bah humbug

yes. thats right. already. i really hate how Christmas decorations are put out before halloween is even cleared out. i hate that a local radio station starts playing Christmas music BEFORE thanksgiving. am i normally this grumpy? this scrooge like? not at all, but the notorious bitterness that seems to hit singles at the holidays has hit me with full force. all these years i have been spared. until now. i am just on a rampage. i liked that i never succumbed to that seasonal malady. i might be single, but my life is full of friends and family and things to do. this year it doesnt matter, i am dissatisfied. i know its up to me to fix it, but i want someone else to do it. any attitude adjusters out there willing to help me out? dumb stuff that has nothing to do with the holidays is happening. i would love to share it here, but its not entirely my story and the details would be too revealing of others. sigh. i need a long nap. no. i need hibernation.

the whole armour of God

i usually dont make it to sunday school. my calling in the rs presidency usually keeps me running during the 2nd hour taking care of things in preparation for the 3rd hour. catching the bishop up on whatever pressing business has come up in the last week and sometimes just socializing with the other foyer squatters.

todays lesson as about protecting yourself from the fiery darts of the adversary by putting on the whole armour of God and one of the things they focused on was the law of chastity. i think the loc takes on an entirely different point of view when you are married. seems to me your main objective is to not cheat. dont succumb to infidelity-literally or in your thoughts. now, i have been married and i know its not all that difficult. you are in love, having regular sex, its all good, right? not so fast. divorce due to infidelity is running rampant in the church. for most of us, it was more mormon urban legend about brother and sister so and so in some far away ward rather that someone you knew personally. not any more. bishops are counseling more for this grievous sin and more marriages are just breaking up, unable to recover.

for those of us without the ball and chain, its entirely different. keeping things zipped up in a world where sex on the first date is the norm is not always so easy. gone are the days that any girl who had sex without at least being engaged was a slut. if you dont have sex by the third date, you are quite possibly a frigid prude with huge intimacy issues. even members of the church. not just men. apparently women are pressuring men as well. its easy to get on my high horse of indignation and preach all of this. i know. you have heard me drone on and on about it. my blog. my prerogative. man that sounded bitchy.

sometimes i think my life is really weird

today and i am hanging out with gbf and one of his friends who is an ex member of the church. guess what we are doing! SCRAPBOOKING. yes we are. i am not even joking.

dont know what to say

last night i tried to write a post and put into words whats in my head and my heart, but it all sounded like whiny baby complaining. i am not a whiny baby. or a complainer. its just that the holidays, in general, leave me wanting. wanting what? you may ask. not sure, i would reply. so frustrating, trying to grasp something intangible and elusive. thanksgiving is over and i am dreading Christmas. dread might be a strong word, but i dont look forward to it like i used to. sigh. does anyone else feel underwhelmed by this time of year?

smc cooks

today i made cranberry chutney to break away from the normal cranberry relish that i make every year. not everyone in my family will eat cranberries(they actually like the canned crap)and even those who do like them, just eat a little bit. there are always a ton of leftovers, but i think this year might be a little different with the recipe. taste testers reviews have been favorable so far.
i also made stuffing(or dressing, depending on your raising)from a new recipe posted by the pioneer woman. she has the best recipes and this one is no different. everyone has been picking at it and loving it. i hope there is some left by time we sit down to the table. stuffing is so simple and be so good, but it can turn into a disgusting mess that no one will touch if you arent careful.
it was a delicious meal and a good time spent with family. lots of stuff to be thankful for.

perspective

i was late to sacrament meeting on sunday so i decided to sit in the foyer and clean out the messenger bag i used for church while i listened to the talks. i love it when i can multitask like that at church. i am sure someone has cleaned out their purse in the chapel, but i wouldnt do it. seems irreverent and a little tacky, but thats just me. i am not calling anyone to repentance. believe me.
there are 4 wards that use our building, so listening to the talks became difficult as the previous wards third hour came to a close and people were gathering their families to go home. it got impossible when the relief society president came out with her screaming two year old and two additional women came out to deal with their misbehaving kids.

