ever since i read committed, i have been thinking a lot about that gem parcel analogy, wondering what my brilliant, perfect gems are and what my crap stones are.
i, as everyone else, like to put my best foot forward, so itemizing my faults is somewhat depressing, but claiming my brilliant glittery gems is even harder.
so here is some(i am sure there is crap i am not even aware of or willing to face at this point in my life)of the crap the makes me...well ME:
1. i am shy. no one believes this because i tend to over compensate, but it can be occasionally debilitating.
2. sometimes(i know its exaggerated in my mind, but it does exist)the overcompensation gets out of hand. i can be a little too irreverent and boisterous. i have been known to say wildly inappropriate things and have embarrassed myself a few times.
3.i am an annoying contradiction. i am a "good" lds girl. seriously. BUT there are things about me that make this confusing. my willingness to have an open discussion about sex. i can be extremely flirty. i have been known to drop an f-bomb here and there. my love of heavy metal and going to those concerts seems to confuse guys who see me sitting in church every sunday. because of my wide and varying circle of friends, i KNOW things. not only do i know them, but i am willing to admit my knowledge(not personal experience see the above "good" lds girl)of pot smoking culture and swingers clubs(amongst other things).
4.i act tough, but, i am just a girl, standing in front of a boy...sorry. just channeling notting hill-i just couldnt resist. :)
i do act tough and some of it is legit, but it can also operate as a cover for feelings of inadequacy and a longing to belong to someone who really loves me(despite my crap)and i love them equally in return.
5.i am a horrible procrastinator. i mean bad. even silly stuff like brushing my teeth at night, i will put off until the last minute. its ridiculous-i mean, i wont be eating anything else for the night-why not just brush my teeth now? nope. i have to wait until i am falling asleep reading a book and force myself out of bed to go brush my teeth. crazy.
6.i am quirky. when i posted a few weeks ago about quirkiness, i had to ask the people who know me best what mine were. they were more than willing to provide me with the information.
a)ordering at restaurants. a little reminiscent of sally(when harry met sally),but not quite that extreme. i always ask if they use real butter and despite my love affair with spuds, i hate hash browns and always want them substituted for something else. one friend in particular cannot stand that i cannot just say "i would like the rootie tootie fresh and fruity breakfast" and leave at it that. she likes to be uncomplicated,(is eating crap you dont like just to avoid being a pain the definition of uncomplicated?) but i figure substituting whole wheat toast for hash browns isnt really all that complicated. maybe i am kidding myself and every waiter who has taken my order at ihop has spit in my food. hard to tell.
b)mopping. i hate the thought of dunking the mop into a bucket of dirty water and thinking my floor is clean. my process is this: fill the left side of my kitchen sink with hot water and pine sol. dunk the mop and wring it out. mop a section of the floor. take the mop back to the sink and rinse it out over the right side, wring out, then dunk into the clean mop water, free of any dirty floor gunk. repeat. i am laughing at myself right now, but have you ever really paid attention to what the water looks like when you dump a mop bucket? its disgusting and after the first or second time you dunk your mop, you are just reapplying the filth you are trying to clean off your floor.
c)i will not take a dish to a potluck or to a family in church that i have not made before. even if i am super confident it will be good, i have to have a trial run. i also dont care to do the norm. i have never made a texas sheet cake or a jello w/shredded carrots in my life. it doesnt have to be super fancy, but i like what i make to be a little different.
i know there are more, but i have been distracted from this post, accidentally posted it incomplete, and have just taken way too long.
now for some of the sparkly good stuff. some of this is superficial and some it is deep, but its me.
1)blue eyes. they have often driven men to distraction. i dont get it, but i like it.
2)tall. i almost put this one in the crap portion of this post, but guys seem to like it. particularly the shorter ones-go figure.
3)loyal. i will go 9 rounds with anyone who screws with those i love. this doesnt just cover romantic entanglements-friends and family are included.
4)funny. i have a good sense of humor and i appreciate when a man is genuinely funny. i think they like my laugh and what guy doesnt like to be a comedian?
5)smart. not a genius, but i can be pretty quick and keep up with most minds.
6)faithful. i have NEVER been tempted to cheat on anyone i have loved. infidelity touches so many of us and even though it is never wise to say never, i will go out on a limb and say i will never be unfaithful. if i am so unhappy and the relationship is beyond repair, i would end it as gracefully as possible and then go on with my life.
7)i am trying to remember random things that others have said they find good about me. mmmmmmm. "authentic" is a word that has been tossed around. a few have been disarmed by it, but most have appreciated that i am "real" and dont play games. mr jack mormon said he liked the "sassy, flirty" me. mr ex man appreciated my "good" lds side, but really liked that i knew a little something about music-he would often tell me how beautiful i was. he also called me his "rock chick". silly, but i liked it. trying to remember anything that msof liked about me...all the things that are coming to mind are kind of selfish on his part. he liked my cooking and he liked me in bed. lol. he would tell his military buddies(this is so tacky)that everyone should marry a mormon girl-its the best sex you will ever have. he had this weird pride about being my first. AFTER we were married.
i guess thats enough. i might be able to come up with a few more, but its difficult to balance all this stuff out. take credit, but be humble. all that stuff. sigh.