Monday, April 5, 2010
friends
i totally agree. unless they are gay, men are not interested in a friendship that they dont think will end up in bed. the sex "thing" is always "out there".
with the exception of tgws(tall guy with sunglasses, my first real boyfriend)i have chosen not to be friends with any of my ex's . it took me and tgws over 20 years to get to the point where we can put all the nastiness behind us and be friendly. we actually just had a lengthy facebook im session the other night. its weird, but good. glad its gotten to that point, but its fairly obvious that he is interested in trying to renew a romantic relationship. i know it will never work. he is so very anti-religion and is very cynical of my activity in church. funny how he used to be the guy who came to church with me every sunday just to be with me.
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"Well have a nice life..."
ReplyDeleteha ha.... Brilliant.
I think I'm starting to realize this is the truth sigh.... Wether it's being completely intimate with someone or just some physical intimacy... usually one person wants it.
lame-sause!
sad, but true, huh?
ReplyDeleteI guess my comment got eaten. This is an overstatement. I have long-term female friends where there is no romantic future at all, to speak nothing of sexual potential. Time going by only makes this more clear.
ReplyDeleteSex is definitely something to be mindful of, especially when it appears to not be on the table -- it's quite possible for "Oh, he would never try anything," to turn into "I can't believe he tried that. I never saw it coming." And with no advanced warning.
long term-like since childhood? i think that could be an exception. otherwise blain, as in many things, you are an exception ;-)
ReplyDeletethe clip is definitely a comedic twist, but i think at its core is a fundamental truth-men generally invest in the emotional only to get the sexual payoff. i think more recent generations of men have been educated and conditioned more in the art of involving themselves emotionally. its a good thing, but it brings its downsides too.
I've moved to many times to have friendships that have lasted contiguously since childhood, and those aren't the ones I'm thinking of. I have a number of them, some single and some married, where there is no romantic plan -- not even an imaginary one.
ReplyDeleteNow, when you say "generally," meaning most guys, most of the time, I think that works. As I said, it's something to remain mindful of, and to include in plans. Things like "It'll be fine to spend the night in the same room. We're just friends" can jump up to bite you when you don't expect it.
BTW, I did respond to both of your comments on my blog. It was nice to have something other than spam-attempts to deal with. And your comments should appear immediately now.
blain- i went to your blog, but dont see any new comments on the 2 posts that i commented on.
ReplyDeletehow do you manage these friendships considering the social restrictions that the church puts on married people; ie: do not be alone with anyone of the opposite sex, etc.
Those guidelines aren't practical all the time, but most of the contact is done by phone, email and IM. It's enough.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I saw that you'd already replied before I said that. I've responded since, and have the comment rss feed in my aggregator.