all of these women are my friends, so we started chatting. as we bemoaned the unfortunate decline of the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy we noticed the elders walking down the hall. one of the women commented on how cute they were, but followed up with how young they look. we all kind of giggled, but it opened up a discussion on how your perspective changes on something that is essentially unchanging. for the most part, missionaries are 19-21 and thats how its been for decades, but how those young men are viewed drastically changes over time.

when i was a young girl, having the missionaries over for dinner was a blast. they were the best playmates ever. they ate like they had two hollow legs and would just rough house(way before the more recent guidelines that prohibit such things)and act goofy until they had to go home and make curfew. once you graduate from primary into young women these elders morph into demigod like status. they are so cute and so funny and so cool and you just cant wait until you can date and marry your own rm. beehive, mia maid(you can date!), then laurel, when dating a returned missionary can be a reality. now they are potential husbands so you are sizing them up as breeding stock and providers. this phase will last for a few months to a few years. maybe you go to byu for your mrs degree, maybe you meet your eternal companion at fhe in your singles ward. there are so many ways it can happen, but it usually ends with your standing in a receiving line and your closest friends and family eating those chalky pastel mints and drinking ice water out of a punch bowl. then, if you have a real testimony, you give birth to your own little missionary nine months later. the perspective shifts to raising the next generation of missionaries.

now? perspective is a funny thing. the girls from my laurel class are sending out their sons on missions. one just welcomed hers back. technically, i am old enough to be the mother of a returned missionary, yet i shamelessly flirt with them via my blog. in my defense, jake started it, but...

psssssssssssst dont forget

ok-single guys-imagine me batting my eyelashes and shooting sparkles out of my baby blues at you. you will do whatever i ask, right? please take the sex poll-single guy edition. i want to know all that you have to tell me. three awesome guys have already done it, will you? if this wasnt a blog, and we were in person, i might, at this point, gently tug on your sleeve or put my hand on your bicep and smile at you. you know you want to....

new moon

two of my married with children friends decided last minute to take their teenagers to see new moon and invited me to come along. i was so tired from our wards super saturday that i tried to beg off at first,but they were not having it. spontaneous fun after 4pm is rare with these girls. actually, its almost non existent since everything they do is scheduled around husbands and kids. i figured i shouldnt pass up the rare opportunity and i am so glad i didnt. not that it was an evening of cinematic excellence. it wasnt, but it was fun to get out and act a little silly with a couple of old friends. new moon was way better than twilight, but that is not saying much. twilight sucked so bad in every aspect, whereas new moon sucked a little and in not every area. i was amazed at the horrible acting. was robert pattinson this bad in the harry potter movie? graham greene is a GOOD actor. he was nominated for an academy award for his role in dances with wolves, but so far, being in these vampire movies is sucking(get it? sucking ,its a vampire movie. ha!ha!)the talent right out of him. the lone stand out is billy burke who plays bellas dad, charlie. its not that he is a great actor, he just sucks less than the rest of them. he gets a little grace since he had a 3 episode guest starring role in my guilty pleasure gilmore girls, so i might be grading on a curve. i am so glad i went with really good, like minded friends that i could mock the movie with. they were right there with me, rolling their eyes and inwardly groaning when bella took that last little gasp at the end and then the credits started immediately rolling. i hated that ending.

cool contest

via one of my favorite blogs loralees looney tunes i entered this giveaway and wanted to turn you guys onto this cool and fun opportunity. its not an ad and i am not getting anything in return-except a chance to win myself.

sex poll-the single guy edition

in an effort to not split hairs, get lost in minutia or semantics, this poll is for all the single guys-never married and divorced. please copy and paste the questions in your comment and please dont hesitate to answer honestly-your anonymity is protected here with smc!

