addendum: i offer the following not as an excuse, but rather, an explanation. i wrote that post in haste, in a lazy fashion after reading one more of a long line of posts by various bloggers talking about their lives and their husbands and what they put them through.
i am not suggesting that anyone with a legitimate mental illness should be rejected or discarded by their spouse. the women i was referring to mainly had emotional break downs due to their own bad behavior that got them into the mess they were in.
i am generally not the type to wallow in self pity, but i think i was definitely wallowing a little bit yesterday.
i am far from perfect(ask msof), but it just makes me wonder sometimes that if bad behavior is more attractive than good. blain summed it up in the comments and i think he is right, but there has to be more to it than that.
if a fairly attractive woman is nice to you-and i am not talking the clingy, overeager type of "nice"-does that make her less interesting, thus making her less attractive?
been reading some blogs from women who basically admit they are crazy or at least have major issues, some of them landing in psychiatric hospitals for a spell or cheating on their amazing(their words, not mine)husbands and yet these seemingly normal and nice guys stay. emotionally and financially support their crazy wives-many who seem to be incredibly selfish and get a kick out of flaunting it.
how does that work? is being nice and basically normal just too boring for the average guy? do they need that kind of excitement to get turned on or something?
this goes along with my theory on how bitchy and demanding women tend to attract the loyal, long suffering men. the good guys.
its a mystery.
I'd be careful about equating mental illness and bitchiness. If it's a mental illness, I don't see the difference between a man staying with his wife who has cancer, and staying with his wife who has severe depression. Both illnesses can make people bitchy and cranky.
ReplyDeleteIf it's cheating, emotional abuse, or just plain manipulativeness, then, yes, I see your point, and the mystery.
i am not saying that a man should leave his wife who is suffering from depression. i agree, its like any other illness and we have to stick together in those hard times.
ReplyDeletethe stuff i was reading over the last few days fell under the latter of your examples. i just didnt relate it very well in my post. i didnt want to call any particular blog out or point fingers.
Wow I hope I am not one of those women who's blog you read. I mean I have my days but I'm basically nice : )
ReplyDeleteMaybe this is the girl version of "Why do the pretty girls go after jerks?" This would be "Why do the good guys go after bitchy princesses?" The answer is something along the lines of "Because I *love* him/her!"
ReplyDeleteI think. I don't know. I'm not that good of a guy, and I've never been with a princess.
blain-what is lovable about that kind of behavior? i am thinking you might be able to tell me just like i could tell you why women are attracted to jerks/bad boys.
ReplyDeletekelly-definitely not you. seriously.
I have wondered this very thing. I know a very nice, hard-working and successful man who adores his wife and family. There is nothing it seems that he will not do for this wife. And she is an absolute witch to him. I don't get it. She is a bit younger than him, tall and blond-but also a little chubby. He isn't the most handsome man but works out and could clearly find a kind woman who appreciates him. But no. In fact, I think he had a previous wife who was just as mean. I don't get it?! =/ It's such a shame.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the clarification.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think some people just like drama. People who are usually really really bitchy, can also be really, really passionate. I think some men and women are drawn to the emotion and drama, and after that "nice" just seems boring. Hence why the guy in Heather's example divorced one mean wife just to marry another.
I've found this dynamic in a small, healthier scale, in my own relationship. I'm the passionate drama queen (though I try not to be manipulative/bithcy/abusive) and my husband is the mellow nice guy. I think he loves my passionate side as much as I love the serenity he brings into our home. It's a delicate balance.
I guess I'm saying some men like too much drama, and some women abuse the "nice guy's" mellow nature.
Does that make sense?
stephanie-sounds like you are describing a healthy balance in your relationship. i think we are all attracted to people who possess qualities we lack or are weak in. totally makes sense.
ReplyDeleteheather-i had a friend in a similar situation-he said it kind of turned him on-thought all the prissy and demanding behavior was feminine and very attractive to him. i hated to hear him say that. his wife was really out of control.
I think part of it might be that the nice guys have a better tendency to put up with the bitchiness. I have a high tolerance for it. I have been with some princesses and even though I don't claim to like mean girls, I know that I have liked some girls that were very mean. Part of it is love. Part of it is just that as guys, our goal is to get with the prettiest girl that we can possibly get with and still maintain what we perceive as our minimum required level of happiness Sometimes more looks and a meaner personality equal a better overall situation from the perspective of a guy because it meets our basic needs. As long as we are at least minimally happy, we are fine with trading additional amounts of happiness for a better looking girl, especially when we are younger and hornier.
ReplyDeleteAlso, girls like that are usually good actors. I know that it is really hard to tell the difference between bitchiness and self confidence in a girl. Guys are more attracted to self confident girls.
thank you, tripp!!! any other guys agree with him? this makes total sense to me and fits with the behavior i am talking about.
ReplyDeleteI think Tripp's fleshed it out pretty well.
ReplyDeleteJust because a guy stays married doesn't mean he's happy. The cost of a divorce and his commitment to the children might keep him in the relationship. His wife may not have been that way when they were dating/early marriage.
ReplyDeleteanon-speaking from experience?
ReplyDeleteits true, people change. i think women are very guilty for the big fake out.
Spot on.
ReplyDelete