experience

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”
― Oscar Wilde

thoughts anyone?

if any of you have any personal revelation stories that they would like to share, i would love to hear them.
today has been a better day. my prayers and then scripture study were quite comforting-kind of like Heavenly Father was patting me on the back and telling me to hang in there.
have you ever met or heard someone who manufactures their own personal revelation? i dont mean burning bush type stories, but more along the lines of the guys who tell the girl they are dating that the Lord revealed to him that they are meant to get married. i have seen it a lot. as a kid, there was a divorced woman in our ward who got up to bear her testimony several different times to tell the congregation how she had received the confirmation that her current boyfriend was IT. i dont think she ever said eternal companion because she was sealed to the bastard who cheated on her while she was at home raising his 4 kids.
i dont want to be that girl. part of my prayers have always been for the truth and the power of discernment so that i dont confuse heartburn with a burning in my bosom from the Holy Ghost.
thats part of the issue with my recent experiences. did i make this up or is this a test of my faith?
please weigh in-if you dont want my millions(snort, ha, yeah right)of readers to know your identity, please post as anonymous as opposed to not posting at all. i would so appreciate the feedback.


addendum: part of the reason i feel on such shaky ground with this revelation stuff is that i had a confirmation with msof and mr ex man. i prayed really hard on both of them and with msof, i felt really good about my decision to marry him. got the thumbs up from the bishop and the majority of my family. even those that were more reserved about it, werent totally opposed. with mr ex man i wanted to be really careful and really sure. i was so excited and happy with him i did not want impose my feelings in the process of asking Heavenly Father what i should do. msof was over 20 years ago and the memories have faded, but with mr ex man I KNOW that i prayed "thy will be done" every single time. i even prayed that i would walk away if that was the right thing to do. can you see why i am gun shy with all this?

personal revelation

i think i need a tune up. things have been misfiring for so long i wonder if i would recognize if it was right.i start with the best of intentions, do a lot of praying, throw in the scripture study, step up the temple attendance all in an effort to be spiritually ready for the answers i am seeking. sounds about right, doesnt it?


a few months ago something started nagging at me. i just tried to dismiss it, but it wouldnt go away. i started praying about it, letting Heavenly Father know that i didnt want these thoughts in my head, i wanted them to go away. they didnt go away. so i started asking why in my prayers. why was this happening? i hadnt had these thoughts in months and months. i thought they were gone for good. additional thoughts kept coming to me. they were new thoughts, things i hadnt considered before.

was this my mind opening up? i kept praying and then i attended a fireside where the speaker was talking about scripture study. the thing that stood out to me was something he mentioned about dedicating scripture study for a specific purpose and to pray before, during, and after the study for the Lord to reveal what he wants you to know about the subject because we all know that when we want to talk to Heavenly Father we pray and when we want him to speak to us, we read the scriptures.

i have always been a lazy scripture reader, but this change of perspective really transformed my scripture reading. things were jumping off the page. stuff was making sense. i kept praying about these nagging thoughts. answers really seemed to be coming to me. very specific answers that were exciting. real things started happening that were very specific answers to my prayers. this was getting good.

i felt a peace that i hadnt known before regarding these thoughts. i felt confident that Heavenly Father was going to bring some pretty exciting things to pass.

then some stuff started happening. kind of icky stuff. did this negate my personal revelation? it all got ickier. i started to doubt(never a good thing). then i started to think it was a test. then i thought the adversary was doing a number on me. i prayed harder trying to demonstrate my faith in what Heavenly Father had already revealed to me.

for two weeks it has been so weird. i am still praying. still going to the temple. still reading the scriptures with a singular purpose, but things arent going right. what did i do wrong? am i just crazy? is it one of those tests where you just have to jump through the hoops for the sake of jumping through the hoops just to be obedient and the rewards will be given in the next life? i have had a lot of those. we all do, part of the mortal gig, i suppose, but i have to say i am worn out by it. its happened to me a lot. i would like some obvious miracles where these thoughts are concerned.
i am just pissed off. not very conducive to personal revelation, but i just dont seem to have the knack for it.

in the spirit of superstition, i am cosmically knocking on wood by saying that i am blessed. i have had prayers answered. miracles have occurred in my life. i am not as job, but i would really like these prayers to be answered and not be disappointed or learn a lesson. i know. selfish. immature. waaaaaaaah!

