good sex(heck, even mediocre sex) can be a great cure for many ails, but will it solve everything? no!
someone i know, divorced with 2 kids, met and married a man she met after a few years on the sa circut. she had met some creeps, managed to dodge those bullets and found the man of her dreams. they waited until their wedding night to consummate their relationship, but guess what? dream man couldnt get it up. thats right, erectile dysfunction. he knew, but never told her, all the while pretending to be the righteous peter priesthood who was on the law of chastity train right along side of her. freaking fakeout! i am not suggesting that men with ed should not get married or arent worthy of love. of course they are and there is help and treatments available, but if he had told her they could have faced that challenge together and had a much more fulfilling wedding night. the whole thing caused a lot of avoidable drama in the first few years of their marriage.
i came to my wedding night pretty innocent. i was lucky to have parents who answered questions, i knew the basics, but i was scared. it was all so unknown, i hadnt even petted, heavy or otherwise. the jerk i divorced is not the same man i married. he was sweet and patient. it took me about 3 months to shift gears and really enjoy that aspect of my marriage. so much of sex is instinctual, but so much more can be taught. whether by an experienced spouse or just learning together by trial and error. trying it before you buy it does not insure an awesome sex life, but following the commandments equips you with the skills necessary to face the challenges in your marriage. trust me, sometimes sex will be the furthest thing from your mind. hard to believe, but its true. i swear.

ncmos for the over 40 crowd

i never heard of the term "ncmo" until my best friend went to byu and gave me the 411. even then, i didnt think much of the idea. i was kind of a serial monogamist; i liked to make out with my boyfriend at the time. even now, i am not totally keen on the idea. it just seems weird to me. does this threaten my good standing as a single member of the church? i am not sure where it originated, but i know its been around for at least 25 years and is so prevalent that even the urban dictionary lists it on their site. some guys at byu even made a little movie about it. most of the comments on that blog kind of echo my sentiments. both girls and guys seemed to regret doing it. i considered a ncmo with mr joe schmoe, but he irritated me to the point that the thought of kissing him made me queasy. i guess it can be harmless enough, but if not managed properly, can certainly get out of control fast. if you are too busy with ncmos you could be distracted from creating an actual relationship with someone who really wants to kiss you-possibly for eternity.