Saturday, September 19, 2009

funny thing happened today

i woke up thinking of my ex husband, mr soldier of fortune. i dont think of him all that much anymore which is a very good thing. lately, any thoughts of him are brought on by questions or comments from others that knew me when i was married and go something like this: "remember that time when mr soldier of fortune was acting like a complete a-hole and...." everyone has a mr soldier of fortune story and it can be fun to relive them, but the thing that amazes me is how painfully aware my friends and family were of what a jerk he was. i thought i successfully hid a lot of it, but i was fooling myself. when i finally invited him to leave our home and our marriage(kicked his a-hole self out), there was a rousing cheer from my camp. everyone came forward with their stories and heart felt relief that i was finally out. when i asked why they never said anything, all of the pretty much told me that i was married to him, seemed to love him, so why make my life more difficult with their complaints? my friends and family love me and they supported me even through the craziness. our anniversary is coming up. for many years it has slipped by without me noticing until days later. not this year. it occurred to me this morning that i have been divorced longer than i was married. seems weird-like it happened to someone else and i just know the story, but the story is mine and it did happen to me. i once heard a quote that went something like "the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference". i have been there for a long time with him and it is such a relief to think of him and not be angry or heartbroken or full of that hatred that can come with an ugly divorce. true indifference. his impact on me has diminished to nothing but stories from faded memories.