1. age?
2. active in church? temple rec?
3. divorced? how long?
4. masturbate? how often? do you think its contrary to the loc?
5. kiss on first date?
6. have sex if the girl is willing?
7. horizontal make out?
8. light petting(touching erogenous zones over clothing)
9. heavy petting(any disrobing, fondling under clothes, dry humping,oral sex)
10. would you marry a girl who participated in:
kissing on the first date?
horizontal make outs?
light petting?
heavy petting?
sex before marriage?
11. overall, do you think the girl is in charge of the loc in a relationship?

why i keep him around

i have written about mr jack mormon here and there from the start of this blog. i dont have the time or energy to dig those posts out of my archives and i certainly dont expect you to, so i will give you a quick re-cap.

i met mr jack mormon via a lds dating site 2 years ago. after some witty banter via im and email, he asked me out. it was a nice date. no ones world was rocked, but it was a good enough time that i made the mental note that if he asked me out again i would probably go. he never did. i didnt hear from him until he friended me on facebook a year later. some more im and emailing. then another nice date. in no way was this a love connection , just a nice time. to some, "nice" may imply boring, but that wasnt the case. we had fun. interesting conversation, lots of laughs, and a certain ease being with each other. the conversations werent just surface or shallow. we talked about our common experience with divorce and his issues being a single dad. despite his apathy towards the church, he claimed a testimony of the atonement. he had learned some tough life lessons and was a better man for it. i liked a lot of the things he said and his point of view on several subjects.

the date- then- disappear cycle continued, but a short time ago something shifted. i dont know if i was ovulating when we went out and that caused some sort of chemical reaction on my part or i was just responding to him,but something beyond our previous experiences clicked. the date lasted about 8 hours, but the time flew. there was never a lapse in conversation and we laughed a lot. i know many people list sense of humor as one of the most important things they look for in someone, but i mean it when i say, i need someone who i can laugh with, who cracks me up, and finds me amusing as well.

i know i have mentioned it before, but it bears repeating; this thing between mr jack mormon and me is not love. i dont think it would ever grow into love for a myriad of reasons, but i like him. we enjoy each others company. our actual dates are few and far between, so the bulk of our contact is email, text, and im. he has never put an inappropriate move on me, rather his argument is an intellectual one, making a case against the validity of the loc. the thing is, he knows i dont buy his argument. not even a little bit. i keep him around because the attention is fun and harmless in the sense that no one is going to walk away with a broken heart. experience tells me that his attention span is short and he will disappear soon. surprisingly enough, thats ok with me.

new territory

for me, flirting is always inspired by genuine affection. all this silliness with mr jack mormon is new territory. unabashedly flirting with absolutely no intention is fun, but kind of weird. i have decided to embrace it for the time being. it effectively breaks up the dating hiatus i have imposed on myself. below is an excerpt from a recent text message conversation:

jack mormon: i cannot believe you wont have sex with me.
single mormon chick: sure you can. i have been saying it all along.
jm: just my opinion, but i think we would have great sex.
smc: really, why do you think that?
jm: we have such an easy time talking to one another.
smc: true
jm: they say having sex adds 3-5 GOOD years to your life.
smc: i have heard that. :)
jm: lets have sex for good health!
smc: you are so selfless.
jm: yet you reject all my kind offers. :(
smc: i dont want friends with benefits.
jm: we could be lovers with benefits. better yet, EXCLUSIVE lovers.
smc: i dont understand why you would be willing to commit to that.
jm: i dont understand why you wont!

this is one of many similar conversations. the few friends i have told about mr jack mormon think i should be flattered he is so tenacious. i vacillate between mildly insulted(does he not undersand the word "no"?)and a little flattered. i like him. he is funny, makes me laugh, and holds the door open. he makes no bones about wanting me. thats kind of nice,but i want more. love. i want to be in love. i want it ALL.

