more halloween celebration

i am really not one to go crazy over halloween. the extent of my costume is usually a grey t-shirt that says "miss witch" on the front of it. i bought it at target for five bucks about ten years ago. how is that for mormon frugality? worn once a year,that shirt will make it to the second coming. this year has been very different. as you know, i dressed up last weekend to go to the single adult party. friday night i dressed up with the rest of the rs presidency for the ward party, and last night was the encore presentation of my robert palmer girl costume for a birthday party i am going to. its exhausting! i mean, i am a fun girl, but COME ON!

halloween marks gbf's(gay best friend)birthday. despite many gay stereo types, gbf never dresses up for the holiday. this year was different. he decided to really glam it up and dressed up as lady gaga . he got his makeup(including fake eyelashes)done at the mac counter and pulled together a FAB-U-LOUS outfit that included a fur vest. since it was his 40th birthday, he wanted to go retro, so we went roller skating. no one got my robert palmer(despite how HOT it was)costume, but EVERYONE got the lady gaga outfit. it was a blast. funny how some things, like roller rinks,never change. it had been over 20 years since i had been skating, but nothing had changed. well,me. i have changed. and the video games. better video games.

crammin before the famine

a little back story: just like every other part of the country, the area i live in has been hit by the economic crisis. so many people in my ward have been laid off. a lot of them owned their own businesses such as carpet cleaning, pest control, or landscaping and just could not keep their heads above water, so they joined the millions looking for work. one elder in our ward decided to join the military. i think its a little unusual for a 30-something guy with a wife and 4 kids to enlist, but it could make sense too. regular, dependable paycheck, great medical coverage, and travel benefits. ANYWAY...they had called our rs president and arranged for her to stop by to drop off some paperwork. when she got there and rang the bell, no one answered. she waited a few minutes and rang the door bell again, but still no answer. it seemed odd since they had made the arrangements earlier that day, but she put the envelope under the mat and went on her way. within the hour, she got a call from the sister, apologizing profusely for not answering the door. our rs president told her not to worry about it and to look under the door mat for the envelope. the sister kept apologizing and then said, "hes been so frisky lately, you know.....crammin before the famine." this sister is not a particularly prudish woman, but to think she felt the need to explain that her husband was trying to get in as much sex as he possibly could before he left for basic training was hilarious to me. sweet, but still hilarious.
ps-who says "frisky" anymore?
pps-guess thats better than telling your rs president your husband is "horny".

smart girl or bad attitude part two

well...you know mormons. the blessing was said and the feasting began. the food smelled wonderful, but i was waiting on a girl from my ward to show up with her "friend" so i would have at least one familiar dinner companion. a few people dropped by the lounge area to encourage me to jump into the buffet line. they seemed suspicious of my explanation of why i wasnt running right over. the girl from my ward showed up dressed as a renaissance witch with her "friend" who was the devil on vacation(think a little red makeup, horns, and a hawaiian shirt). she makes the introductions and we headed to the buffet line.

the food was good, but conversation difficult. apparently the devil was nearly deaf due to damage to his hearing from his job so the ren witch had to keep leaning over to him and repeating whatever i said to keep him in the conversation. he was a very nice man, but i was really questioning his "friend" status with ren witch. he never left her side and when the dinner tables were removed to provide more room for dancing, he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. to me, this is not friend behavior. was she trying to keep it low key, worried that i would rat her out to the ward? i had to find out of course, so the next time the devil turned away for a minute i asked her. turns out he is 57 years old(shes 31), a widower, and would put a ring on it if she would go for it. the reason she wont allow it is that he refuses to join the church and doesnt want any more kids. she had him sign up for great expectations so he can find an appropriate companion while she continues to search for her peter priesthood. not sure how that works since she spends a lot of time snuggled up with the devil.

my "service" required me to move around the room a lot(no, i was not busting up couples dancing too close or making out in classrooms), so i was able to really take in the atmosphere. harem girl danced all night, but not with any guys. looked like her partner of choice was the pioneer girl. i dont think i ever saw the clown on the dance floor, but her friend, the sister missionary was out there several times with different guys. come to think of it, i didnt see tron guy on the floor either. mabye if i WAS on kissing detail, i would have busted the two of them making out in a dark classroom. theres a thought. i was surprised by how many couples there were. i got the vibe that a few were exclusive. personally, i dont think going to a singles activity is a good date. why would you come to a dance to snuggle in the lounge area when you could have a romantic evening at home? probably a tactic to keep things zipped up, but still.

