nothing. whats up with you?

i havent posted and there is nothing too interesting going on, but i will give you a few tid bits.
i let someone from church talk me into a CRAZY costume idea for the ward party. this crazy idea included spending 50 bucks to go have acrylic nails put on and painted a ghetto fabulous gold lame color.they were incredibly long and i had them trimmed down today, but i am still somewhat hindered. texting a typing are a nightmare.
tom and i have decided to talk a little more in the upcoming weeks before he arrives for our first date. the conversations have been good. he seems sincere and genuine. i am looking forward to meeting him in person.
dick is becoming more interested and very complimentary. from what i have been able to gather, he is a good man. nice. funny. he is the walking wounded and he wants me to be his rebound girl, but the thing is, he doesnt think i will be a rebound girl. he thinks i might be THE GIRL. has anyone heard of a situation like that working?
i am thinking of going to a fireside tomorrow. its been kind of a crazy weekend and i am worn out. i think i will play it geriatric and just go to bed early.
is that as pathetic as it sounds?
i love fall. the changing colors, the crisp, cool air. i. love. fall.

number 42?

where are you? i have been gaining and losing my 42nd follower for weeks now. i am not sure who you are, but i am sad you are gone. blogging IS a popularity contest and i feel the loss when you leave. sigh. miss you. please come back.
i have been toying with this idea of writing a post about phone sex...would that bring you back? what if i posted about my favorite conference talk? would that do it? i just want to cover all my bases. i love you number 42...please dont leave me!

what was i thinking?

i used to think he was sooooooo sexy. he reminds me a little of tgws and really spoke to the heavy metal chick in me.






but never him.






















especially NOT him.

happy anniversary to me!

my "anniversary" is coming up pretty soon. i would have been married 22 years. how freaking weird is that?
some years(i have been divorced over 10)the day flies by without notice, but this year, i have definitely noticed.
its an interesting place to be; i look at my marriage almost like it happened to someone else. i can look at it for exactly what it was-the good and the bad. the terrible things he did no longer have the power to hurt me in the slightest. its been that way for a long while and its a pretty good place to be.
since we never had children together, there was no reason to have any further contact and i have completely lost track of him. i have heard a few things here and there over the years and there have been a few "sightings", but nothing concrete. i am ok with that.
i am pretty certain if i ran into him, i would be more that civil, but completely uninterested in any conversation or "catch up". i am confident that i know what kind of life he is living and i would not want to be part of that in any way.
when people ask how long i have been divorced and when i tell them they ALWAYS ask how often i see or talk to him. when i say NEVER, they always seem surprised. why is that? does everyone keep in contact with their ex? am i weird because i dont?

awesome blog

check it out!


i have only had a chance to read a few articles, but they are well written and very interesting. i love the layout as well-let me know what you guys think.

respectable spinster

have you heard of the movie "zandys bride"? i hadnt either, but came across it while i was searching the netflix watch instantly library. i love, love, love gene hackman, so i went against my normal anti western stance and watched it.

one of the opening scenes shows the ad placed by zandys bride to be:


respectable spinster, american stock. wants life in the west. wishes to marry.

she rode the train out, he checked her teeth(not really)and they got married. he took her home to his filthy little bachelor cabin on his extremely remote ranch. from there, the hilarity ensues. not really. if you have ever seen it, you know what i mean.

if it were only that easy. what would my ad look like?

respectable spinster, midwest work ethic, wants life with a good man. wishes to marry in the temple.

ok, ok, i know TECHNICALLY, i am not a spinster since i am divorced, but the ad really would read the same; bitter divorcee...nah..that wouldnt reel them in. gay divorcee...probably would draw the wrong crowd. you see what i mean, right?

first date time

talked to tom last night and its official. he is coming to my town for some business and we will be meeting in person for the first time.
i am excited to meet him, but not overly so and i am hoping that is a sign of maturity as opposed to a genuine lack of interest.
he is an interesting guy, but a tiny bit stuffy. he seems aware of it and takes measures to lighten up a little, so thats a good thing.
maybe he is the kind of guy i need. now please dont think i am designing a temple appropriate wedding dress and making a reception menu in my head. i am just thinking that "my type" has only gotten me in trouble and maybe its time to think outside the box.
still no word from harry and dick has his daughter for the weekend. he checked in saying he would be busy,but was looking forward to talking to me again.
so there you go. the smc dating update.

