Tuesday, June 8, 2010

dollars and sense

a couple of the guys have mentioned money, the economy, and finances in my post from yesterday about what men really want.
no holds barred guys. tell me what you really want.
do you want your wife to work full time until the kids start coming?
what about after the babies arrive?
are you happy to support pedicures, pampered chef parties, and weekly girls night out OR would you rather that be a rare exception?
how about a girls weekend away? maybe a cruise or a little trip to a cabin nestled in the woods. you stay home with the kids and a honey do list, of course.
you might have to work overtime to pay for groceries like frozen pizza and pre packaged food. chinese takeout will be ordered at least once a week, so budget for that.
little, if anything will be homemade and your kids will be wearing baby gap and aeropostale.
i mention these things, because i know women like this. i am not exaggerating.
is that just how it is now or have men unwittingly fallen into a financial trap?
money is a huge issue that is significant in many divorces.
i have dated men who stated they will not get involved with a woman who does not have a good job and a steady income because he is still supporting his first wife and doesnt want to support another.
its a crazy world folks. tell me what you think.


  1. All I can say is, tithing. Money can be a big issue, but if you honestly pay tithing, Heavenly Father has promised us blessings (a TON of blessings!!)

  2. yes! thanks for mentioning that. its true, but dont you think that despite the temporal blessing tithing gives us, Heavenly Father still expects us to be prudent with money?

  3. The all important dollar.

    A man I look up to once told me that I should remember when entering a relationship or marriage that, "While money can't buy happiness, the lack of money is the key to unhappiness."

    I believe that statement whole-heartedly. I'm not saying that you need a lot of things or a big house to be happy, you need financial security, nothing causes more stress in the human brain than a shortage of funds.

    As far as what I would expect from a woman in that realm, before kids begin to arrive I think women should work. Seriously, what else are they going to do to contribute? I had enough chores growing up to know that you can clean the entire house in a day, and I know from helping my mom that a full-course meal only takes about an hour, and that was for a family of six.

    I don't have conservative views of womanhood, I don't plan on my wife being the cook and clean housewife type before we have kids, I plan to contribute equally on those fronts. If she wants those luxuries you talk about, they're a lot more reasonable on two incomes. On top of that, how much money do you think you'll be able to save for the future over a couple years of having two incomes?

    There were girls I knew who as soon as they got married they went into housewife mode, I don't get it. Once you have kids to raise I totally support that, raising a kid is a full-time job in an of itself, but until then, why not share the yoke?

    Sorry to drone, I'm a little passionate about how much of a joke expectations of women in Utah culture are...

  4. noyb- Of course Heavenly Father wants us to be wise with our money, but tithing should come first. If we put tithing first, He will help us with the rest. That doesn't mean that if you pay tithing, you will have enough money for the pedicures, cruises and Aeropostale, but you will have enough for your needs.

    woasm (can I call you that?)- I don't believe that "the lack of money is the key to unhappiness." If that were true, I'd be pretty unhappy, but I'm not.

  5. i absolutely agree that tithing comes first-i have always operated that way and even in times of financial crisis-i have been blessed.

    woasm(hope you are ok with that, liked how jenni abbreviated) i have never lived in utah, but i know people who have and via my blog and others i have heard how mormon culture in utah is kind of like living in the twilight zone. the satire blog, seriously so blessed is a major indicator of how things are. i dont think her exaggerations are too far off the mark. i can understand how it would spook a man, big time.
    i guess i am coming from the opposite end of the spectrum. i always worked. there were times that i was the sole source of income in my marriage. i am looking for the balance. the man who feels the desire to provide and protect,but knows me well enough and trust me to know that i can be trusted with the finances and i will honor his commitment to me, by being careful and not be frivolous with the money he has earned for our family. its hard for me to even say that-its like admitting that you want someone to take care of you, but its not that way. sigh. rambling again. :-/

  6. Jenni: I'm a very mentally tough person, I've been through a lot, and nothing really gets to me. One exception is that now I'm supporting myself completely, if I have money issues now my quality of life suffers and I get stressed. That stress really eats away at you, you can cope with it but over time it overwhelms the defenses. I'm not talking about being rich or being unhappy, I'm talking about making enough money to satisfy the lifestyle you want.

    Noyb: It is the Twilight Zone! and I'm William Shatner, I see the monster on the wing and know something is wrong, but everyone around me just thinks I'm crazy! I plan to eventually be the sole provider for my family, which once I'm done with school will be easy in my profession, but before I have kids if my wife wants to stay-at-home, I know I'd be thinking "So while I was at work for the last 12 hours... what did you do?" I think my spouse contributing to our income would make it so I could trust her with our finances without a second thought. There are a lot of girls out here who think getting that "cute Louis Vuitton purse" is SO important! Those are usually the girls here whose parents have completely supported and so don't fully understand the value of money. I've always felt like once my wife had children, I'd want to be able to make enough so that she only had to work if she wanted to. Of course, after working around old people at work, and seeing how easy it is to usually pick out the stay-at-home types from the out-and-around types, I'd like to hope I end up with a girl who wants to work again once the kids are in school. The human brain has to stay stimulated and the life lived, otherwise it all turns to mush.

  7. My mom didn't work while I was growing up and I really appreciated that. I think every circumstance is different. To be honest, I don't really care whether the girl I marry wants to work or wants to just stay at home. Both have benefits. The important thing is that she is happy and feels fulfilled.

    If I were in a situation where money wasn't quite as abundant, I would certainly put pressure on my wife to work some. To suggest that a few hours a day at a day care center is bad for your kids is a bit short-sighted. But if we have plenty of money then I don't see it as a necessity for her to be at work when she could be gardening, attending school or just relaxing a bit before she has kids (and after she has kids). I am all about hiring a maid to come clean the house. I have one now and it makes life so much easier.

    I don't want a girl that will be too frugal with money. I am going to spend some of the money that I earn on stuff that I want. I didn't spend 8 yaers in school and 11 hours a day working so that I can have a wife tell me that something I want is "out of the budget." I am serious about this, if I want a new car or a new bigger TV or a vacation in Barbados, I expect to be able to have these things. Of course, she will be well taken care of too. But I have zero plans to invest any money in a college fund for my children and if my wife has a problem with that, I am not budging. Maybe I will put that in the prenup.

  8. woasm- i see where you are coming from and i agree with what you are saying-in theory. you are where you are and you have the right to seek out who is compatible for you in these ways. i think it is so lucky you found hannah. in utah, no less! the land of the pampered mormon princess. :)
    tripp-if only the divide between us was not so wide...i would insist we exchange photos and if we both liked what we saw... i would give up lip gloss for good and forgive ;-) that you are a mere 6'2". i kid. kind of.

    you remind me of the 2nd rm i dated. his ideas were very similar to yours. i remember on one of our first dates he asked me where i would like to go on my honeymoon(he didnt say "our" so i wasnt freaked out by the question.)i told him that i wanted to go to the virgin islands. within a few weeks i got a big package of travel guides for the v.i. and a short note from him saying: "i just want you to know that i have enough money to take my wife wherever she wants to go on our honeymoon. i would love to take you there." by this time, we had a few more dates and things were definitely moving in that direction. i dont think i was mature enough to appreciate it at the time. i just got a little freaked out. he was going to school for a career that would provide well for him and his family, but i never fell in love with him and it was a deal breaker.

    i think that if you can afford a new car or a bigger tv that there is no reason to skimp for the sake of old school mormon frugality.
    i am kind of with you on the college thing. i think some assistance is ok, but definitely not paying for the whole ride.
    as always, thanks everyone for giving me your 2 cents.