Sunday, January 30, 2011


not the head kind. games that mormons play when they gather together. apples to apples, taboo, phase 10, and many others. heck, mormons make up their own games. anyway. i dont love games. most of them anyway. i have been watching facebook posts about the single adult activities and the majority of them(that arent dances)involve games.
i have been considering just throwing myself in to this social sphere, but a good friend made the point-if i go and meet someone there, doesnt that put us at a disadvantage because i dont love that scene?
i have been thinking about it and she is probably right. if i fake it through all the fun games, meet someone cute and fall and love, isnt it misrepresentation if i all of sudden tell him i dont want to play games?
i am mocked by those who know and care about me-they say that i was never a child because i dont like games or cartoons. its never been an issue or held me back in any way, but is it now?
if i got a big kick out of passing an orange down a line of people only using my neck-hands behind my back-would my life be different? would it be better?
am i thumbing my nose at lds tradition thus cutting of my nose to spite my face?
sigh. i just dont love games. a few, but not many. definitely not the ones they play at these things.


  1. It occurs to me that if you did attend these 'functions' you might meet someone who feels exactly the same way you do . . . he's there to mingle and doesn't particularly love the games, either. Perhaps you could give it a try and if you meet someone interesting, be up front about it from the outset. You might find someone with lots more in common with you than you think. ;)

  2. i kind of thought of that too. i know i am not that much of an anomaly, but there are times that i just feel to set in my ways to buck the system and try stuff. i hate even typing that, but its the truth. i guess its just boiling down to if i want something different i need to do something different.

  3. Maybe the person you might be a good match with has the same needs as you to be social, not necessarily to play games. The games is an avenue to meet people and see them in a situation that can help you determine if there might be a fit. I can assure you that most people who attend a single's game night are not "that" interested in playing games. Its about the people.

    Maybe you should try to kick up the games a little bit by trying to see if you can have a "who are you" conversation, even if only for 5 minutes, with every person who is there. Therefore your goal isn't the games, its the conversation. Or whatever goal you might want to have from the "event" that helps you feel like you aren't being a "sheep" in the middle of the game playing. Just a thought. Its helped me.

  4. jennvan! how are you? its been so long-i thought for sure you got married. did you? i hope things are good. i would love to get an update on you-i miss your blog!
    i like your ideas, but i have to admit that while there was a time when talking to every person at an activity would be no problem-now its a problem. ok. not a problem...just....i dont wanna!
    i guess i am just trying to swim upstream and do it my way and my way is not working. blah!

  5. I know what you mean. I often feel resentful that at nearly thirty I am still encouraged to attend chaperoned dances and "activities"

  6. sigh. so true. there has to be a better way, dont you think?
    i thought i was doing it a better way, but my results prove otherwise. sigh.
    are there a lot of activities your way? i have a friend in the detroit area and he says there are practically none.

  7. This conversation reminds me of a pair of articles by OSC on Mormon Times. I, for one, might actually consider going to singles activities if I felt I would be contributing to something real and worthwhile. Games don't cut it.

  8. Haha I love games! Not a lot of the lame party games you normally play at FHE or Seminary. We had a game night for FHE a couple weeks ago and I was a bit disappointed though. I think there were six sets of Apples to Apples, what happened to mob mentality? Nothing against Apples to Apples, it's a creative game, it's a great ice-breaker game, but in the end I can't take any game or competition seriously that involves subjective judging, it's why I don't like gymnastics, figure skating, or the NBA. Plus it's just embarrassing for those people who don't know who King Henry VIII, Margaret Thatcher, or Marie Curie is(I'm sorry I thought playing Marie Curie on the word "Radiant" was genius... no one got it.)

    I'm laughing because I'm reminded how every "fight" Hannah and I have had has been started during a board game. We're both competitive and we both want to win, that's how I like it.

  9. As for Eliezer's comment:

    I actually think games are a better activity toward dating than most YSA and SA activities, even according to the two referenced articles. Guys usually love game night, it's competition, together or against each other it's how we bond, throw some talking in and you're good too. Personally though, I think if Singles wards want to be more effective on game nights they should play more team games/sports. In my opinion, not much can cause more of a spark starter(or more of a turn-off, depending) than teaming up with a girl.

