Thursday, May 20, 2010

what i want, what i really really want

i have been thinking a lot about what i want and why i am not getting it. maybe i am too hard to please. maybe i expect too much. maybe its true that i have a better chance of being killed in a terrorist attack than finding true love and getting married again. i dont know. i just know that i would like to find someone and i would like him to resemble something like this:

* = negotiable
smc's list of demands*
1)member of the church.
a trusted friend has mentioned to me that i should find a "convertible" non member and get him to join. his opinion is they are more faithful and dont come with a lot of the lds baggage i have been finding in my dating adventures since being divorced.
2)hold the Melchizedek priesthood.
i am almost to the point where high priests are going to be the bulk of my dating pool, but not quite yet.
3)no kids* in the lds world, this is not only just a fantasy, its a ridiculous dream. to find a man in my age bracket who does not have kids and is not gay would be a modern day miracle. i mention this because mr ex man had kids. it caused huge problems. they were avoidable(the problems,not the kids), but he was so wrapped up in the drama that he couldnt see the forest for the trees.
4)tall* at least 6'3" or taller. i have always maintained if the love of my life was a midget, it would not be a deal breaker, but i love tall. i am tall and its a romantic ideal of mine to be able to look UP into the face of my prince charming. i am giggling to myself-this reminds me of an essay i wrote my freshman year called "my most salient feature". i picked tall. of course.
5)kind. i dont mean wimpy or overly in touch with his feminine side. just kind. cares about people in general, but particularly me. msof wasnt kind. mr ex man was. well,until he wasnt any more.
6)funny. its hard to make me laugh. i have a dry, sarcastic(no! REALLY,smc?)sense of humor and even when i think something is funny, i dont laugh out loud too often. i love to laugh out loud. it makes me happy, so the man who makes me laugh makes me happy. prince charming doesnt need to be a stand up comedian or engage in physical comedy(hate physical comedy)to get points here. its just one of those things. you have it or you dont. it clicks or it doesnt, but when it does...its amazing.
7)smart. i am not talking m.i.t professor type brilliance here. i am pretty smart, but i lack in all things technical and mathematical. msof was really good at all that stuff, but he liked to try and make me feel dumb when i couldnt grasp technical concepts he thought were quite basic. mr ex man on the other hand was amazing in this area. he appreciated my intelligence, respected the differences between us, and was a thoughtful and willing teacher when i needed it. loved him for that.
8)desire to "provide and protect". i think i heard dr phil say that exact phrase, but its echoed in the proclamation. i have written and rewritten this section and i have decided that i will write an entire post on it at a later date. just know i am not looking for a sugar daddy or a body guard.
9)open to having children*
the likelihood of me ever getting pregnant is slim, but i would like the man i marry to love me enough to be open to it. i am not interested in being on any sort of birth control and i would like him to be happy and supportive if a miracle did occur. i also need him to be ok with the fact i might never get pregnant.
10)sex, sex, and more sex!
its been a while and i definitely want someone who will be up for a lot of intimacy. healthy intimacy. no porn-even casual "usage" would be a deal breaker. soft focus love making and all kids of wild and crazy stuff. with in limits. wild and crazy has really gotten out of control and there are plenty of things i would not consider; like swinging or group sex.
i am sure there are more thing i could list and i will probably edit this post as i think of them. ten seems like a good, round number to wrap this up.
these are the things i want. am i crazy? am i asking too much? seems pretty simple and basic to me, but here i am...single.


  1. please tell me the title is a spice girls reference

  2. Smart: I agree here. I have been told by several people that I'm close to that tell me I'm probably the smartest person they know. Even I hate people who are all up in your face about it. My intelligence tends to only manifest as severely random facts and trivia.

    Kind: After realizing this I realized my blog makes me sound like the overly sensitive type. Maybe I am, but what else is the Anonymous blog good for than giving a peek at what's behind the curtain?

  3. midwayedancer: kind of. it was an accident. i was just going to title the post "what i want", but then i hear that song playing in my head. i considered attaching the video, but i am not the biggest spice girl fan and decided against it. do you like them?
    waiting: you dont seem the overly sensitive type to me. you do seem kind. a little stubborn.