what i woke up to

the last memory i have of this song is being at an institute dance with rm#2 and we danced to this song. i am sure i have heard it since 1986, but i dont remember. i dont usually wake up to songs playing in my head, but today...
i guess its not too shocking of a selection for my subconscious to play considering all the recent negotiations with mr jack mormon. some of the things he suggested were kind of funny. tempting, but funny considering the discussions we have had regarding boundaries. mine, not his. apparently he doesnt have any.

if faith is not tested, is it really faith? my faith and testimony in the law of chastity has been tested in many ways, but all the talk with mr jack mormon really got me thinking along the lines of "what does it really matter?" an intellectually sound argument could really be made for turning away from such archaic practices and embracing a more modern way of thinking. i was discussing all of this with a long time, non member friend. she put a fine point on the whole discussion when she asked, "do you want to marry this guy?" she knows me well and got me back on track with my true self. mr jack mormon is not a candidate for a long term relationship, so why throw it all away on him? even if i was a sex before marriage kind of girl, i would never be a casual sex girl. just not my style.

before leaving for church today, i need to choose a conference talk for a lesson in relief society. thumbing through the pages, the first talk that caught my attention was Elder Oaks talk titled "Love and Law". The first examples he gives are about the loc(referring to a couple who co-habitates)and temple marriage. i am grateful for a speedy answer to my prayers last night. the loc might not be modern or cool, but its still Heavenly Father's law and there are blessings for keeping it, consequences for breaking it, and finally the atonement to help us in either instance.

hatin

i hated yesterdays post so much that i considered just deleting it, but i decided to let it stay. for now. i always intended this blog to be fun anecdotes about being a cool, 40-something mormon chick, living life, maneuvering the dating world with some grace and a little panache. WHATEVER. those terms are mutually exclusive with the word(and practice)dating. its so not fun right now and i find myself disappointed and pissed off much of the time. i just keep wondering if i really need the aggravation of all of this. all this drama with mr jack mormon is wearing me out. despite my best effort to just exit with some grace(that damn word again)it has turned to the ridiculous. i am convinced that dating, like trix is for kids, they are the only ones who can withstand the indignity of it.
bitter, party of one!

the games people play

i hate games, yet i willingly walked into this game with mr jack mormon. i should be beyond this kind of junior high level of game playing. i dont think i played these games when i was actually in junior high. feeling silly and a little embarrassed. i am not designed for this kind of relationship. meaningless. careless. its really late. not thinking too straight. i realize the tone of this post is leaning towards depressing. this isnt heartbreak or regret over a lost opportunity, simply disappointment in myself for wasting time on such silliness.

sex poll!

come on guys! take the poll. all the girls are being honest. lets hear your side of the story. i am currently working on the questions for us divorced types so there is more to come.

big mistake

when jake copied and posted andreas letter, it got me to thinking(i swear, i dont have an original thought, i just freakin copy everyone else.)about the letters i have stashed away. there was time that i would tuck the letters i received in my journal. this habit started around the time i was dating erm(electrical engineer rm). he wrote me a lot. i was 19 and he was 25. i was mature for my age, but i wasnt ready for him. i wanted to post some of his letters to be funny, but in going through them, they are breaking my heart. time really can fade memories, but i am wondering why i broke up with him. my journal gives some clues, but from my current point of view, i was an IDIOT. he used to send me lyrics to songs for me to figure out. he told me they all had meaning. the following video is one of the songs he sent.




there is more, but i dont know how much more i want to write. he offered everything i wanted. everything i still want and have not obtained. i dont think i was in love with him and my 19 year old heart couldnt bear the thought of that. now? i married a man i loved and looked what happened. arranged marriage doesnt sound like such a crazy idea to me at this point. what started out as a fun trip down memory lane is turning into major regret. it was a big mistake.

my answers-in case you care or were even remotely interested

i am so excited with the comments i am getting in response to the poll. please keep em coming! here are my answers so far....in case your inquiring mind wanted to know.

