Monday, January 3, 2011

come on guys, the truth. really.

i know i have just been dancing around all the details of dick breaking up with me. i mentioned in my last post that i am a big talker-its how i process stuff and figure it out, but i havent talked that much about this. only one friend has the whole story and maybe 2 others have some of the story.
these friends and a few of their husbands have chimed in saying they think dick felt that he wasnt good enough and bailed.
do guys really do that? i have seen it movies and i know women use that as a big excuse to comfort their friends during breakups. "he wasnt good enough for you and he knew it so he acted like a big jerk and bailed." or something like that.
i have to say the "he just wasnt that into me" theory really doesnt pan out, so they could be right, but i dont want to jump on that bandwagon. yet.
so tell me guys-does that happen? you think a girl is out of your league, too good for you, or otherwise too high on the pedestal you put her on that you dont think you are worthy, so you quit?


  1. I'm sorry, but guys who do that are cowards. I'm a gal so I don't really know too much, but from the guys I've dated, they were cowards and used the line "I'm not good enough" and bailed on out when it was complete bull crap. But they proved later on through their actions that maybe they really weren't good enough. Sorry about your break up :( -- Cori

  2. Smc, first, *HUUUUG* I am here, and I am feeling for your pain.

    Second, I can see that as a legitimate reason for ending the relationship. It may not always be, however, that the guy puts the girl too high on the pedestal. It could be that the girl put HIM too high on the pedestal, and he might not have felt it honest and/or realistic to try to keep up with her expectations of how wonderful he is.

    In the end, though, it probably isn't about one person being better/worse than another, just that the expectations of one or both parties may not be aligned with reality.

  3. Sometimes, it might also be a timing thing. People end relationships because they got into one looking for something light and simple, but when things "threaten" to get really good, but also really serious, they bail, because they're not ready/ in a position for that kind of commitment yet.

  4. That line is bull.

    If you were too good for us we wouldn't try. Guys break things off for all kinds of silly reasons, but they're almost never the reasons found in movies. Of course it all depends on the story. There probably was a reason he wasn't into you but he'll probably never say.

  5. well...he did try. hard. he put in some great efforts for a decent amount of time. as much as any woman would be willing to blame herself-i really cant say that he wasnt into me.
    timing could be an issue. its one of the things he mentioned, but its also something we had discussed in great detail previously.
    coward is probably an accurate word. its one that i mentioned to him.
    thanks for the input.

  6. fei-you might have a point with the pedestal thing. i dont think i put him on a pedestal, but i thought he was pretty great(despite some pretty serious mistakes in his life) and i let him know that. do guys need to feel less than worthy to want you? i mean, if through your words and deeds i think you are pretty great am i all of a sudden less attractive?

  7. Had you two met before? It seems like the wonder of instant messaging and online dating gives a lot of guys false courage. Then when the time comes to actually meet they're snapped back to reality and freak out and do stupid things.

    Fei was right about another possibility. A lot of guys will flirt and think they want a relationship and it isn't until they begin one or have one. right in front of them that they realize they aren't actually ready like they thought.

    If you did meet its possible there wasn't the face to face spark of chemistry he wanted. I've been attravted to a few girls who I just didn't have a spark with and its fruitless to even try.

    I don't think it was cowardice, and its not fair to say. No one likes to put the hurt on anyone, men or women.

  8. i was immediately ready to jump on the 'no spark, he just wasnt that into me bandwagon', but that really just doesnt add up. i dont want to make excuses or make up stories to make myself feel better, just trying to be smart and resolve it in my mind.