despite my "good" attitude and open mind, the single adult scene and my perception of it remains unaltered. i wandered around for a bit more, wrapping up my "service", and trying to take in details so that i could blog them. i was also looking for anything or anyone that might deviate from what has become the norm in this mormon subculture. no luck. i was relieved that a few(all guys, of course)"got" my costume. one actually walked away singing "simply irresistable" . i have to make one correction to my initial statement about nothing being changed. i did notice two men who were quite the gentlemen, asking all the girls to dance. that was sweet.

i have been asked what i would do to change things, but i really dont have many ideas. sometimes i think the whole program should just be done away with. is it really effective? once you are kicked out of ysa and are in that outer darkness of 31 and over singles, how many people find their eternal companions in this program? i would love to hear from anyone who has a success story.

i hate this

i was on the phone early this morning with a good friend who is going through some major family issues. her husband is a difficult jerk who is passing his behavior on to his(their)children. my strong, fun, full of life friend is a shadow of her former self. she is literally a shell. she has no real refuge. her husband treats her with blatant disrespect in front of the kids and rarely backs her up when she attempts discipline. she really is not the meek or door mat type, but in her efforts to be a supportive wife and mother she lost herself and allowed everyone to put her last. why do women allow this to happen? i know i did it in my marriage. when things started going south, i let him convince me it was my fault and altered my behavior to show my support and willingness to create a fulfilling marriage. it was his way of manipulating me and it worked. i hate that it worked. i know that my friend looks back on the last 20 years of her life and hates that it worked on her. i think it was President Hinckley who talked about that if both people in a marriage make an effort each day to ensure the happiness and well being of their spouse, so much unhappiness and divorce would be eliminated. the unfortunate thing is that there is so little of that. people just dont do it. why? why do we take for granted and abuse the one we promised to love and care for above all others. i am rambling again. i hate this.

smart girl or bad attitude?

i talked to my mom just as i was walking out the door to go to the sa halloween dinner/dance. she pleaded with me to go with an open mind and a good attitude. SHE is really hoping that i meet my dream man at some church related function. she truly believes that all seemingly happy lds couples meet at those type of activities. sigh. i really did go with an open mind, but from the onset.....it was a mess. first of all, i was given the wrong directions to the church building. when i call the girl who asked me to serve at this shindig, she sweetly apologizes and tells me she is running an HOUR late and suggested i find something to do in the meantime. knowing that she is kind of flaky, i returned a hour and 15 minutes later, but she still hadnt arrived. she ended up being an hour and a half late. i think we can all agree that goes way beyond mormon standard time , but i go in and get started. unlike most functions of this nature, the cultural hall was decorated beautifully with elaborate fall and halloween type decorations. there didnt seem to be a lot going on, but i jumped in where i could. there was a lot of down time. dinner was scheduled to be served at 7, but the kitchen crew was still discussing the pros and cons of having a separate drink table. a lone sister arrived on time, spotted me in the "lounge area" and came right over to introduce herself. she was dressed(modestly)as some sort of harem girl or belly dancer. she was asian with a heavy accent and i had a difficult time understanding her over the dj's sound check, but what i was able to get was she was from hong kong and that she has been here for 16 years and was currently studying dance. she told me how much she liked belly dancing. i am in rs president mode, trying to fellowship, but i feel trapped. people start trickling in, wearing a variety of costumes. this one walked up to me and the harem girl. to be fair, he really wasnt dressed as a tron guy. his outfit was black, but had similar designs all over it. the mystery was solved when a middle aged woman dressed as a rainbow clown along with her friend, the sister missionary walked up like they were approaching the coolest guy in high school. he explained in detail that he was wearing his paint ball suit, demonstrating all the different attachments, pockets, and straps. after getting him to promise to dance with each of them that night, they scampered off. harem girl seems kind of stunned. chatty before, she is now mute. tron guy tries to make conversation(at this point harem girl takes off without uttering a word)by asking me a few questions. i answer politely and even offer a few things to the conversation, but i am careful not to flirt in any way. since the adoration of his fan club was lacking in me, he soon lost interest and took his leave without even saying a polite good bye. more people are arriving and the costumes run from ridiculous to truly original. the food is being brought out and a handful of people rush up to the table and start serving themselves. no welcome. no opening prayer. nothing. the dj finally notices people eating, stops the music, and quickly asks someone to offer an opening prayer and blessing on the food. to be continued....

