1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. Just how the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5, as I'm pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to.
13. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn
it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking really good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day, What a waste!
15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
16. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
17. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than with Kay.
18. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
19. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw
20. I would rather try to carry 10 grocery bags in each hand than take 2
trips to bring my groceries from the car into the house.
21. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish
a text, change my shoes or finish applying my mascara.
22. Sometimes I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom
23. How many times do you suppose it is OK to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear, understand or you just weren't
paying attention to a word they just said?
24. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in to your lane. Stay strong, brothers and
25. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
26. Is it just me or do teenagers get dumber & dumber every year?
27. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going
down after leaning your chair back just a tad too far.
28. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket or purse, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, pitch black, first time, every