Monday, October 12, 2009
something in the air
I can feel it. i have been kind of antsy all day and mr ex man is on my mind. thats really not the norm anymore, so it freaked me out a little. then it occurred to me. its about that time. ever since his first melt down there has been a pattern. a cycle. its happened so often that my subconscious realizes it before i do. we are in that phase of the cycle. maybe he wont contact me. maybe he really believed me this time and i wont hear from him. i wont have to be the bitch and tell him i threw everything out and that until recently(thank you subconscious mind caving into the co-dependent pattern)hes not on my mind nearly as much as he used to be. i can manage a few days without him crossing my mind at all. there is an evil part of me that wants to tell him about mr jack mormon and how he thinks i sexually torture him and how fun that is. i know, evil. hes just been such a jerk. he deserves it, but when we love someone we dont give them what we deserve, do we? we give them more. give them better. just like we hope they will give us more than we deserve. fingers crossed that he breaks the pattern and doesnt make me do all the dirty work. again.