1. chick or dude? chick
2. age 41
3. marital status? divorced
for the singles:(using my lame memory to answer these as my 20 yr old single self)
4. do you currently follow the law of chastity?(just so we are all on the same page, the law of chastity,if you are single, means no sex of any kind. no petting. heavy or light. no masturbation.)yes. pushed a few limits, but none were broken
5. do you bend, twist, or otherwise modify the loc to suit your lifestyle? when i look back, i see how i really bent things. major horizontal make outs that almost went too far a few times. no clothes were removed, but there was some bumping and grinding.
6. if yes, is there any guilt? there was a little guilt about what almost happened, but that helped keep me in check and just throwing the loc out the window. kind of feel bad for my boyfriend. he was the poster child for blue balls. as far as my husband, our engagement was short and we were apart for most of it. there was a lot of passionate kissing and i think he tried some light petting(hand on boob over clothes), but was easily rerouted.
7. if the church modified or phased out the loc, would you have sex before marriage? i dont think they ever would, but IF they did, i think i would have premarital sex in a monogamous relationship that was heading towards marriage.
8. have you previously played loosey goosey with the loc? mmmmm...kind of.
9. if you are committed to living a chaste life, do the people you date try to influence you to do otherwise? oh. my. gosh. not when i was dating before marriage, but now? its crazy. its not just the hot, heavy breathing moments when he is quietly pleading..."please? can we?" its intellectual discussions trying to debate the point and convince me to have sex with them.
10. if you play loosey goosey with the loc, do you see someone who follows the loc as a "challenge" and test their limits? i wouldnt try to convince anyone to go against anything they told me was important to them


the first set of married questions:

1-male or female xx
2-age 41
3-were you sexually active before your marriage? nope.
4-if yes,only with your spouse?
5-did you clear it up with your bishop or just move on?-
6-if no, do you think it was worth the wait? i am glad i waited, just bummed that i waited for HIM.
7-was there any adjustment period before you felt comfortable having sex and free of guilt?oh yes. it took me about 3 months to hit my stride and not feel guilty for having sex.
8-have you ever had sex(intercourse,oral,etc)with anyone else during your marriage? no.
9- have you been tempted? technically, yes. msof drug out our "quickie" divorce for 18 months. during that time i met someone i really liked, but we didnt date or do anything until the divorce was final.
10-do you consider your sex life healthy and satisfying? we had a good sex life. one of the few things we did well as a couple.

and the 2nd set of married questions:

1)how long have you been married? 11 years
2)do you have children? how many? no
3)how often do you have sex? we had sex almost daily for the majority of our marriage.
4)how often would you like to have sex? i was ok with the frequency. i can only remember 1 time he turned me down and i rarely turned him down.
5)does your libido match your spouses? he was a smidge ahead of me, but i kept up ok.
6)are you in a sexual rut or do you mix it up to keep it interesting? we had our ole faithful tricks, but we mixed it up every now and then. some of his ideas were stupid, but except for porn, i tried just about anything he requested.
7)if you wanted things to change in your sexual relationship, do you feel comfortable going to your spouse with your ideas? somewhat.
9)is there anything taboo or off limits? porn and anal. my ex husband was always lobbying for that stuff. no judgment for anyone else, but for me, no way. total deal breaker.
10)do you feel church standards restrict you sexually in anyway? initially i heard rumors about the church being against oral sex. i was willing to never try it, but my wonderful mother set me straight. other than that near miss, no. well yes. i dont have sex because of my membership in the church. i was trying to speak as the old married me and got off on a tangent. sorry.

smc sex poll II for my married friends continued

more questions for my married friends because my inquiring mind wants to know! please continue to be open and honest, i love everything you have told me so far.