very curious indeed

while perusing through my "stats", i discovered that i have more readers from iraq and yemen than i do from the uk. how weird is that?

memories of my mom

i was watching some saturday night live retrospective on vh-1 the other night and while they were discussing 9-11 and their season premiere that year they showed a clip of paul simon singing the boxer.
my mom had a greatest hits 8 track tape of simon and garfunkle and i knew all the songs by heart, including this one.
my memory in general is truly pathetic, but there is something about songs that i always remember. i sang right along with mr simon, word for word.
i get a little giggle when i remember myself as a little girl singing cecilia at the top of my lungs while my mom played it in the car. i am surprised she even let me listen to it. if you dont understand why, you should listen to it, its a little naughty.

sweet

caught this video(the official one) on cmt while i was channel surfing. i love the sentiment behind it-i love you despite your quirks and annoying ways and even when you dont look good, you are beautiful. :)

tom, dick, and mr jack mormon

tom has been texting me and we have spoken a few times. the conversations are always good, but the last one turned a little serious and by serious i mean depressing. depressing for him, not for me.
he has been separated for 2 years and divorced for a little more than a year. this in itself is remarkable considering how quickly lds guys get married after divorce or being widowed. his ex wife was recently engaged and is asking for a cancellation of their sealing so she can be sealed to the new guy. he says he is not in love with her or want to be with her anymore, but as he put it the "eternal consequences" were weighing heavy on him.
all the business with sealings and cancellations and where do the kids go...its so much to think about. mr ex man was convinced that despite the fact his ex wife was ex communicated that she could stop him from being sealed to anyone else and that if he managed to be sealed to someone else, he would eternally lose his kids. i just dont think that can be right, but i hear so many stories.
dick got an appointment with a lawyer and says he hopes i am still around when he gets divorced. awwwwwww. the big problem here is that i would be the rebound girl-do i really have the time or patience for that? noooooooooo i do not.
mr jack mormon textd me and we went back and forth for a bit. its always the same, nothing comes of it and i always feel a little sad. it seems such a waste and i try to really look at myself and my own motives for continuing to engage in communication with him. its not good-not necessarily bad, but it certainly has no real positive outcome. sigh.

still here...

but super busy. all this stuff has been happening at once and i am struggling to manage it all. nothing bad, just different and lots of it.
havent heard from harry. i really dont get how i can be "everything i ever wanted in a woman" and then he totally disappears. no real investment so it doesnt hurt my feelings, but i am just curious. why did he do that? i could speculate for years, but i wont. a few of you have commented with a few of your theories and i would love to hear more. guys? any dude theories you can give for such weird behavior?
maybe harry does that with every woman, just hoping someone goes for it-you know, playing the odds. any credibility to that one?