yikes!

i am starting to regret agreeing to go to the single adult halloween party. when i was asked to provide service a few months ago, it seemed like no big deal. thought i might be warming up to the whole single mormon socialization ritual. i was kidding myself. if i hadnt agreed to work tonight, i would bail on this party so fast. i really want it to be different. i want to go and see all the stereotypes busted. just not holding out a lot of hope. i tend to get a little dramatic when i havent gotten enough sleep. need to find 20 minutes in todays crazy schedule to work in a power nap. dark circles will do nothing for my costume. i am a pretty happy with how my costume came together. its a total nod to my 80's teenage years and i figure that the crowd tonight will get it.

opening presents

i was having a discussion on modesty with a man i have known most of my life. i will probably give the background story on him in another post, but i just need to get to the oddness of a comment he made to me. he said, "there is nothing more alluring than a modestly dressed woman. its like opening a beautifully wrapped present at Christmas time". is it just me? i thought it was a strange thing to say. i like when men can look at a woman who is dressed modestly and find her not only attractive, but sexy. i just thought his comment was so weird. i think part of it is because i think he is in the closet and maybe the attempts at commenting on the attractiveness of a woman rings false to me.

thirty. 30. the big 3-OH

the ranting librarian over at the voice of reason was talking about her 30th birthday and of course it made me think of my 30th year. yuck. thats the year i divorced msof and a lot of the drama happened right around my birthday. not all of it was yuck. divorce is certainly yucky, but i freed myself of a bad relationship and managed to get myself to hawaii to celebrate. msof called my lawyer while i was gone and was sooooooo pissed off i was in hawaii. that was the best. he never wanted to go anywhere and as soon as hes out the door, i put my traveling shoes on.

facebook

facebook can really bring back your past and set it right at your feet. i got a friend request from a boy(now a man, of course)i knew in high school. even though he was super shy, i knew he liked me. we sat next to each other in seminary my senior year and got to know each other a little bit. i was broken up with tgws for most of my senior year, so if he had asked me out, i would have went, but he never asked. he had an obnoxious friend who tried to get him to do it, but he was just too shy. there was one embarrassing night where they showed up at my house way too late(i had strict, very old fashioned parents)and the obnoxious friend was making a lot of noise. i got so angry that they were risking getting me in trouble that i bolted out the front door and told the sweet, but shy guy that if he wanted to ask me out to do it without his obnoxious friend hanging around and get the hell away from my house before my dad came out and made us all sorry. he must have been really embarrassed because i dont think he ever spoke to me again. after that, i pretty much forgot about it. i had a lot of stuff going on-the final break up with tgws. dating a lot. my engagement to msof. one night we went out with msof's friends to a 50's style drive in where the guys liked to show off their cars. msof had just bought a very cool, very fast muscle car and wanted all his friends to see it. once we got there i realized there were a ton of people i knew from school. i was glad to have others to talk to since the bs conversation msof was having with his friends was getting boring really fast. i walked across the parking lot to say hi to this small group of guys. they were all shocked i was with msof(this seemed to be the general consensus when we told people we went to school with), but were happy to see me. as we were talking, someone brought up shy guys name. i asked how he was doing and joked about how he never asked me out. the look of utter shock on their faces told me that i should have kept my mouth shut. i immediately started back pedaling, trying to laugh it off and save face. as i went to leave and return to the other side of the parking lot where msof was, they all gave me a hug and wished me good luck. in the few seconds it took me to walk across the parking lot, msof had already called off his red neck, truck driving buddies from beating the hell of of the boys who had hugged me a few minutes before. i guess them even looking at me for more that a few seconds broke some good ol boy code of conduct. they were soon distracted by a group of ultra preppy college boys who looked at one of their girl friends the wrong way. i am not sure how we got out of there without blood shed. the guys were practically frothing at the mouth and the girls were crying. it was a mess. the next night when i got home from work, my mom said that the shy guy had dropped by. my heart plunged into my stomach. i guess he pretty much spilled his guts to my mom, telling her how he loved me since high school, but didnt think he had a chance and he had to talk to me before i married msof. i felt like such a jerk. i tried to go see him, but couldnt track him down. called and left a message, but he never called back. a life time passes and hes my friend on facebook. we caught up a little via im. he asked about my divorce and then commented: "you are and always were too good for msof". it might be self indulgent, but it was nice to hear.

