when jake copied and posted andreas letter, it got me to thinking(i swear, i dont have an original thought, i just freakin copy everyone else.)about the letters i have stashed away. there was time that i would tuck the letters i received in my journal. this habit started around the time i was dating erm(electrical engineer rm). he wrote me a lot. i was 19 and he was 25. i was mature for my age, but i wasnt ready for him. i wanted to post some of his letters to be funny, but in going through them, they are breaking my heart. time really can fade memories, but i am wondering why i broke up with him. my journal gives some clues, but from my current point of view, i was an IDIOT. he used to send me lyrics to songs for me to figure out. he told me they all had meaning. the following video is one of the songs he sent.
there is more, but i dont know how much more i want to write. he offered everything i wanted. everything i still want and have not obtained. i dont think i was in love with him and my 19 year old heart couldnt bear the thought of that. now? i married a man i loved and looked what happened. arranged marriage doesnt sound like such a crazy idea to me at this point. what started out as a fun trip down memory lane is turning into major regret. it was a big mistake.
I feel your pain. Falling in love big time is incredibly intoxicating but the hangover can make for a hard fall. I am glad I experienced it at least once, but if there's a 'next time' I'll be guided more by my head than my heart.
ReplyDeletemy journal indicates that i really liked him a lot. i remember the fun we had and some of the feelings that went with it, but....but what? i really dont know because my 41 yr old head and heart are not happy right now. who knows? i could have married him and he could have just been so annoying that i went out of my mind with regret for not marrying for love. sigh.
ReplyDeleteI regret some people I rejected when I was in college, but I think that I'm just romanticizing them now.
ReplyDeletei think you are right about the romanticizing. after i posted, i read some more of my journal and there were definite reasons of why we wouldnt have worked out. too quick on the post, i guess. lol
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