just last night i was reminded of possibly the most embarrassing moment of my life. i had completely forgotten about it until my good "friend" reminded me. its amazing how our mind can bury things that we dont want to remember so deep that they are almost irretrievable. almost. lets see if i can set the scene for you.
i was actively participating on one of the lds dating sites. things were going pretty well and things were really starting to happen for me and this guy i will call mr latin lover. like many relationships that start out on the internet,we were long distance. we were in the very beginning stages of planning the details of where and when we would meet and we were talking just about every day. flirting like crazy. he really possessed some of the stereo typical hispanic machismo that has NEVER done anything for me. until him. for some reason it was just worked.
it is still a mystery to me.
it was a saturday night, probably about 8. i was expecting a call from mr latin lover so it did not surprise me when the phone rang. i answered it on the third ring(cant seem to anxious, right?)with kind of a sexy "hello". nothing too slutty, mind you, but it was obvious that i was talking to a boy i liked. this is how the conversation went:
mlv: how are you? (really friendly and sweet. did i mention this boy liked me?)
smc: gooooooood. happy to hear from you. (i am being just as sweet. i LIKE this guy)whatcha doin? (i have to admit. i am being super flirty. its not so much the words, its my tone.)
i am sure there were a few more general, but pleasant exchanges, where i giggled like a little girl, shooting sparkles through the phone line. wait for it. this is where it all turns into a train wreck.
mlv: just calling everyone to remind them about ward welfare meeting tomorrow morning.
SCRRREEEEEEEEETTTTTTTCCH(imagine the deafening sound of tires squealing when the brakes are suddenly and violently stomped on) WHAT THE F--- HECK?! it wasnt mr latin lover at all. it was brother disguise his voice to sound like mr latin lover!!! who in the hell calls after 8 o'clock at night for church? on a saturday night, no less! should i be insulted that he would assume that an eligible bachelorette like myself would be home on date night?
now just about any normal person would just go on like nothing ever happened:
smc: ok brother disguise his voice. thanks for the reminder call, i will be there!
but NO! i could not recover. i hemmed. i hawed. i sputtered. i could not, for the life of me, regain my footing in this conversation, so i just came clean(like an idiot).
smc: oh my gosh bro disguise his voice, i am so sorry. i thought you were this man i am dating(white lie style stretch of the truth, but i was quickly sinking here)and i am sorry i was acting so weird!
now bro disguise his voice is a very nice man, not uptight at all, but he is married and the tone that i was using to speak to him was entirely inappropriate. i was so embarrassed, but he didnt seem to be. he thought it was hilarious.
bdv: ha ha ha sister single mormon chick. dont your worry about it.
smc: (face still on fire from the sheer humiliation of this five minute conversation)thanks brother disguse his voice. see you tomorrow.
now the panic sets in. most of us that are members of presidencies of the different auxiliaries are pretty friendly. we tease and joke a lot. i was going to be tortured tomorrow unless i did some sort of damage control. damage control, yeah right. i think the humiliation had diverted too much blood flow away from my brain because i was clearly not thinking straight when i contacted the two biggest jokesters in the group and told them the story, leaving out my own personal humiliation, by playing it down to a silly little mistake. i eventually calmed down and fooled myself into thinking that no one would bring it up in the meeting the next day. WRONG! it came up and i while i did a pretty good job of minimizing my utter embarrassment-the bishop seemed very confused and very concerned with what he was hearing so i then had to explain my gross error of judgement(and hearing). i think the bishops sense of humor had been surgically removed. he did not find it funny at all. the whole thing still causes me a little pain. i truly try to move through this life with a small amount of grace, but i so often trip myself up.