Saturday, January 29, 2011


the last few days i have attempted to write posts about some things that are painful for me, but i just cant seem to get it out. i start to type, but then i get supremely uncomfortable and stop.
what could be so uncomfortable? well......stuff like the fact that 99.9% of my friends are married and are not always free to hang out and when you just broke up with someone-you need distraction and i have to keep fighting for mine. its hard. i feel lonely.
or...the fact that mr jack mormon keeps trying to contact me. i am lonely and i know he would pick me up, take me to dinner, we would have a blast, and it wouldnt be a big deal. right? probably not. i just keep getting the overwhelming feeling that if i start with him all over again it would be 42 steps back. he is truly a road that leads nowhere and its not like i am a teenage with all this time to kill.
or....that i miss dick terribly. so much that it hurts. i hate even admitting that-i am a strong, independent woman! this aint my first rodeo-if i know anything, its how to get over a relationship. i have had many break up, but the difference here is that HE broke up with ME. admitting this makes me feel silly and weak. just typing THAT seems ridiculous. why would admitting emotional pain at the loss of someone you saw a future with be silly or weak?
sigh. my weekend plans keep changing and while i thought i would be spending the day with friends having a good time-i am on my own for now. got to find some stuff to do.


  1. Well if you ever need someone in slc to go to dinner with... be single independent girls..who know this aint our first show!
    you can call me.

  2. thanks. dont make it that way too often. :) been there 2 times in my life. 3 if you count the layover at the slc airport. lol. i would love to have dinner with you, though!

  3. Haha 99.9% of your friends I married, I know that feeling.

    Getting dumped(for the first time?) sucks bad. I still haven't talked to anyone about the one time I've been dumped, I've written about it on my blog, but I've never actually talked to anyone. But that's how men are supposed to be, above emotional issues. I wonder if people who read my blog think me a whiny and complaining person; sure, I do it a lot but you must have an outlet somewhere, if not in reality.

  4. It's really too bad we are made to feel like independence is the ideal - and then feel like crap for feeling a little sad when we're lonely. You're right, it's silly not to allow yourself to feel down.


    A little piece of friendly criticism:

    The fact that Mr. Jack Mormon is still in your vocabulary is a pretty bad sign. I know you're not interested in going down that path, but you keep him around in your thought process seemingly as a padding - someone just rejected you, and here is someone who wants you! Even if you don't want him... and in that you are offering a him a piece of what he wants - to be on your mind.

    Cut him out completely. It will be lonelier, but it will be healthier, and you'll feel more unburdened.

  5. woasm-i do not think you are whiny and complaining. i like your blog and appreciate you stepping outside the man "norm" and explaining your feelings.
    fei-you are right. i have taken the practical steps of breaking all contact with him-meaning i have ignored all his calls, emails, texts, and fb friend requests for about 3 months now. that has never happened before. the most i have done is ignore a call or text or 2 and then i would cave and we would go out and have fun and it would start all over again. i know he is a distraction-one that i need to get rid of and i thought i was doing that, but he is being a lot more tenacious than i ever dreamed. it is a comfort to know that someone out there wants you and can be the fall back, but that really isnt my style.