in contrast

this was the last video mr ex man ever sent me. quite a departure from the sweet beginnings.

everywhere

forgive the frequent walks down memory lane. music really throws me in the way back machine. the first guy i dated after my divorce(no cute nickname for him) used to sing this to me. this and "you are my sunshine". too bad he was an alcoholic frat boy(several years younger than me...this "cougar" thing keeps popping up, doesnt it?)that hasnt settled down to this day(11 years later). he was soooo cute and had the BEST southern accent that just made my knees weak. southern accents and irish brogues just do it for me. knowing that jake and calvin served in ireland makes me raise my well groomed eyebrows and my blue eyes sparkle.

not too much to ask

one of my guilty pleasures is watching reruns of gilmore girls . on todays episode, lorelai is at the diner talking to luke and says, "all anyone wants is to find a nice person to hang out with until they drop dead. its not too much to ask." sums it up, doesnt it?

3 steps forward, 2 steps back

i was gloating a little to myself yesterday because i made it past the hump with mr ex-man. the cycle is broken. no phone calls, texts, or emails. then a friend posts an innocent comment on facebook and it totally reminded me of this . its one of the first videos that mr ex man ever sent me. i had never heard of bens brother and this sweet song was a memorable introduction. so now i am trying to get back from the little trip down memory lane. I HATE THIS. i guess that will teach me to get all high and mighty and think all the memories are erased from my mind and heart. stupid! ok- to end on a positive note...i am still a step ahead, right?

sunday naps

i am a late bloomer when it comes to the whole napping thing. its just been the last few years that i actually look forward to a nap after church. get home, a little lunch, and then go to bed. i like to put a movie on or maybe some music and just doze a little. sunday naps are always better with someone. mr ex man and i enjoyed a few naps. its nice to spoon with someone in front of a movie and just drift off to sleep in their arms. sigh. just thinking about this stuff as i am laying in bed with my laptop looking for a movie to watch.

things that make you go "mmmmmm"

church is one of the best places to people watch. i cringe to think that people are observing me the way that i might observe them, but that does nothing to deter me. today i noticed two couples in particular. one married 25 years or so, still have a few fairly young kids, but they are all cozy in the pew, whispering to each other, and totally enjoying themselves. then there is another couple, probably married about 10 years. they are both nice and you can tell they are friendly, but there seems to be no spark, no chemistry between them. there has to be something going on because they have six kids, but to see them together, its like they are roommates. no hand holding or arms around each other. no lean in. i love the lean in and its absence is suspect to me. there just doesnt seem to be a lot of love or passion there. maybe they are just super conservative and dont do the pda thing. maybe there is some serious swinging from the chandelier behind closed doors. i hope so. as someone who is celibate, i hate to think of anyone "legal" choosing not to have a fulfilling sex life.

i kind of get it now

good romance is in short supply. just like money and jobs in the horrible economy-a good man is nearly impossible to find. i keep coming across the weird ones. my gay best friend(gbf)says that the majority of people are emotionally unhealthy jerks and the process of dating is an arduous task just to weed out all the shitheads and find right guy for you. he speaks from experience. we have been friends for years and i watched him suffer through many bad relationships until he found THE GUY. its quite a conflict when you are lds and one of the best examples of a good relationship is a gay couple. more on that in another post to come soon.
i never understood when people were willing to have sex with someone just to have a breathing body lying next to them for a night or get married for the companionship. or settle for a loveless marriage for security. opportunities for all of these things have presented themselves throughout my life. some of them in the last day or two. i have never come close to doing any of these things, but the difference is that in the past i stood i judgment. it was easy to just say no and i could not get why anyone would sell out for a weak substitute for the real thing. eternal true love. i kind of get it now. i dont judge anymore. happiness is hard work and sometimes you just need a break. and maybe there is a mr right for now who can provide that break while you are waiting for prince charming. or maybe you are sick of waiting and decide to stick with mr right for now and end up living a lovely, content life. doesnt sound too bad.

seriously people!