when harry met smc

so here is the 411 on the date with harry: as normal, i met harry at the restaurant. i rarely let a man pick me up at home on the first date. its not that i feel like i am in danger in any way, i just think its smart not to let someone into your home until you know them a little better. i let the last guy pick me up at home since he lived so close, but i didnt let him in. is that weird?
i was a little concerned that harry looked so different from his profile picture that i wouldnt recognize him. he said he was 6 ft tall,but many men lie about that. i dont think its intentional deceit, its that they are deluding themselves. they want to be six feet tall so they stretch a little and call it 6 feet. then they question me like i am lying about how tall i am.
in some weird way he looked exactly the same as his picture-i recognized him immediately-but totally different. his picture was just waist up, but he looked almost barrel chested. this made sense, considering his workout schedule, but in person, he was slim. he definitely looked like he was in shape, but i was expecting stocky. i think he might have been at least 6'1". he was casually dressed, but looked nice and was well groomed. he kind of had a little ed harris thing going on which i consider a-ok. we greeted each other as we shook hands and he held the door for me as we walked in to the chinese restaurant.
when i told my best friend where we were going for lunch she yelled "you have to try the dim sum! they are FAMOUS for their dim sum!" i thought dim sum was a dish like egg fu young or something, but for those of you who dont know(harry didnt and only 1 person who i have told this story to knew what it was)its kind of like a chinese tea. they have carts of appetizer size dishes so you can try a bunch of different things. a little rolling cafeteria that comes to your table. when my friend explained it,she mentioned some of the dishes including fried chicken feet.i am a fairly adventurous diner, but i dont think i would ever go to that extreme. i was feeling intimidated by the prospect, but promised to bring it up to harry.
we were seated and immediately the carts started coming up to our table. they were showing us different things that i could not identify and they were unable to explain. we asked for menus and started looking at them when another cart rolled by that caught harrys eye. he pointed to a couple of plates and they were placed on our table. the carts kept coming and soon our table was full and the menus forgotten. when there was no room left to place anymore food, he looked at me and said "lets pray". i ride the fence when it comes to saying a blessing on your food in a restaurant. i definitely do not like it to be loud or a big show, but if someone wants to offer a blessing, i am ok with that. i am also ok with quietly praying to myself. i am glad i didnt object. his prayer was lovely-none of the standard phrases like "nourish and strengthen". i liked it-major points.
the dinner conversation was interesting and there werent any uncomfortable silences. i liked how he really looked at me while he spoke-it wasnt weird or creepy, it was like he was truly interested and it showed in his eyes.
lunch lasted about 2 hours, but it flew by. i didnt feel any za za zing, but something more solid that might be more appropriate for a first date. there were honest exchanges about all different kinds of things. he impressed me with his honesty about some very difficult things, but his revelations were never inappropriate or too much. it was good.
he walked me out to my car he shook my hand and then instead of releasing it as one would normally do he brought my hand up to his face and kissed my hand. normally i would be totally turned off by such a cheesy move, but it wasnt cheesy. it was sweet and i liked it-i dont think i even blushed a little. i just smiled sweetly and shot a few sparkles his way. it was a good date and i drove away content with all that had transpired. when i got home about an hour later, i was thrilled to see i already had an email from harry waiting for me. then i read it.
You truly have captured me in a special way. You are the everything i ever wanted in a woman. We have only known each other a short time, and just met for the first time. I wanted our time to go on for ever. Youre a beautiful and special woman. I dont want you to get away, but give it some thought about us seeing each other exclusively. and hurry before some one else finds out about you, and i loose you.


sigh. our phone conversation later did not go well. he was not happy with my position that exclusivity after one date(and aprox 6 hrs of phone conversations)was not wise.
we havent spoken since. WHAT THE HELL?

my latest email

from the lds dating site:

Hello Sweetie,
mervelous is wat i would call your profile,you looking so sweet and i must say you are impressing cos you look so beautiful...wud love to be close to you..you are kind of person i woud love to be with and get to no batter cos my spirit tells me So...my im is xxxx yahoo and i willl Love to chat with you and get to no you more and more..

seriously? this has to be a joke, right?

date with harry

sigh...the date went well. the aftermath, not so much. i want to write it all out and explain and get feedback from you guys, but i just dont have it in me right now, but i will tell you this: he is crazy about me,but now he is mad at me. why is everything so freakin complicated?

tom, dick, and harry...OH MY

tom is making plans/arrangements to come see me in a few weeks, dick still isnt divorced, but im's me every few days. i am nice, but dont flirt at all. i am not interested in being a rebound girl in any way, shape, or form. harry and i have a lunch date for tomorrow. i guess he has this "rule" about the first date is always lunch. i think its pretty smart and a good way to play it safe and see someone in the broad daylight. the hd version, so to speak. we made the plans earlier this week and he has made a few cute comments along the lines of "is it saturday yet?" and when we were both made aware of some sa dinner/dance thing(he doesnt dance so i am safe there)he asked me to go with him. he seemed a little embarrassed when i teased him about breaking his lunch date rule. i was moderately flattered and was considering breaking my sa activity boycott, but when i text'd him regarding the possiblity, he said he wasnt going. bad form to tease? i promise that it wasnt mocking or anything shaming. more flirty than anything. you know, imagine me batting my eyelashes and suddenly speaking in a southern drawl "you want to break your rule for little ole me?" that kind of stuff, but not that obvious or stupid. any thoughts?