the last few days i have attempted to write posts about some things that are painful for me, but i just cant seem to get it out. i start to type, but then i get supremely uncomfortable and stop.
what could be so uncomfortable? well......stuff like the fact that 99.9% of my friends are married and are not always free to hang out and when you just broke up with someone-you need distraction and i have to keep fighting for mine. its hard. i feel lonely.
or...the fact that mr jack mormon keeps trying to contact me. i am lonely and i know he would pick me up, take me to dinner, we would have a blast, and it wouldnt be a big deal. right? probably not. i just keep getting the overwhelming feeling that if i start with him all over again it would be 42 steps back. he is truly a road that leads nowhere and its not like i am a teenage with all this time to kill.
or....that i miss dick terribly. so much that it hurts. i hate even admitting that-i am a strong, independent woman! this aint my first rodeo-if i know anything, its how to get over a relationship. i have had many break up, but the difference here is that HE broke up with ME. admitting this makes me feel silly and weak. just typing THAT seems ridiculous. why would admitting emotional pain at the loss of someone you saw a future with be silly or weak?
sigh. my weekend plans keep changing and while i thought i would be spending the day with friends having a good time-i am on my own for now. got to find some stuff to do.