i just dont know

went on a singles temple trip. met someone. very nice. felt a good vibe, but i just dont know. he seemed different than your typical sa activity guy. no schmoozing. it might have been "interested" in me, but i just dont know. turns out he knows our eq president. they went to school together and did some electrical work on his house. ran into eqp's wife a few days later and while we were chatting she said something about their house that made me remember the guy from the temple, so i mentioned him to her. she went ON AND ON about how great he is. then asked "do you want us to set you up with him?" i just dont know.
i have NEVER been on a blind date or a set up. ever.

smc beauty - covergirl simply ageless

“Embrace the beauty of 'you.' Once you've done that, you're ready to start playing with the power of makeup to transform yourself into anything you want to be.”
Scott Barnes

i got a free sample of the covergirl/olay simply ageless line and i love it! i havent used covergirl for years, opting for more expensive and newer brands, but i am using covergirl again and it might just be a permanent change.
the collection includes foundation, corrector(concealer), eye corrector, and blush. i love every one of these products. they glide on and create a flawless finish. the eye corrector doubles as a primer(my own discovery)and makes eye shadow last without creasing the whole day. the corrector has a yellow base which corrects dark circles-i will take that one on faith-i dont have dark circle to correct, but the yellow pigment corrects any of that annoying redness around the corners of my nose and any blemishes that pop up.
i wouldnt have picked out the color of blush that was given to me,but it was a free sample, so i didnt complain. i just tried it and it was amazing. it added such a beautiful tone to my skin and i have received quite a few compliments on how pretty i have been looking lately. NEVER a bad thing.
since all of these items are formulated with olay regenerist serum-they glide on beautifully and dont sink into any fine lines or wrinkles-it "suspends" over them, restoring tone and texture for a more youthful appearance. i am quoting from the brochure they gave me, but i have found their claims to be true.
the price is pretty amazing too-just 10.00-13.99 depending on what you buy. smoking deal considering the price of make up!

i couldnt resist

i love barry and when i wrote "somewhere down the road" in my previous post,it got me remembering this song and i have been singing it ever since. i opted for this live version because the other was cheesy stock photos with the lyrics photo shopped over. i like the studio version of the song better, but you just have to see the real deal.

mr southern gentleman

i dont think about this guy much any more, but when i do, it always brings a big smile to my face.
i met him at work and he promptly moved to north carolina. he was originally from the south and he had this delicious southern drawl. just thinking about it right now makes me smile.
we carried our relationship out entirely over the phone so i fell in love with him hearing his voice and that wonderful accent.
he used all the adorable southern vernacular like "cut out the light" instead of turn off the lights." or "i am going to carry my mother to the store." instead of i am taking my mother to the store or i am driving my mother to the store. southern men love their mothers-its one of the things i loved about him. he was very respectful and considerate of his mom.
when i had a cough he would say "baby, go drink you some water." the man was a college graduate, he had a wonderful way of speaking and generally used correct grammar. it wasnt an error, thats just how it was said.
one of my favorite things he ever said to me was "baby, you are cooler than the other side of the pillow." :D
i had never heard that saying before, but when he said it, i had no doubt what it meant. havent we all spent summer nights flipping our pillows over to sink our tired heads into the cool comfort of the other side of the pillow? sigh.
he was the first man i fell in love with after my divorce. maybe i will write a post about that relationship somewhere down the road(now i have barry manilow singing in my head), but for now, with summer right around the corner and the weather heating up, i just wanted to tell you how some sweet boy thought i was cooler than the other side of the pillow.

what i want, what i really really want

i have been thinking a lot about what i want and why i am not getting it. maybe i am too hard to please. maybe i expect too much. maybe its true that i have a better chance of being killed in a terrorist attack than finding true love and getting married again. i dont know. i just know that i would like to find someone and i would like him to resemble something like this:

* = negotiable
smc's list of demands*
1)member of the church.
a trusted friend has mentioned to me that i should find a "convertible" non member and get him to join. his opinion is they are more faithful and dont come with a lot of the lds baggage i have been finding in my dating adventures since being divorced.
2)hold the Melchizedek priesthood.
i am almost to the point where high priests are going to be the bulk of my dating pool, but not quite yet.
3)no kids* in the lds world, this is not only just a fantasy, its a ridiculous dream. to find a man in my age bracket who does not have kids and is not gay would be a modern day miracle. i mention this because mr ex man had kids. it caused huge problems. they were avoidable(the problems,not the kids), but he was so wrapped up in the drama that he couldnt see the forest for the trees.
4)tall* at least 6'3" or taller. i have always maintained if the love of my life was a midget, it would not be a deal breaker, but i love tall. i am tall and its a romantic ideal of mine to be able to look UP into the face of my prince charming. i am giggling to myself-this reminds me of an essay i wrote my freshman year called "my most salient feature". i picked tall. of course.
5)kind. i dont mean wimpy or overly in touch with his feminine side. just kind. cares about people in general, but particularly me. msof wasnt kind. mr ex man was. well,until he wasnt any more.
6)funny. its hard to make me laugh. i have a dry, sarcastic(no! REALLY,smc?)sense of humor and even when i think something is funny, i dont laugh out loud too often. i love to laugh out loud. it makes me happy, so the man who makes me laugh makes me happy. prince charming doesnt need to be a stand up comedian or engage in physical comedy(hate physical comedy)to get points here. its just one of those things. you have it or you dont. it clicks or it doesnt, but when it does...its amazing.
7)smart. i am not talking m.i.t professor type brilliance here. i am pretty smart, but i lack in all things technical and mathematical. msof was really good at all that stuff, but he liked to try and make me feel dumb when i couldnt grasp technical concepts he thought were quite basic. mr ex man on the other hand was amazing in this area. he appreciated my intelligence, respected the differences between us, and was a thoughtful and willing teacher when i needed it. loved him for that.
8)desire to "provide and protect". i think i heard dr phil say that exact phrase, but its echoed in the proclamation. i have written and rewritten this section and i have decided that i will write an entire post on it at a later date. just know i am not looking for a sugar daddy or a body guard.
9)open to having children*
the likelihood of me ever getting pregnant is slim, but i would like the man i marry to love me enough to be open to it. i am not interested in being on any sort of birth control and i would like him to be happy and supportive if a miracle did occur. i also need him to be ok with the fact i might never get pregnant.
10)sex, sex, and more sex!
its been a while and i definitely want someone who will be up for a lot of intimacy. healthy intimacy. no porn-even casual "usage" would be a deal breaker. soft focus love making and all kids of wild and crazy stuff. with in limits. wild and crazy has really gotten out of control and there are plenty of things i would not consider; like swinging or group sex.
i am sure there are more thing i could list and i will probably edit this post as i think of them. ten seems like a good, round number to wrap this up.
these are the things i want. am i crazy? am i asking too much? seems pretty simple and basic to me, but here i am...single.

so irritating

if i see one more facebook post where some woman is going on about how "hot" her middle aged, paunchy, and balding husband is, i am going to puke.
jealousy would probably be the first conclusion you might jump to. NOT. i know these guys and they are nice enough, but most of them are totally whipped and have little or no influence in their own homes. their wives treat them like children, they fight all the time, and then they go on facebook and talk about how hot their men are.
sick of it. i see the women who love and respect their middle aged, balding husbands and really do think they are the hottest thing ever. they just dont post it on facebook or twitter about it.
i know men in general need lots of praise-they want to know all their hunting and gathering is appreciated and that the sweat of their brow really glistens in a sexy way in the setting sunlight. HOWEVER- do they buy this crap? do they revel in their wives saying they are hot on facebook, but treat them like crap in their daily lives?
i might be way off so tell me if i am calling it all wrong.

birth control

what would a law of chastity abiding girl like myself need birth control for? i use the best kind: abstinence! lol. i know if there are any liberal readers of this blog, they are rolling their eyes and hotly dismissing me as a prudish religious zealot. definitely not the case, but thats not my point of writing this post.
a dear(non member)friend who has none of the religious "sexual hangups" that i do was the lone voice of reason in a group of women who were discussing buying birth control for their teenage children. my friend asked for my opinion and this is what i told her:

i would hope that parents would be educating their kids along the way-instilling the family values from the beginning so when the kid gets to be a horny teenager you will either have enough clout to convince them not to have sex(if thats what your family values dictate)or they will trust you enough to tell you they are going to have sex & need some guidance on how to be safe. i dont think people should throw a box of condoms or a diaphragm at their kids and say "just be safe". i think there needs to be continuing education,but allowing them access to appropriate birth control seems much more favorable than an unwanted pregnancy and very adult responsibilities for kids whose brains havent even fully formed yet. not to mention stds. good grief. dont even get me started on that.

from what my friend told me, i guess its "cool" to be a parent that is open about allowing their kids to have sex and providing the birth control. i personally find this ridiculous.
any thoughts? even "good" mormon kids have sex-what are the parents out there doing? do you think you are successful at promoting religious based abstinence or are you all hiding your heads in the sand and just hope your kids dont get "caught" with a pregnancy or std?