1)how long have you been married?
2)do you have children? how many?
3)how often do you have sex?
4)how often would you like to have sex?
5)does your libido match your spouses?
6)are you in a sexual rut or do you mix it up to keep it interesting?
7)if you wanted things to change in your sexual relationship, do you feel comfortable going to your spouse with your ideas?
8)is there anything taboo or off limits?
9)do you feel church standards restrict you sexually in anyway?

love it!

thanks to everyone who is giving their 2 cents on my sex poll. i am loving the honesty! keep it coming....guys too!!! i want your input and your opinions.

single mormon chicks sex poll II - for my married friends

i am going to do this phase in two parts. i have more questions, but i dont want anyone to avoid taking the quiz because they dont want to spend hours answering a million questions at one time. thanks to everyone who takes the time to do this. if you are single(especially the guys, only one responded so far), please take the first single mormon chick sex poll- feel free to copy and paste the questions in your comment; makes it easier for us both! i really want to know it all, dont be shy, spill your secrets.

1-male or female
2-age
3-were you sexually active before your marriage?
4-if yes,only with your spouse?
5-did you clear it up with your bishop or just move on?-
6-if no, do you think it was worth the wait?
7-was there any adjustment period before you felt comfortable having sex and free of guilt?
8-have you ever had sex(intercourse,oral,etc)with anyone else during your marriage?
9- have you been tempted?
10-do you consider your sex life healthy and satisfying?

is celibacy an impossible standard?

no.end of story.










ok. we all know thats not the end of the story. its not always easy and its definitely not fun, but it is not impossible and i am sick of the whiner cry babies who say it is. everyone has free agency. choose what you will. i will not judge you, but dont say your reasons are because its an impossible standard.

thank you!

thanks to everyone who has posted their comments for the sex poll. finally had one guy chime in and i hope that many more follow his example. please keep the comments coming. i appreciate all the honesty. the married and divorced questions are on their way....

here i go again.

at the risk of being a nag....TAKE THE SEX POLL!! still working on the married and divorced questions. also trying to find creative ways to pose some questions without appearing like i got the info from hustler magazine.



mr jack mormon im'd me this morning. sigh. i think i am just going to have to be a bitch and cut him off in no uncertain terms. i like him. he likes me. he wants sex. i wont give it to him. agree to disagree and move on, right? today he sent me a link to the website of a little motel we passed by on our last date. when i told him thanks for the laugh, he informed me that it was intended to be funny. really? are those some sort of rico suave moves that will make my clothes fall off? did i tell you he started bargaining with me? he offered me exclusivity. thats right ladies. better than a 3 carat rock and a fancy luncheon after a beautiful temple ceremony. somehow he figured if he told me(before even attempting to hold my hand or kiss me)that he would have sex only with me, that i would sign up immediately. do all guys think that way and just have the social filters in place that prevent them from saying it out loud? or is mr jack mormon the oddity i think he is? i look at myself and wonder what i am putting out there that makes him think i would even consider his offer. i also wonder if he does it because it has worked before. he prides himself on "honesty", but i think the only think he is honest about is his desire to have sex.

begging for sex. the poll that is

please take the poll! i know a lot of my married and divorced friends are waiting on their set of questions....but please tell your single friends to post. this first phase of questions is kind of boring, but i PROMISE they will get sexier and more interesting. inquiring minds want to know.

single mormon chicks sex poll

ok. i need answers. i am not looking to rat you out to your bishop or anything, so please answer honestly and post to the comment section(anonymously of course). please spread the word, i would love to have a ton of feedback on this topic.


1. chick or dude?
2. age
3. marital status?
for the singles:
4. do you currently follow the law of chastity?(just so we are all on the same page, the law of chastity,if you are single, means no sex of any kind. no petting. heavy or light. no masturbation.)
5. do you bend, twist, or otherwise modify the loc to suit your lifestyle?
6. if yes, is there any guilt?
7. if the church modified or phased out the loc, would you have sex before marriage?
8. have you previously played loosey goosey with the loc? did you simply stop and "sin no more" or did you clear things up with the proper priesthood authority?
9. if you are committed to living a chaste life, do the people you date try to influence you to do otherwise?
10. if you play loosey goosey with the loc, do you see someone who follows the loc as a "challenge" and test their limits?

i have more that will address the married and divorced folk. PLEASE comment! i want to hear what everyone has to say.