just tell me, am i just an idiot? the lone sucker that still thinks no sex before marriage is the right thing to do? i am so irritated right now. mr jack mormon not only asked me to have sex with him, i think he ruined at least two posts i was going to write ABOUT him. he told me that he honestly thought i would change my mind. WHAT THE F....? change my mind? are you serious? we never even kissed! so....lets say i WAS a sex before marriage kind of girl. i wouldnt be THAT kind of girl-you know, the booty call kind of girl. he literally asked me to hook up with him last night at about 9 o clock. mr jack mormon is a JACK ASS.

the way to a mans heart

i love to cook. love, love, love it. i am really good at it, but i generally do not cook for my dates. for me, cooking is another means of flirting. i do it if i like you. you know, LIKE LIKE you. i made one exception and i am still regretting it. i cooked for mr nice, but boring. hes from kentucky and i just had make my biscuits and sausage gravy for a real southerner. he was coming over to go to church, so i told him to come over a little early for breakfast. eggs, sausage, biscuits, and gravy......YUMMY. he swore i could serve it to his mother and not be ashamed. i really like when my cooking is well received....makes me feel good. after church, i made chicken and dumplings . he liked that as well, so it was a good day all around for me in the kitchen. of course i cooked for mr ex-man. and msof. both loved my cooking and were sweet about complimenting me and being grateful. i miss cooking for someone i love. i enjoy planning meals i know they will like, doing the grocery shopping, and spending the time in the kitchen to make whatever they might like best. if i ever fall in love again i am going to make engagement chicken to seal the deal. when the recipe ran in glamour magazine, the accompanying article told of several staffers who made it for their boyfriends and got engagement rings shortly thereafter. for additional backup i will make rachel rays vodka cream pasta. i know my mother would FLIP OUT if she found out i put alcohol in anything i was cooking, but i am willing to risk the possible word of wisdom implications(it cooks out, doesnt it?)for my eternal happiness with the man i love.

snuggle

mr jack mormon asked me to snuggle after our last date. knowing his disdain for religious inspired celibacy, i thought it best to define terms. was "snuggle" code for sex or maybe even heavy petting? so i asked. nope. he said snuggle meant snuggle. now the weird(or maybe just stupid) thing was he gave me this invite via email AFTER he took me home. he lives about an hour away, so its not like he could just come back over. we went back and forth via email, him asking me clarifying questions and i guess some of my answers surprised him. like i was willing to french kiss. he really started asking questions about what was off limits and was shocked that areas above the belt(his words)were as off limits as below the belt. disappointed might be a better word. he claims that EVERY girl he has met on ldsmingle fools around. except me. arent i just a killjoy? why does he keep asking me out? does he think i am kidding? playing hard to get? when i asked him why he asked me to snuggle he said he was testing my boundaries. i swear, this guy is 41 freaking years old! isnt that the kind of stuff you do in junior high? is it too much to ask that you either accept what i am telling you or just move on to someone else?

whats your number?

no-i'm not talking about the 10 digits needed to get you on the phone. i am talking about the number of "experiences" you have had. being the serial monogamist i am, my number seems embarrassingly low. even for a law of chastity abiding girl like myself. 12. i have kissed 12 boys my entire life. and thats a reach. a couple of them i wasnt even sure if i should count them. tgws was my first kiss ever. it was clumsy and sloppy, but amazing because we loved each other so much. we had a lot of practice ahead of us and we definitely got better. tony, the guy i went to my junior prom with. super nice boyfriend and i know we kissed,but there is nothing memorable or remarkable to report there. christopher, my senior prom date. again, i know we kissed, but dont remember much about it-although i kind of had a "harper moment". i knew he wanted to kiss me, but i wasnt ready so i asked him not to. actually, i told him not to. there was no asking. after high school there was paul, but we probably only kissed a handful of times in the few months we dated. i have mentioned the forgotten rm in a previous post-his kissing was fine, but nothing earth shattering. right before msof showed up on the scene, there was mark, a boy who was ten years older than me. i say boy because he really was a man-child. i was 19, he was 29 and i had a ton of maturity on him. we kissed a few times, but he really took the completely uninvited role of experienced sexual guide way too seriously. he was the first to ever attempt to sway me from my beliefs with an intellectual argument. he actually said "you wouldnt buy a car without taking it for a test drive, would you?" i think i laughed in his face. i was still technically dating him when msof came knocking on my door. i kind of just stopped calling him. he wasnt happy, but i was oblivious in my own happiness. besides being the man i married and my only sexual experience, msof stood out in two other ways. he is the only man i kissed on the first date and the only one i initiated the kiss. we were good from the start- there was a ton of passion and we really had to reign things in a few times. once we were engaged, i almost slipped in to complacency, but HE put the brakes on and saved me some major anguish. kissing on the first date happens a lot more often now. probably because i am in my 40's and i dont want to waste a bunch of time only to find out he is a horrible kisser. so------12. it would have been 13 if mr jack mormon wasnt such a freakin sissy.

