Thursday, February 4, 2010


it recently occurred to me that as of this year, i have been divorced longer than i had been married to msof. not upset, just find it kind of curious. it could mean nothing, but it could be saying a lot. i just dont know.
if things had gone as planned, i would be celebrating my second anniversary with mr ex man this august.
i posted a few weeks back about my world tipping and the color draining out-things had calmed down a little,but its all rearing its ugly head again. its really hard to manage because most of it is not my responsibility to fix, but effects me and so many people i love.
one of my dearest friends was admitted to the hospital. one of my best friends children are going through a major crisis. several sisters in our ward are dealing with huge issues like porn and prescription drug addiction. its all weighing on me and i know that i need to manage it, but i am struggling with that. its all just so ugly. so much at one time.
i know i am not necessarily unique. its a scary world and so many are being touched by the ugly darkness.
reading over this post i realize that i am all over the place. jumping from one thing to another. its how my mind is working today. eek.


  1. Hope you can see a silver lining soon. Try counting your blessings.

  2. I can so relate to the weird realizations after divorce. When the darkness lifts we have to adjust to life without it all over again.

    I've been divorced for a little over a year and sometimes I am like, "did that really happen???" or the opposite, "when will I stop thinking about it daily?". Like a pendalum I go thru phases of grief and relief and joy, and then back to the grief (lately joy!).

    I'm so sorry that you have so many friends in crisis right now. Let your light shine for them!

  3. i remember the day that i though of msof(my ex husband) and realized two things. 1. i hadnt thought of him in days and 2. it didnt cause me physical pain to think of him. it was quite a milestone for me.
    sometimes i feel like my light is just getting doused with a big ole bucket of water. getting more and more difficult to re-light. not impossible, but definitely harder.
    i so appreciate you guys commenting. it helps! thank you.