  4. Good luck finding him. He sounds perfect!

  5. You may have more luck converting such a man. I would agree with your list except I do want a man with children as I have children of my own. I want someone who already understands what it means to be a Father (and preferable someone without a bitter, bitter, nasty, mean divorce in his past - I like to dream big).
    As much as I would love a super tall man, it's not a deal breaker for me - I would however like to feel like a woman and thus want a man who is stronger/bigger/at least a few inches taller than I am.
    I would also expand to the provide and protect portion and add someone who gets himself up in the morning before noon, actually goes to work and is a good employee (whatever his career may be). Financially responsible.
    Someone who enjoys spending time with his family - family dinners (I'll cook - you help with dishes), someone who does not spend more time with his hobbies than his family.
    Also - honesty. Add that too.
    Also - this list has made me realize I may be single the rest of my life. *sigh*

  6. kelly- was that "good luck" as in "yeah right, GOOD LUCK with THAT one"? or real encouragement? lol ;-)
    scrappy- i cant believe i missed honesty! i will definitely add that one. i definitely know what you mean by thinking you will be single for the rest of your life. sigh :-/

  7. I enjoyed reading this list. I meet numbers 1-3. I am only 6'2 though so 4 is out. 5 and 6 are totally subjective. I think I am funny and kind but I am sure there are some people who don't. Particularly, I think some of my law school professors and classmates did not find me funny (I maintain that listening to "Shook me all night long" by AC/DC at full volume on my laptop right before a final (i.e., in the same room as everyone else taking the final) is a great way to get hyped up for the final) and sometimes being funny means that you cant be kind. Some really good jokes end up offending everyone listening.

    As for number 7, how do you quantify smart? Being a good teacher (as stated in your example) does not make a person smart. Some of the smartest people I have ever met were also the most awkward socially. I can't do long division in my head (not anymore)...

    Number 8 and 9 are fairly easy. Number 10... Ha ha ha. Soft focus lovemaking? I dont even know what that is. Wild and crazy stuff? A girl friend of mine told me once that all of her married friends had horrible sex lives. Their husbands weren't at all willing to try and 'help' the wife and the girls dreaded sex. More important than sex, sex and more sex would probably be someone who is willing to try hard to make it good for you.

    I dont think you are asking too much. I might do a post like this for myself.

  8. tripp-not sure how i quantify smart, but i know when i man finds technical things easy and is willing to explain them to me-i find that smart. there is emotional intelligence too, but i think that falls in with the "kind" requirement. i am not asking for a mensa member. i think i could keep up without appearing completely idiotic, but i hear people that smart can be exhausting and are socially AWKWARD(to use your favorite term)AND often lack common sense.
    "soft focus love making" is all the romantic stuff-flowers and candy. candles and mood music. rose petals on the bed, yadda yadda yadda. the wild and crazy stuff(my version may seem benign to many)is the quickies,sex in the shower or in the car or in every room of the house. its trying different positions and working some toys into the sex play.
    i think things have hit an all time low for the sex lives of young lds couples. i have a ton of theories-i actually taught a lesson on this in relief society(i should write a post on that one. lol) because we were getting so much information about the young marrieds really NOT enjoying intimacy. this annoys me SO MUCH. you are married HAVE SEX, be happy. i could go on and on. i think i already have.
    thanks for saying i am not asking too much-nice to hear it from a man even if you are ONLY 6'2" ;-)


    I'll agree with the lack of satisfaction with sex in young lds marrieds. In seminary one day I over-heard a girl seriously saying that she wanted to have 3 kids, which meant she only planned on having sex 4 times in her life. Ever since then I've been paranoid that I'll one day end up with a woman like that!

    Now I'm also being self-conscious about my prior comment after all of the intelligence comments...

  10. yes...stubborn!
    there is an awesome book out there called "and they were not ashamed". i think a bishop or stake president should hand it out to every engaged couple that comes to him to get married. there are so many issues dealing with avoiding sexual sin to all of a sudden being a sexual person in a marriage. its a big problem.
    dont worry about your intelligent comment-it was fine. seriously. :)

  11. When I first read 1984 in middle school, I was convinced that all girls were anti-sex. The mormon church seems to teach girls that everything to do with sex is bad. That whole "when you give away a kiss, it becomes less valuable" or something like that. I think part of the problem is that people cant suddenly change their perception of the world the moment they get married. We should stop educating our young women that sex is a bad thing. Of course we teach them that sex should wait until after marriage. But we also teach them that sex is a good thing. Waiting on a sister missionary is totally right. I am scared to death of marrying a girl that views sex as a means to an end (to make babies).

  12. tripp-i think your concerns are justified. i never would have dreamed that young, newly married women would have such issues with sex. being in the rs presidency-you hear a lot. sometimes stuff you dont want to know. so many women are not loving sex-think its a bore or a chore or dirty or whatever! i hope this trend makes a turnaround and people start taking responsibility for their own sexual well being and doing what it takes to satisfy and be satisfied. its a hard thing to figure out if you are keeping the law of chastity. sometimes the make out chemistry doesnt translate or the girl is just flat out lying. easier to fake a make out than actual sex. girls will lie and tell their fiance that they will be a wild cat in the bedroom and they are just a limp rag. rambling again. sorry. all i am saying is get healthy, tell the truth, figure out your issues and resolve them.