something in the air

I can feel it. i have been kind of antsy all day and mr ex man is on my mind. thats really not the norm anymore, so it freaked me out a little. then it occurred to me. its about that time. ever since his first melt down there has been a pattern. a cycle. its happened so often that my subconscious realizes it before i do. we are in that phase of the cycle. maybe he wont contact me. maybe he really believed me this time and i wont hear from him. i wont have to be the bitch and tell him i threw everything out and that until recently(thank you subconscious mind caving into the co-dependent pattern)hes not on my mind nearly as much as he used to be. i can manage a few days without him crossing my mind at all. there is an evil part of me that wants to tell him about mr jack mormon and how he thinks i sexually torture him and how fun that is. i know, evil. hes just been such a jerk. he deserves it, but when we love someone we dont give them what we deserve, do we? we give them more. give them better. just like we hope they will give us more than we deserve. fingers crossed that he breaks the pattern and doesnt make me do all the dirty work. again.

mormon girls and their underwear

i had to laugh when i saw this post on the pioneer woman . it made me think of my own teenage battles with my mom over underwear. my mom, a garment wearing, faithful lds woman, believed in the old school technique of teaching modesty which basically meant that i was only allowed to wear clothing that would accommodate garments. this was to prepare me for the quickly approaching day that i would be married in the temple to my own personal rm. every year under the christmas tree was a sears box lovingly wrapped by my mother that contained that years supply of appropriate underwear. white granny panties. yep. thats what my mother thought every young woman should wear. but all my friends wore cute bikinis. in a rainbow of colors. some even had the days of the week printed on them. i wanted some of those cute bikinis! i was tired of my old fashioned white underwear sticking out of my super cool looking 501 jeans and ruining my whole look. i started using my babysitting money and buying cute underwear. my mother was not happy(i think she was calling the bishop to counsel me and my wicked ways), but i was able to talk her down from the cliff and prevent her from throwing them away when i explained that no one but me sees them and what was worse-bikinis that no one could see or big ole white underwear sticking out from my waistband? she reluctantly agreed, but made me promise no string bikinis. she drives a hard bargain. i remember when thongs started getting popular and you could actually pick them up at target instead of having to wear a wig and dark sunglasses and sneak into fredricks of hollywood to buy them. i was married at this point, so i got a few. of course msof LOVED them. men are so silly sometimes....yet we indulge them. why is that? i hope this isnt too personal, but i hope all the good lds(married)girls got some thongs and other racy stuff at all the showers that were thrown for them. dont hide them in a drawer!! break them out and break them in. they wont stay on for long anyway.

momentos

pictures, emails, cards, and whatever else you might find significant from your relationships-do you hang on to them? in general, i think most girls hang on to lots of stuff where guys probably either dont keep it in the first place or ditch it as soon as she is out the door. i am a little unusual in this area-i like to get rid of just about everything. the only pictures i have of my ex husband are shots that were already in an album and would ruin the page if i removed them. i have one portrait of me in my wedding dress. alone. all his letters and cards hit the dumpster as i came across them. as far as mr ex-man.... getting rid of his memory was more difficult. i started with deleting all his pictures. then i started getting rid of emails and text conversations i had saved. the final thing to go was a small box of things from our first weekend together. i had dried the flowers he sent for my birthday and kept them in the original vase(i know, us girls are crazy that way.)when i finally KNEW that i was done, i threw that box and its contents in the trash can. it was hard, but i dont regret it. i dont like carrying that literal or emotional baggage around. in my last conversation with mr ex-man i asked him to delete all my pictures and get rid of anything else to do with me. i just didnt want it out there anymore. he refused. maybe he had already dumped it all and was just being belligerent, but i hate the possibility of that stuff being out there.

flirt or tease?