    Just sayin'

  10. I think you can go just to meet people. There are probably several people there just like you who don't go for the games but go to meet people. I don't think it's a misrepresentation at all. Maybe you should tell the planning committee some of the activities you'd like to see instead. Give them some ideas.

  11. I love playing games. Not stupid ones like passing an orange from neck to neck. That is just crap. but card games and board games can be great. Maybe you need to lighten up just a little and find which games you like and dislike. Apples to apples can be fun but it is a pointless game because there really is no skill involved.

    Also, an old roommate of mine remarked once when I encouraged him to go to a dance with me "if I meet someone there, she will be the kind of girl that likes to go to dances and thats not what I want." I think that is lame. Are you really looking for someone that is exactly the same as you? So he likes to play games? Does that mean that you will spend the next 40 years of marriage playing games every night of the week? I doubt it.

  12. elizer-i really enjoyed those articles-especially the first one-i think he really touched on some excellent points.
    i hate competition-i think it stems from my marriage and is one of the reasons i dont like games.

  13. Hi SMC~

    This isn't really a post. I wanted to write you a post to explain that I wasn't trying to stir things up on your blog. That most certainly was not my intent, nor was it my intent to criticize or seem critical of you. Actually, my post wasn't even directed at you.

    I have been in the same position that you described and thought, "Why not me?"
    From reading your thoughtful and very honest blog I know that Heavenly Father has someone very special for you. He brought Dick into your life to open your heart. Now you are ready for the right man.

    Chin up,

  14. Hey noyb, I didn't get married...lots of life happened. :) I did close up my blog though and can't seem find time to even comment on blogs let alone write my own. Just the place I am at right now. Not sure if or when that will change, sadly enough.

    One thought, the reason why doing it our own way typically doesn't work in the situation you are in is because as much as we don't want relationships to about rules and game playing, relationships especially in the beginning have to have rules and when you have rules, there are games. So for instance, if a guy you don't know comes up to you and says, hey let's get married, you would probably look him in the eyes and say WHATEVER CRAZY! There are implicit rules in dating and to you, he crossed them. He might feel like you looked at him across the room and you had a moment and felt totally justified saying it and you thought it was totally out of left field. You are sending him back to home and he's left wondering what happened. When we navigate our own boundaries and the boundaries of others, its game playing. Now some people play games in really unhealthy ways when they don't even know they are hurting others and some play really gross games that are meant to play with others emotions.
    The hard part comes when different people have different rules for the various levels of relationships so it can at times feel very much like game playing even if you are being true and authentic. Those times are when its important to really let the other person know where you are with things, what's ok and what isn't ok. It sounds a little like what might have happened with Dick. Its hard to be honest with our feelings sometimes if we have had past experiences where they haven't been honored. Its important to risk well, meaning we risk small things slowly to build up trust in the relationship so we don't have to big risk and throw our whole self out there at one time. Not good risk in my opinion. But if we haven't been able to small risk along the way in the relationship, maybe we should ask ourselves why. What keeps us from risking in small ways to draw the relationship closer? Is this something I might need to get some professional help with? Is this something I can take to the Lord for more guidance and direction?

    Just some of my thoughts, very late at night so they might be a little wonky...hope they are helpful. Let me know if I need to clarify anything.

  15. the risk thing is a real issue with me because of my past. i am aware of it and with dick in particular, i actively worked on it. i talked to him and let him know i was praying every day about it. i truly believe we were both getting some divine guidance, but i think the adversary jumped in with a good dose of fear.

  16. Almost all of us have "risk" issues to some degree or another. That is why we start small in relationships. Oh, that pesky fear....ruins so many good things. :) One thing that I've been learning a lot about lately not only in my own life but in others is how much we sometimes forget to believe Heavenly Father. We know He's there and know what He has told us and yet somehow we don't really BELIEVE that He will do for us what He has said He will do. We don't really believe that He has our best interests at hand. That we really are going through certain experiences for a reason. I had an epiphany about that almost a year ago and it completely changed my life and the relationship I was in. I realized I didn't trust God to really be there for me and have my back like He said he would. So I jumped. And was caught. And its changed me and the way I have relationships with men completely.