Tuesday, June 22, 2010

playing the odds

ever since i went on that sa temple night a few weeks ago, i got a few new friends on facebook. with these friends i get to see stuff and get lots of information about lots of different people.
for example-the girl who was "just friends" with that nice man i told you about? she wasnt kidding. she just updated her profile to "in a relationship" with some guy she never even mentioned that night. we heard about all 3 of her ex husbands-the most recent of which she hasnt even had out of her house for six months-and a few other guys, but no mention of the man she is now so entwined with that she updates her relationship status.
am i the weird one or is this odd behavior?
i now get to see pictures of the different sa events that people post on facebook. i swear, i am not a prude, but these activities look like keg parties from high school. just add a mid life paunch and crow's feet.
it makes me sad. they look like they are having fun, but it all seems so shallow and base.
i know i am risking sounding so very judgmental, but i just cant see how any successful relationship could ever be cultivated in an environment like that.
the turnout for water skiing and bbq's is overwhelming, but the temple night attendance is pathetic.
what do i expect? well...i do expect some of that shallow stuff, but i certainly hoped there would be more balance. people like me, who are flawed, but trying. looking for another flawed, but good person.
as i often do, i ramble and get off on tangents. i labeled this post "playing the odds" because i was thinking about these women who have had multiple marriages to my one, that no sooner get divorced and they are in a relationship again. are they smarter, prettier, more spiritual, or sexier than me? i dont think so. i think the odds are in their favor because they KEEP GOING. keep going to singles stuff, dancing, water skiing, pool parties, and whatever else they do. i just dont. maybe i am wrong, but it just seems like so many are just settling for mediocre. sometimes the mediocre turns so very scary and then all of a sudden you have 4 divorces under your belt. one woman made the comment that she would rather be divorced 4 times rather than have pre marital sex. are those the only two options?
just thinking about this is depressing me.


  1. Ugh. I can't say I have gone to any single activities, but I find the same thing on singles sites. It seems like the majority of people on Linkup and others are not following many of the standards of the church. People who comment that they honestly do not drink alcohol or coffee or have premarital sex are often ridiculed as prudish. There is a core group of consistent posters who boast of their exploits and parties so much that I have to glance up at the address to make sure it still says LDS in the tagline.

    Aren't there some actual older single Mormons who really believe and live their faith out there? Is this what there is to look forward to when the divorce is finally done? Are the actual practicing Mormons somewhere else?

  2. That is depressing. I think you are wise to be careful and stay true to yourself and your ideals. You wouldn't want anything less from a potential partner right?

  3. dont get me started on linkup! some of the stuff on there is insane.
    i think there are some actual practicing single mormons out there, but they are so rare.
    i always worry that i come off as seeking perfection. i also worry about the ridicule for being prudish. which i am not, but i guess compared to the bikini clad party girls, i just might be.

  4. This is so not encouraging me to get my divorce filed. I don't need to be fighting off slutty Mormon hussies because I'm male and have a TR.

    And, for the record, you're way, way sexier, in all your tall brunetteness in the mind of this gonna-be-single guy than these sMh's are.

  5. Maybe you should start look into dating younger guys? No, I'm serious.

    I know I'm like that "Stats" guy on your blog, but studies show that 50% of first marriages end in divorce, they usually end there, but that study continues on to show that 66% of all second marriages fail, 75% of third marriages fail, etc... I don't think it's because they keep trying, I think the big difference between you and them is that you're actually still learning from life experiences, they're not.

    Maybe you are looking for perfection but I think, with those odds, it's the right choice.

  6. blain-thanks for the ego boost. :) i guess the "modesty is hottest" train has left the station. no one seems to be buying it any more. i love the term "single mormon hussy". my mom used to say hussy. lol. y ou dont hear it much any more.
    may i ask why you keep postponing your divorce? its been several years, right?
    woasm: i have dated younger guys. they are great, but they have their own set of issues. thanks for your little ego boost too. i like that your perception that i am learning from my experiences. i try and i think i am somewhat successful.
    the odds do suck.

  7. Actually, it was "slutty Mormon hussy," which is less about status and more about attitude. Not sure where exactly I got "hussy" other than I was probably thinking of the "feminist Mormon housewives" title, and "hussy" has similar sounds and syllabification.

    Lately, it's because I don't get back to the paperwork, and I'm not all that sure that what I want to do with them will work. I don't deal with having powerful strangers pass judgment on my life and how I'm going to live it. That's probably the biggest part.