is there a difference? i think there is a huge difference. i was telling one of my oldest and dearest friends about mr jack mormon. giving her the fun details about our 8 hour date how we flirted with each other and she called me a tease. a tease? seriously? i am not a tease(tease verb, teased, teas⋅ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
to irritate or provoke with persistent petty distractions, trifling raillery, or other annoyance, often in sport..) i am a flirt(flirt–verb (used without object) to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet..) something that i would never cop to until recently, but i was faced with irrefutable evidence and so now i accept it. in my opinion, a tease is someone who will flirt in such a way that promises things they are not willing to deliver on. flirting is fun and should be harmless, but teasing can lead to disaster. i like to avoid disaster and i would never make promises that i didnt intend to keep.

good hair day

i used a sample of doves new heat defense therapy shampoo and conditioner. I LOVE IT!! my hair is such a pain, but this shampoo really made me reconsider shaving it all off in an act of desperation. no dry ends after the blow dry and its really shiny and soft. plenty of body too. i never have body in my hair. its really fine so i normally have to do some sort of ritualistic sacrifice just to get the good hair gods to make it look somewhat decent. i should line up a ncmo just so someone besides myself can run their hands through it. its the simple things that really bring us joy. like good hair.

virgin?

the boys over at the mormon bachelor pad posed the question about whether you could consider yourself a virgin if you participate in oral sex. without a doubt participating in oral sex violates the law of chastity for both men and women, but i think it breaks down differently for girls and boys. if a girl allowed oral sex to be performed on her she is definitely acting in an immoral way, but still a virgin until she has actual intercourse. a boy, on the other hand, whether its traditional sex or oral sex, very similar things are happening to him and i dont think he could be considered a virgin any longer. is that sexist?

whats up?

i hate when i call or approach someone to talk to them and they say "whats up?" its like "get to the point so i can be done with this conversation." its also a really casual thing guys say to each other to keep up the nonchalant macho bs facade they got going on. no man should say "whats up?" to a woman he cares about. just like a man should never say to the woman he loves "would you please just calm down?" like fuel to the fire. i would love to hear from anyone who has ever known a woman to calm down when addressed in such a way.

mr jack mormon

i kind of just dismissed mr jack mormon. after our 3rd date and his unwillingness to answer a few basic questions, i just figured he was playing games. i dont have the time, strength or energy for games. i hate to get all business like when it comes to dating(its supposed to be fun, right?), but after 3 or 4 dates, you KNOW whether or not if it could go anywhere. the thing with mjm, is that i really think it could go somewhere as far as our personalities, sense of humor, and general compatibility. the main thing that makes us undo-able is his stance of the LOC. he thinks its ridiculous. another thing is his ambivalence regarding the church. i really dont need or want and uber righteous peter priesthood type, but i dont want to be dragging someone to church either. this is so aggravating. i hate to be a quitter, but i think its time to reinstate the hiatus. i am committed to attending a singles function at the end of the month. i will actually have a job to do, so maybe i can fly under the radar....

