Sunday, June 6, 2010

what do guys REALLY want?

seriously. be honest. tell me, please!

this is what i think guys want:

1. sex. they want lots of sex. multiple times a day is preferable, but will settle for daily.

2. looks. they want a pretty girl. some things are standard, but the requirements can vary from man to man.

2a. body. they dont want a twig or an extrememly fat girl. there are exceptions to this of course. i know of some men who really like skinny, skinny girls and there are men who like girls with some junk in the trunk.

3. maternal instinct. they want someone who can be a good mother/stepmother/grandmother

4. homemaker. they want a girl with homemaking skills. cook, clean, maybe sew. guys want a girl who will feather the nest and make a house a home.

5. admiration and respect. men like to be praised. they want to know their girl thinks they are the best. they need to hear it a lot. they are the toughest, strongest, smartest, know the drill.

mr jack mormon used to quote chris rock: " a man wants only 3 things. food, sex, and silence."

so tell me. am i even close? i really want to hear what you guys have to say.

p.s. i would hope temple worthy and a testimony would be on the list, but it really doesnt seem to matter all that much to the men in my own dating experience and what i see of others experiences.


  1. Sure there is some truth to this. (Which is why Chris Rock's quote is so funny.)

    But it is also overly simplistic. For example, watching President Hinckley discuss is wife after his passing did you get the impression the above list was what he was most expecting from Marjorie? Sure he is a special case but he is someone we can relate too.

    My point is there is a true superficial side to many men. But I bet you most men want their relationships with women to become as real, substantive and meaningful as President Hinckley's was. But, it may be a rocky road to get there.

  2. funny that you mention that talk. i was doing a google search for a lesson i am teaching soon and came across that talk. it was beautiful and touching, but a couple of things come to mind. President Hinkley was almost 100 years old when he died. when he was courting and getting married it was a totally different time with fairly obvious gender roles-especially in the church. the other thing that comes to me is that is the talk he gave at the end of her life, after being married decades. he said they never had harsh words, but i am sure there was a learning curve. i would certainly love to marry a man who would speak about me in that way. i try to live in such a way that i would be worthy of such praise. why a rocky road?
    so joseph-give me your list please. how should it look?
    i do not hesitate that i very well may be tainted somewhat through divorce and the post 30 dating game.
    i appreciate you taking time to comment-i really do want to hear it all.

  3. noyb,

    Believe me, I am the last person you want to take advice on these topics from. Sure I successfully got married, but I think luck had a *huge* part to play in it. My friends constantly told me I was doing everything wrong. (For example, on one date at a church dance I tried to prove to my date that there are infinitely many prime numbers and that the prime factorization of all positive integers > 2 is unique. It is a very elegant proof mind you.)

    Secondly, men are diverse enough that one list will not cover them all.

    I would say:

    1. You need to put a little effort being all the above 6 you mentioned, even the more superficial ones like "looks". Guys do unfortunately have a little bit of the natural man in them.

    2. Many men I know are very concerned with their economic situation. I think economics ruins many marriages and I think it is smart of both people to be committed to ensuring their economic situation doesn't go bad.

    3. Women need to have the talent knowing what men to avoid. It was my experience at BYU that some of the men who treated the women the most cruelly, in other words "used" them, got the most dates and phone calls. (Why is that by the way! The whole nice guys finish last issue.)

    4. Luck.

    5. Be able to hold an intelligent conversation. (Although, I'm very biased here. Think proof of prime factorization.)

    6. (Another pet peeve of mine.) Don't be a complainer. I have always been drawn to people who aren't always negative about everything.

    7. Be over-all hard working and don't procrastinate.

    8. Oh, did I mention luck. Seriously, I can give you a list on how to be "perfect" but in the end, you have to be fortunate enough to run across someone who loves you despite your imperfections. (But we should all try our best to minimize our imperfections.)

    Look, I don't think dating and marriages are always easy. They are not but I do think if you are willing to work hard and get lucky enough to get married to someone else who will work hard, things can end up like President Hinckley's.

  4. I could a gree with this list, as well as agree that it is a little over-simplified.

    The homemaker one isn't a necessity to me. I'm pretty low maintenance, I can cook, but I don't because the added joy of eating a nice meal by myself doesn't counter the effort it took. Also I'm a minimalist, I know a lot of people love a decorated space, but I only have four pieces of furniture because that's all that's needed, also my wall are bare.

    I need someone to push me. Not the nagging way, but more the friendly competition way. I need a woman who can say "look what I did, what've you got?" I think if I paired off with the strictly housewife type I'd shrivel and die.

    Men do want admiration. It's primal, all the way back to our hunting-gathering days. There are some women, however, who give this admiration freely, I'd rather earn it. This goes along with my last thing about challenges, I want to hear that I'm the best because I proved I'm the best, not just as an easy way to stoke my pride.

    Honestly, I can't say that having a strong testimony is a required trait, I've never counted out the possibility of ending up with a non-member.

  5. Very interesting topic! I was going to comment with my answer to what I was looking for when I was dating, but it was too long, so I made a blog post on my blog about it :D

    You guys mention luck a few times, and I see what you mean. I once heard someone say that luck is just when God chooses to remain anonymous. That HAS to be true, because I'm not normally very lucky, but I married a fantastic girl!



  7. thanks for all the comments guys. i really appreciate it.
    chas-i thought it was coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. :)
    astra-thanks for dropping in. :)

  8. I agree with much above. I also have one to add that I don't see. In my opinion, you also have to be a practical person financially, i.e., not "high maintenance". No matter the income of you and/or your spouse, it is very important to be practical about your needs versus wants. The average family cannot withstand one spouse or the other trying to keep up with the Joneses and not having the means to do so.

  9. I'm a little shaky on the details of what I want, but here are some general points:

    1. In the attraction business, short, blonde and cute is hard to beat. All other things being equal, red hair is worth more points. This is kinda the high end of the positive fantasy.

    2. On the low end of the negative fantasy, I want someone willing to be with me.

    3. Between those, I want someone who I can make a marriage work with. I have some ideas of what that means, and it has a chunk of 1 and 2 in it (more 2 than 1, but you've gotta have some 1). More than that, it has to do with shared values, compatible senses of humor, mutual respect, and effective communication.

    4. Baggage that is dealt with enough that it doesn't shut the whole show down.

    5. Someone I can go to the temple with. Temple dates just look cool, and that's where I want to be married.

  10. i so agree about the temple dates. i want that too. someone to sit with in the celestial room and just "be". sigh.
    thanks blain. hoping i would see your comments here. :)