i know i am asking a lot, but more opinions please

ok guys-you have weighed in on the make up issue(if there are any guys out there who LOVE make up on a woman, please let me know)so now i need to hear your thoughts on hair.
i got mine chopped off a few days ago. it was practically down to my waist, but my super fine hair wasnt doing so well at that length. it would do even less than its usual nothing. it was constantly in a clip or a pony tail and even if i put in my best efforts, the results were mediocre at best. so i went to my trusted hair stylist(who hadnt seen me in over a year. dont ask.)and told her what i DIDNT want. no mormon bangs(hate those, so 1989), no inverted wedge(do you have to have one of those to get a temple rec nowadays?), and i still wanted to have some hair.
i have worn it super short before, but i am tall and i have broad shoulders and to me, i look like i have this little pea head when i wear my hair short. it might just be me OR i am totally right and its like when you have broccoli in your teeth and no one wants to tell you. they think they are being polite, but there you are walking around like a dork with too short hair. er,i mean broccoli in your teeth.
anyway. she ended up cutting off about 7 inches off the back and trimming the front up. it looks pretty similar in the front, but she added some detail to the back. it still is about 2-3 inches past my shoulders and it looks a lot healthier and styling it is so much easier and the results are far better.
so tell me guys-how much do you care about womens hair? msof would throw a fit any time i trimmed my hair. he didnt care if it was all split ends and yucky looking. he wanted it LONG. a woman in my ward trimmed 2 inches off of her hair and her husband got mad at her and said "whats up with the dyke do?" when she told me about that, it pissed me off so bad. to me it not only reflects ignorance, but an attempt at control. my dad hated short hair. he said women looked like refugees when they cut their hair. he liked to quote that scripture "a womans hair is her crowning glory". unfortunately my mom did not look great in long hair. they found a compromise, but he always grumbled.
a few men i know(all lds) dont care. they say as long as their wife is happy, they are happy.pretty progressive of them, eh? one of their wives wears her hair shorter than a mans missionary style haircut-it looks cute on her, but i could never go that dramatic.
is longer better? hair that is.

your opinion please

i hope you will listen to the song, but if not here are the lyrics:
Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry, let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too.
When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess could make me love you less
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
So, if you're mad get mad, don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
And hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too
But I'm alot like you.
When you're standing at the crossroads, don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along, cause even if your wrong
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
Take me into your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.
And when, when the night falls on you baby, you're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own, I'll stand by you. I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you.


i am interested in everyones opinion, but particularly the guys. what do you think? do you think the sentiments in this song would make you feel good or emasculated?
from a girls point of view-i love it. its a strong song, saying that life sucks, but i still love you and i am here. please give me your thoughts.

beauty

“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief
she is beautiful.”
— Sophia Loren

smc beauty cover girl shine blast

i love this lip gloss! i got a new color, but my joy is somewhat dampened when i realize that tripp will never kiss me because i wear lip gloss. he hates lip gloss. grosses him out.
my lips dont look goopy or greasy, they actually look very pretty. alluring,even. but tripp would run away, screaming in disgust.
i have read 2 or three blogs lately where the men are talking about how they prefer little or no makeup on girls. i find this very interesting. i love makeup. even women who dont love makeup generally find it necessary. low self esteem-you know.
i was watching an episode of dr drews rehab on vh-1 where he was counseling sex addicts. he ran this experiment where he had all the women remove their make up. now remember, these women were sex addicts. several of them were porn stars, so they had the "look". LOTS of make up, fake lashes, etc. after they had removed their makeup and were gathered together again, dr drew called the guys in for the normal group therapy session. none(these men were sex addicts too. guys who watched tons of porn, been with hookers, etc)of them noticed a difference. they didnt realize the women werent wearing makeup. even when dr drew asked them if they noticed anything different about the women, they really couldnt figure it out. they were complimentary, telling them they looked pretty and everything, but they didnt notice that they werent wearing their masks.
i guess in general, men dont care and they generally dont notice stuff like that. we have all heard women complain how they get a dramatic haircut and their husbands dont notice. i guess they just dont get it.
girls, we arent wearing makeup for our men-we are wearing it for ourselves and for other girls.
man, i sure got off on a tangent, didnt i?

smc cooks with the pioneer woman again! cinnamon toast-who would have thunk it?