good hair

i saw a promo for oprah last week advertising that chris rock would be on promoting his new movie "good hair" . i personally think chris rock is hilarious. i like his observations and how he makes his audiences think about some pretty important stuff-even if its with a humorous twist. what prompted chris to make this movie was his daughter(i think shes 4 or 5 years old)came home after spending the day with her little white, blonde friend and asked "why dont i have good hair?" the clips from the trailer show him trying to get to the bottom of what is going on with women(particularly black women)and their hair. as a white woman with straight hair that wont hold a curl, my experience is the exact opposite of what i saw some of these women going through. chemical straighteners, hours upon hours in a stylist chair getting their hair braided to prepare for a weave, and thousands of dollars spent for the privilege of being tortured. i saw a brief interview with ali wentworth who talks about getting the white girl's weave(extensions)and dying her hair blond because she "just wants to be pretty." the whole "blonds have more fun" and are prettier gets under my skin for a couple of different reasons(and none of them have to do with the fact that i am NOT blond). its fake. how many adults do you know that are natural blonds that dont use any chemical intervention? on the oprah interview, chris rock was pointing out all the blond women in the audience and so many were embarrassed to be booted out of the blond closet and be shown for the fakers they are. faking pisses me off. i was born a blond, but it started turning darker about age 12 and continued to get darker until my current shade of medium brown. about ten years ago i decided i needed a change and started getting highlights. i got so many over the following few years that i was back to being a blond. it was expensive and time consuming, not to mention bad for my hair. my drivers license was taken during this time when i am asked for id they do a double take. it really doesnt look like me. people joke about mormons and their attachment to being blond. the mormon child bride even blogged about how she had dyed her hair a darker color that she really liked, but knew going to her parents for a family get together was going to be rough. there would be stares. judgment. disapproval. its okay to go BLONDER, but to go darker is like....i dont know what. like wearing a t-shirt that says you drink jack daniels everyday or something. i also hate how mothers instill this love of all things blond in their daughters. my friend kelly has 2 kids. both born with beautiful blond, curly hair. her son, the older of the two gets darker the older he gets. she says nothing, but when her daughter started getting darker(around age 10), she starts dying her hair. she is now 16 and recently, in rebellion, dyed her hair red. my friend was so angry and so sad that her "beautiful, blond daughter" is no longer blond. she buys into it. with all the pressures on women to be beautiful, do we have to narrow it down to that extreme? i remember as a child being fussed over because of my blond hair and blue eyes and looking back, i guess it is a striking combination, but its rare and its short lived. just like the black girls straightening their hair or putting their weaves on lay away. chris rock concluded that all of this time, effort and money is put into our hair to impress other women. not men. i see his point,but men buy into it as well. a woman in my ward(bottle blond)decided to go a shade or two darker. she was STILL blond, just a little darker. her husband told her in no uncertain terms that he married a blond and wants to keep it that way. she thought it was the cutest thing ever. i had to bite my tongue from telling her what a jerk i thought her husband was being. on the flip side i know a couple of men who dont care at all what their wives or girlfriends hair looks like. short, long, blond, dark. they dont care as long as their wives are happy. isnt that how it should be?

forgotten rm #3!!

ah ha! There was a third rm! driving home last night, INXS "need you tonight" came on the radio and it totally put me in the way back machine to when i briefly dated rm#3(the forgotten rm) anyway.... the forgotten rm was a high school friend who moved into my ward when i was a sophmore. funny,smart, and not even a little bit nerdy(or a complete jerk like the other guys in my ward). i was dating tgws and frm started dating another girl in my mia maid class. their relationship was intense from the beginning with constant breaking up and making up, typical high school stuff with some major drama thrown in for good measure. stuff like drug arrests and church discipline. shortly after high school frm and tgws were really getting into a lot of trouble. one time in particular was when i was broken up with tgws and he and frm(not even close to getting his life together to serve a mission)drove around our town looking for me while i was out on a date. they found me and made complete asses of themselves. i cannot tell you how angry i was-livid doesnt even touch it. i wouldnt speak to either one of them for months. tgws finally worked his way back in after some herculean tasks were completed on his part, but i would not even talk about frm-even when i heard he was finally going on his mission. once out in the field he began writing me, asking for my forgiveness(what they had done was crazy and embarassing and dangerous. it was huge), but i just threw the letters away. i was still seeing tgws off and on and the hypocricy of forgiving him and not frm was not completely lost on me. i finally got a letter from frm telling me that he was asking me for the last time to please forgive him and that he would not be writing again. he also pointed out the craziness of forgiving tgws and not him. he was right and i finally just let it all go and forgave. i wrote him throughout the last year of his mission. always a rebel, he would call me sometimes and we would talk for hours on the phone. when he heard i was going to have a layover in the city he was serving in, he(along with his companion) met me at the airport ang hung out while i waited for my connecting flight. 20 years later i am still embarassed to admit such a breach of protocol! as it got closer to the time for him to come home, he started talking openly about dating and even the possibility of getting married in the temple. "whisking you off to the celestial kingdom" was his way of putting it. i was there at the airport when he returned(back in the day before 9/11 and the changes for missionary homecomings)and for his homecoming talk. we went out a few times and we made out once. he had taken me back to his place(attic apartment at his grandma's)after one of our dates and we made out for a while. it threw me a little when he said "tgws was right, you are an AMAZING kisser." i was kind of flattered, but a little weirded out all at the same time. we fell asleep and when i woke up i was on his bed and he was crashed out on the floor. we never went out again, but remained friends. when i got engaged to msof, he tried to set me up with one of his rm buddies, but that never panned out. about six months after i married msof,i got his wedding invitation. he married another girl we went all hung out with in high school(and was dating another guy in our group). they got married on april fools day. so appropriate for so many reasons that i didnt mention here. so thats the forgotten rm. a total of 3.