Saturday, October 9, 2010

when harry met smc

so here is the 411 on the date with harry: as normal, i met harry at the restaurant. i rarely let a man pick me up at home on the first date. its not that i feel like i am in danger in any way, i just think its smart not to let someone into your home until you know them a little better. i let the last guy pick me up at home since he lived so close, but i didnt let him in. is that weird?
i was a little concerned that harry looked so different from his profile picture that i wouldnt recognize him. he said he was 6 ft tall,but many men lie about that. i dont think its intentional deceit, its that they are deluding themselves. they want to be six feet tall so they stretch a little and call it 6 feet. then they question me like i am lying about how tall i am.
in some weird way he looked exactly the same as his picture-i recognized him immediately-but totally different. his picture was just waist up, but he looked almost barrel chested. this made sense, considering his workout schedule, but in person, he was slim. he definitely looked like he was in shape, but i was expecting stocky. i think he might have been at least 6'1". he was casually dressed, but looked nice and was well groomed. he kind of had a little ed harris thing going on which i consider a-ok. we greeted each other as we shook hands and he held the door for me as we walked in to the chinese restaurant.
when i told my best friend where we were going for lunch she yelled "you have to try the dim sum! they are FAMOUS for their dim sum!" i thought dim sum was a dish like egg fu young or something, but for those of you who dont know(harry didnt and only 1 person who i have told this story to knew what it was)its kind of like a chinese tea. they have carts of appetizer size dishes so you can try a bunch of different things. a little rolling cafeteria that comes to your table. when my friend explained it,she mentioned some of the dishes including fried chicken feet.i am a fairly adventurous diner, but i dont think i would ever go to that extreme. i was feeling intimidated by the prospect, but promised to bring it up to harry.
we were seated and immediately the carts started coming up to our table. they were showing us different things that i could not identify and they were unable to explain. we asked for menus and started looking at them when another cart rolled by that caught harrys eye. he pointed to a couple of plates and they were placed on our table. the carts kept coming and soon our table was full and the menus forgotten. when there was no room left to place anymore food, he looked at me and said "lets pray". i ride the fence when it comes to saying a blessing on your food in a restaurant. i definitely do not like it to be loud or a big show, but if someone wants to offer a blessing, i am ok with that. i am also ok with quietly praying to myself. i am glad i didnt object. his prayer was lovely-none of the standard phrases like "nourish and strengthen". i liked it-major points.
the dinner conversation was interesting and there werent any uncomfortable silences. i liked how he really looked at me while he spoke-it wasnt weird or creepy, it was like he was truly interested and it showed in his eyes.
lunch lasted about 2 hours, but it flew by. i didnt feel any za za zing, but something more solid that might be more appropriate for a first date. there were honest exchanges about all different kinds of things. he impressed me with his honesty about some very difficult things, but his revelations were never inappropriate or too much. it was good.
he walked me out to my car he shook my hand and then instead of releasing it as one would normally do he brought my hand up to his face and kissed my hand. normally i would be totally turned off by such a cheesy move, but it wasnt cheesy. it was sweet and i liked it-i dont think i even blushed a little. i just smiled sweetly and shot a few sparkles his way. it was a good date and i drove away content with all that had transpired. when i got home about an hour later, i was thrilled to see i already had an email from harry waiting for me. then i read it.
You truly have captured me in a special way. You are the everything i ever wanted in a woman. We have only known each other a short time, and just met for the first time. I wanted our time to go on for ever. Youre a beautiful and special woman. I dont want you to get away, but give it some thought about us seeing each other exclusively. and hurry before some one else finds out about you, and i loose you.

sigh. our phone conversation later did not go well. he was not happy with my position that exclusivity after one date(and aprox 6 hrs of phone conversations)was not wise.
we havent spoken since. WHAT THE HELL?


  1. Huh. I don't know what to make of it. But "loose" you would be a near deal breaker for me. One of my biggest pet peeves.

  2. i know, weird, huh? yeah, the misspelling bugged me too, but i try not to get too judge-y with men and spelling. especially older guys who didnt grow up with spell check. lol

  3. I think exclusivity after one date is really strange...don't second guess yourself. Keep looking :)

  4. First, 'When Harry Met Sally' is definitely one of my Top 3 favorite "chick-flicks".

    Second, I realize you respective biological clocks are ticking, but what's up with the speed things seem to move? That's a pretty serious e-mail for after a first date. I will usually text "I had a great time tonight, I hope we can do it again sometime." and leave it at that. I feel it's good because it doesn't require a response, it can be left like it is.

    Then again I'm the type who takes his time. While Hannah and I were becoming friends right before we started dating, we even set each other up on blind dates and went on a double-blind(as we called it). We were together close to every other day for almost 4 months before we became 'exclusive.'

    I don't know how it is with 'you kids' today though.

  5. What a pity. It was going so well. I wonder why he was so impatient to make it exclusive. Did he think your reluctance to commit so soon meant "get lost"? Or were his motives less than honorable? Or was it something completely different? It's puzzling, but I suppose now it's moot.

    May you find someone who's everything you wanted and everything he appears to be.

  6. i dont think it has anything to do with biological clocks. he is just in a rush. seal the deal, so to say.
    i dont think i would drag anything out too long, but i think you have to have a few dates before you can have the dtr. sigh.

  7. While I am not saying that Harry isn't totally crazy, I can kinda see what is going on here. Harry enjoyed the date a lot. My guess is that in the past, Harry took his time with a girl (i.e., he undercommitted) and it burned him. His natural reaction is to do just the opposite. I have definitely dome something extreme like that because I thought maybe doing something so opposite from what I normally do might help. Of course it doesnt but love and dating is not something most of us are good at. The moment we have anything at all figured out, we end up married and out of the game. Plus the rules are always changing on us.

    I think that Harry put himself out there a little. It was too much for you but in his mind, he was showing a committment. Here's what happened, you scoffed at him and he saw it as a type of rejection. I am almost sure it hurt his feelings. Nobody wants to be rejected. I suggest you call him or text him and ask him out. I think it will show him that you are interested (and that he misinterpreted your actions).

  8. Tripp may be right. I'd say it's worth a shot if you think it is, SMC.

  9. after our "exclusive" conversation ended so badly, i send him a short email explaining how i enjoyed our date and would like to see him again, but that i didnt think it was wise to move so fast. he never responded.
    i just figure if he is not open to my point of view and doesnt want to understand how i think and feel-it will never work in the long run.
    i tried to be sensitive to his feelings-thinking(like you said tripp)that he might have felt rejected-so i tried to explain that i wasnt rejecting him, just exclusivity. for now. not taking it off the table for good or anything like that. sigh.