i am going to be posting this at 11th heavens homemaking haven for homemaker monday-check it out for tons of cool ideas.

i did not grow up on cinnamon toast. not sure why my mother never made it-maybe i should ask her why she deprived her oldest and arguably her best child of this yummy goodness?
i was an adult the first time i ever made it(the absolute WRONG way according to the pioneer woman. toast, butter, sprinkle the cinnamon sugar mix on after)for myself. i liked it well enough,but would only eat it occasionally, sometimes going years without even thinking about it.
after the pioneer posted her recipe i doubt i will ever go years without thinking about cinnamon toast again. it is DELICIOUS. and simple. you just have to modify the technique a little. the recipe calls for a bunch of bread, but it easy to figure out how to cut it down just to make a couple of slices. i can only eat two, but i never make less than 4, because either one of my taste testers or my 4 year old niece(who can eat 4 herself)will want some. I have used homemade white bread and store bought whole wheat and both were fantastic. also-i have an electric stove and have found that the low broil setting is better than the high for this recipe, but ovens vary, so their might be some trial and error. i didnt use the nutmeg, but i think it would be good and i will try it next time.
Cinnamon Toast
adapted from the pioneer woman

Ingredients

* 16 slices Bread (whole Wheat Is Great!)
* 2 sticks Salted Butter, Softened
* 1 cup Sugar (more To Taste)
* 3 teaspoons Ground Cinnamon
* 2 teaspoons Vanilla Extract (more To Taste)
* ⅛ teaspoons Ground Nutmeg (optional)

Preparation Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Smush softened butter with a fork. Dump in sugar, cinnamon, vanilla and nutmeg, if using. Stir to completely combine.

Spread on slices of bread, completely covering the surface all the way to the edges.

Place toast on a cookie sheet. Place cookies sheet into the oven and bake for 10 minutes. Turn on the broiler and broil until golden brown and bubbling. Watch so it won’t burn!

Remove from oven and cut slices into halves diagonally.

very specific prophecy

oh my gosh! you are not going to believe this.so i get to church in the nick of time. i actually sat in the chapel instead of out in the foyer as i originally planned.
the talks were nice...none of the "be patient, you will be a mother during the millennium" comments. at all. that was nice.
no one in the bishopric stumbled awkwardly over their comments regarding the distribution of the traditional mothers day gifts.
a priest walked up to me with one of the ribbon tied chocolate gifts and said "here sister single mormon chick". i know this kid. i know his family. he was not forced to do that. it was a genuine gesture and it made me happy.
as i am walking out with my chocolate, i stop to say hi to two sisters who were sitting together in the back. one is probably in her 60's, has 5 grown kids of her own, and is pretty cool. after greeting me she says "this must be an awkward day for you." LOL! NO KIDDING! just like the seriously so blessed post. i know her well enough to joke about it and told her that it really wasnt awkward at all and made a few funny and sarcastic jokes.
all in all. good day.

laughing through the rage

so i go and read the most recent post from seriously so blessed. nail. on. the. head.

one of those days

physically feeling better, but...otherwise, there is just a grey(not black)cloud hanging over.
spent yesterday with gbf. he is doing pretty well. waiting for the insurance approval to begin chemotherapy. insurance companies-a necessary evil, but it amazes me that they can drag their feet on life saving treatment. gbf's husband spent the time on the computer reading us different schools of thought on diets that cure cancer. it was depressing. not the diets, just that gbf is so overwhelmed with all the information that he is just drowning in it. but he wants to hear it. it was hard to hang in there, but i did. left their house with a weight on my shoulders. my shoulders?! HE is the one with cancer-right? right. it really effects everyone. i keep it all to myself. i would never burden him with it. trying to create a personal strategy to deal with all i am going through because of what HE is going through. this is going to be a race of distance, not speed. need to pace myself. anyone who has dealt with this and has anything to tell me, please comment.
today is mothers day. not a happy day for me for lots of reasons. its not that i dont have a good mother. i have an excellent one. feeling bad because being sick all week really kept me from following through with the plans i had for her gift. oh sure. she will understand, but she will be disappointed. she likes a fuss. i hate a fuss so this is difficult. like i mentioned, everyone(practically) in my family has been sick. i was hoping they would cancel/postpone the family dinner we had planned for today, but that doesnt look like its going to happen.
someone(an old friend from high school)that i only keep contact with via facebook sent me an email saying "happy mothers day". its entirely possible that he doesnt realize i am not a mother. there are many pictures of me with my nieces and nephews and he could assume they are mine, but it still bugs me. why dont we have an aunts day? celebrate all the aunts who are like mothers(but cooler)to you?
i think i will sit in the foyer today. i hate the fuss over mothers day. for me. not actual mothers. in an attempt to be kind and not exclude anyone-when they hand out the flowers, or the candy or whatever they have going on to recognize the mothers of the ward-they will usually say something like "all the mothers, grandmothers, future mothers..." i know some might appreciate being included in this. not me. its not a bitter or angry thing. i am not a mother and i dont want to be made a fuss over or felt sorry for because i am not!
one of the best things ever was when one of my nephews, unprompted, brought me one of the flowers that were being handed out in sacrament. i think he was 4 or 5 at the time. it was a pure thing coming from the very best place, not something forced or contrived to make me feel included in a club that i am not a member of.
i said i wasnt bitter and i am not, but that sure sounded bitter. cranky today. not bitter.

and so it continues...

i am definitely better, but still pretty bad. grateful for any improvement, but after four days, i am so ready for this to be over. turns out just about everyone has caught this bug-my sister in law who NEVER gets sick has it. four of her eight kids have it as well. talk about being grateful for your trials.
i have always hated that. " be grateful for your trials" (imagine me saying it in a whiney mimic-y type voice). i think i took it too literally-too surface. like be grateful your husband cheated on you with one of your best friends from high school. how can one be grateful for that? but...i can be grateful i never procreated with him(she did and he is a major dead beat dad. kind of surprises me, but it turned out that way.)and for the strength i gained by fighting my way through that trial. reminds me of that talk by ardith g kapp that tells us not to pray for lighter burdens, but for stronger backs. it turned me around a little on the subject of trials.
a lot has happened to me over the last ten years or so. some really icky, bad stuff. stuff i wouldnt wish on anyone, but stuff has been happening to others that make me so grateful that i dont have to deal with what they are going through. grateful for the trials that Heavenly Father has given me. like being sick. i am grateful to be miserable on my own and not responsible for eight kids while i am sick. perspective. its all in the perspective. sometimes. other times it just sucks, but whats a girl to do? endure, right? sigh.
i still feel sorry for myself sometimes. not too often and i wont allow myself to wallow in self pity for very long. kind of pointless. get on with the lessons and pulling yourself out of the mire.
i am rambling. again. sorry.
anyone know of really great cough/cold/flu meds? theraflu and benadryl(thought it might be allergies as well)havent really helped. thanks.

love this, but cynicism is prevailing. probably because i am still sick and being a whiny crybaby

look what i missed

i never cared for depeche mode. they went against my decidedly metal chick standards, but i think even if i heard this song back then, i would have liked it. it really says a lot about what we all want and need from someone. did i mention i get kind of sappy when i am sick?


i need to put the lap top down and take a nap. sigh

losing my mind

can someone please explain how the word verification acts as a security feature? i just dont get it and it drives me nutso. of course being sick maybe be playing into my irritation. i dont know. just a guess. stab in the dark.

p.s.

when i am sick i get motivated in the oddest ways. i decided i had to give myself a pedicure. what the heck? all i should be doing is drinking plenty of fluids and resting, but i gave myself the crappiest pedicure ever. now i am too exhausted to get up to get the nail polish remover and take all the nail polish off. just looking at my feet pisses me off. i am just a jewel, arent i? its a wonder they havent married me off. does anyone want to make me some herbal tea? please?

blah

i'm sick and it really sucks!

fast sunday

i am a lazy faster. i am definitely not one of those spiritual giants that fast for 24 hours. i do the two meal thing-kind of. i have only been fasting regularly(most every month, unless i forget.)for the last 2-3 years. i have been a member all my life, but my parents never taught us to fast. until recently(2-3 years ago), i would fast only if there was something big and important to fast about. you know, ward or stake fasts for someone to be healed or something like that.
since i have started fasting, its never really bothered me. probably because i am a lazy faster. usually i will eat dinner saturday night, then dessert a few hours later and then start my fast when i say my prayers before bed. i always break my fast when i get home from church. with most block times, this usually means i technically missed breakfast and lunch, but it also usually means i am eating a really early dinner. see? lazy.
last night i ate a really early dinner. i wasnt feeling so good, so i went to bed early. with meetings and everything, i wont be home until 4. i am already hungry. really hungry. this fast sunday is going to be a humbling experience.